


Coming Home

by NicoRobin



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-03-17 03:56:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 51
Words: 81,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13650918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoRobin/pseuds/NicoRobin
Summary: The Lone wanderer, a young girl named Nico, has brought her parents’ dream of clean, drinkable water to the wasteland.  She completed this task almost at the cost of her own life.  With help from the brotherhood of steel, she defeated the main HQ of the enclave.  Now she has set out with her faithful companion Dogmeat to help those in need throughout the wasteland.  Little did she know that her mission would return her to Vault 101 and those who exiled her.  Story takes place through Amata's Perspective for the most part.





	1. Intro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First story I've ever written, apologies if it is crap but I replayed Fallout 3 not long ago and had this damn story in my head ever since. In an attempt to clear my head, decided to write it down. Hopefully it's not too bad. Any writing tips will be received with thanks. This story will have several chapters. I've got several already typed up, and some that still need to be written. We will see where the story goes...

The Lone wanderer, a young girl named Nico who had forever changed the capital wasteland, did not always look the way she does now. She stands at 5’8”, her tan skin darkened by the harsh sun, her hair kept in a medium pixie cut. It was not long after leaving Vault 101 did she cut her mid-back hair into something suited for the capital wasteland. Her most striking feature was that of her eyes, they were a piercing green colour which she had inherited from her deceased mother. Her eyes were something of legend among the people of the wasteland, those who knew her said they changed colour depending on the situation. Those who crossed her and lived to tell said her eyes were so piercing that caused them pause which was just enough time for the wanderer to dispose of them. She had also inherited her father’s handsome features which has turned many heads. Her mind, as sharp as her father’s and mother’s, has honed into the ways of the wasteland. Mr. Broch, her former teacher from Vault 101, always told her she was too smart for her good, her head always in the clouds bored with the mundane assignment. While this did not serve her well in the classroom, it served her well in the wasteland. She had brought her parents’ dream of clean, drinkable water to the wasteland. She completed this task almost at the cost of her own life. With help from the brotherhood of steel, she defeated the main HQ of the enclave.  
Now she has set out with her faithful companion Dogmeat to help those in need throughout the wasteland. Little did she know that her mission would return her to Vault 101 and those who exiled her.


	2. Opening the Vault

Today we opened the vault to allow Susie Mack to go into the capital wasteland for a week long expedition. I hope we can establish some sort of trade connection with any neighboring towns or settlements. As a vault, we haven’t gotten to the point where we are in desperate need of supplies but as overseer I want to get ahead of the situation. I gave Susie the information on Megaton that the previous expedition before the vault was sealed had explored. 

It has been a year since my father was overthrown as overseer and I was made the new overseer. I believe that we have recovered from the revolt and have come together for the betterment of the vault. By doing so, I had to make one of the hardest decisions, no, the hardest decision in my life which was to exile the person who brought peace to Vault 101. I had no choice but to exile the girl that I have loved for years. Her presence would have only caused the turmoil and tension to continue. I can only hope that this past year has been good to her. Susie promised to keep an eye out for a certain wanderer, giving me a knowing smirk before exiting the vault. I would have liked to sent someone else with Susie but we simply don’t have the manpower. The security team is busy setting up a possible trade hub at the opening of the vault.   
I only pray that I am not sending Susie out on a death trip, we have very little information about the world outside of the vault. This week may be one the of longest of my life.


	3. The Arrival

The last couple of days have been hectic and terrifying to say the least. Susie returned from her week long venture into the wasteland. She arrived back in the wee hours of the morning, her appearance was shocking. She was covered in dirt, and blood. On her back she had Nico, the girl who I had helped leave the vault to chase after her father. The same girl I sent a message to in the wastes, urging her to return and help me take down my father. The same girl I have been in love with since we were children. At Susie’s feet was a dog, whimpering in pain and nuzzling Nico’s hand.  
Nico was in terrible shape. She was unconscious, and also covered in dirt and blood. I had no time to think much as we had to get them inside the vault and to the doctor. Our vault doctor was Beatrice Armstrong who recovered from a near fatal amputation at the hands of Andy’s run at being doctor. Stanley fixed her up with a wheelchair and was later able to rig together a prosthetic leg. It’s hard to believe she was still alive, but it was thanks to Nico returning to the vault that saved her life. She had just enough medical skill, no doubt in part of being a doctor’s daughter and learning how to survive in the wastes, to bring Beatrice back from the grasp of death. Beatrice, once in recovery, decided to study medicine in order to “give the vault a proper doctor, instead of cut happy mr.handy.” 

Susie with the help of Officer Gomez helped to put Nico on the doctor’s table. It was then did we realize the extent of her injuries. She had three deep gashes across her back, numerous cuts, and blood coming out of one of her ear. Beatrice immediately started treating her as best as she could. 

I pulled Susie aside and asked what the hell had happened. Susie responded that she would write up her official report when she had the chance but that as they were making their way back to the vault, they were attacked by something called a deathclaw. Susie described it as a mutated dinosaur, “you know, like the ones in the books we read as kids” but with razor sharp claws. They were only about a mile from the vault when the attack happened. Up until that moment Susie hadn’t seen anything like that. She told me she had met up with Nico in Megaton not long after leaving the vault, and Nico took her around the wasteland to help her get accustomed. Susie told me how she had frozen at the site of such a monster, but Nico sprung into action along with Dogmeat. They had done a good job of distracting the deathclaw but it turned its’ attention to Susie and charged. Nico had thrown herself on top of her in order to protect and that’s how she got the deep gashes on her back. The Deathclaw had thrown her into a rock, which is probably where the blood coming out of her ear is from. This had snapped Susie out of her terrified state and she picked up Nico’s sniper rifle and aimed it at the Deathclaw. With the help of Dogmeat who was determined to protect his injured and unconscious owner, they were able to bring down the monster. 

From there, Susie had stashed the bags of goods she was bringing back to the vault for trading purposes and had put Nico on her back and walked the mile to the vault. I looked over to Nico to see that her combat armour had been removed to reveal skin marred by scars. Beatrice is as shocked as I am but she holds it together and begins treatment. I’m interrupted in my own shock by a wet nose hitting my hand. I looked down to see Dogmeat, the dog I had forgotten about, looking at me with one brown eye and one blue eye. Dogmeat is no doubt as worried about his owner as I am. Susie introduces me to Dogmeat, apparently the two have become fast friends in the week they have known each other. Susie excuses herself, to get cleaned up. She told me she will write up her report as soon as possible and would later like to take a few of the security team to retrieve the trading bags she had to leave behind. 

I absentmindedly agreed with her request, my focus on the girl whose scarred body lays before me. I only notice that it has been several hours after Susie left us as Beatrice touches my arm, pulling me from thoughts. She told me the extent of damages done to Nico. 

Three large gashes, significant blood loss, concussion possible skull fracture.  
She assures me that she’s done the best she can and that Nico will need time to heal with the most serious injury being the possible skull fracture. The vault is coming to life, and I have to return to being the overseer although I wish to stay by Nico’s side. Beatrice leaves to clean the blood off her clothes. I take this brief moment alone to grasp Nico’s hand. Her hand is rough, scarred by living out in the wasteland just like the rest of her body. I give her a brief kiss on the forehead and whisper that she’s safe. I look over and notice that Dogmeat was watching me closely, making sure I didn’t harm his owner. I give him a soft smile, and walk over to him, petting his head and assuring him that we both love her and want her to recover as quickly as possible. Dogmeat licks my hand at that, I wonder how much he actually understands but being out in the wastes has no doubt made him an excellent judge of character. 

Beatrice returns and tells me that she will monitor her and bring me hourly updates. I thank her as I leave needing to return to my office to be alone for a while. The morning’s events finally catching up to me. There is much to be done, but I have the feeling that nothing will get  
done as my thoughts will undoubtedly be on the girl lying unconscious in the clinic.


	4. Agonizing Wait

_It’s been three days since Nico was brought into the vault, and she has still not woken up. Beatrice believes that the amount of injuries she has, and the severity of wounds is causing her body to be in a recovery mode of sorts. She explained the way I assume Stanley would when talking about a computer, sometimes a computer has to enter recovery mode in order to work. She did mention that there is nothing she can do, beside clean the bandages every night, until Nico wakes up to determine the extent of her head injuries. Beatrice did mention that perhaps Nico would be more comfortable in a bed instead of being on a cold metal examination table. Susie, having returned from retrieving the trading bags with two of the vault’s security team, suggested bringing Nico to the Overseer suite since it has two rooms. That way, Susie explained, “Nico can rest comfortable and the Overseer can keep tabs on her from her office instead and perhaps get some work done instead of coming down every hour.” That smug look Susie gives in playful in manner. We’ve become close friends since the rebellion and she knows of my feelings towards Nico. Ever since Nico has been in the clinic, Susie has been dropping not so subtle hints regarding my love for her. Her actions have helped the time pass, that along with reading and re-reading the report she gave me concerning her time spent in the wasteland._

_I’ve read it several times over, not because of any important information regarding the outside world but because of how detailed Susie is regarding her time spent with Nico. It’s so detailed that at times I felt as if I was there with them. Susie did tell me she typed of two reports, one not so detailed and one explicitly for “the overseer’s eyes only” she had said with a smile on her face. That Susie is something else, I owe her some Nuka Cola._

I look up from my journal and see a sleeping Nico on my bed. She is dressed in vault issued pajamas that I know she despised as a child. Dogmeat has also been transferred into my room. Ever the loyal follower, keeping a sharp eye on his owner.

_The reason she is in my old room, and current room, is due to the fact that after my father died of a heart attack not long after the end of the revolt I haven’t felt comfortable in the official overseer suite. It’s too painful. Of course, we did move some furniture around as I now have a larger bed in my room but the official room is vacant. When Susie saw that I had put Nico in my room she had given me a curious look followed by a wiggle of her eyebrows. I immediately shot down any crude remarks she may have had in mind by stating that it was easier to see into this room from my office in case Nico was to wake up. Susie did not seem convinced but it had fooled Beatrice. The good doctor agreed that it was best to keep on eye on her._

I look at the the pip-boy on my wrist and notice the time, I should be headed for bed. I close my journal and head to my room. While my bed is big enough for two, I’ve been sleeping on the couch. I want to make sure that when Nico comes to she isn’t shocked to see me sleeping next to her. When she does wake up we will have much to talk about. When she left the vault the last time, I mean when I had exiled her from the vault, we didn’t leave things on the best of terms which was all my fault but I’m hoping now with the vault open things can change. I change into my nightwear and head towards the couch, whispering goodnight to Nico and Dogmeat. Tomorrow is another day.


	5. Overseer's Eyes Only

Day four, Nico is still unconscious. She did move around in bed a bit last night, so perhaps she is coming around but for the moment she is still in my bed. Dogmeat ever present at her side, unless Susie comes in and takes him outside of the vault. Susie has been doing that everyday, going outside of the vault with Dogmeat. I haven’t authorized for Susie to do another expedition. She had told me and wrote in her report that Nico had agreed to allow her to tag along with her to help her get accustomed to the wasteland and to help set up the trade routes as she had experience with such a venture. Speaking of Susie’s report, I re-read it again. With Nico still unconscious it makes me feel closer to her.

 _Susie wrote that after she left the vault, she headed to Megaton since it was the closest known settlement. This information coming from Annie Palmer who had led the last expedition out of the vault in the year 2241. Once Susie had arrived in Megaton she met the sheriff and leader of the town, Lucas Simms. He noticed her vault suit and made mention of Nico, a resident of Megaton who arrived two years ago with a similar suit and had a house there in town. Susie mentions her shock of learning that Nico was here in Megaton._ I’m also shocked that Nico would be so close to the vault, even after all this time. I wonder why she stayed so close, perhaps she hoped to return to the vault. I look towards her on the bed, hoping to ask her myself, but to my dismay she is still out. _As almost on cue, Nico emerges from her house writes Susie and head towards us and on her way to get some food. “I almost didn’t recognize her, with her combat armour and cold eyes, but I called out to her and was thrilled to see those eyes soften.”_

 _“Susie?” She asked. I ran up to her and threw my arms around her neck sending us both to the ground. “Susie, what the hell are you doing out of the vault, wait is everything in the vault okay, what about Amata, is she safe? I can’t help but smile at this passage in the report, Nico still cares for me, even after what I’ve done. Susie responded that everything with the vault is fine, and that Amata had sent me out to explore possible trading routes. Nico leads me to Jenny Stahl’s eatery where she orders us some food, and head back to her house. But first she introduces me to Dogmeat, her faithful companion. I’ve never seen a dog before except in books, he’s a cute little guy. We’re in her house and it’s quite nice, to have so much room just for herself. We talk about life out of the vault, and what my mission is. She listens intently as I tell her about how the vault has been, and especially about a certain Overseer._ At this passage, I can’t help but blush, leave it to Susie to bring up this topic. She knows about my feelings and seems intent on playing matchmaker.

 _Nico offers to help me out, as she knows several of the traders within the capital wasteland and knows of several groups who may be valuable trade partners. I can’t thank her enough. I was feeling overwhelmed when I first left the vault, but now I am feeling better. After eating, Nico takes me around Megaton and introduces me to a few of the residents. She also introduces me to Moira Brown, the owner of the local store. Nico mentions how she often brings any items she doesn’t need to Moira in exchange for caps which is the official currency of the wasteland. I make a mental note that Moira may be the most useful to the vault in the early goings as Megaton is not far. We head back to Nico’s house where she gives me the Capital Wasteland Survival Guide 101. Speaking of Survival Guide, Nico actually helped write a book! Can you believe that?!_  
I can believe it,though many in the vault probably wouldn’t. Nico was never seen as being the most studious of students but I knew that she was incredibly smart, retaining almost everything that she has read.  
Susie brought a copy of the book back for the vault, I wonder what Mr. Broch will say when he sees it. It’s filled with everything that a person needs to know about entering the wasteland, this book will prove useful to the Vault. I can’t help but wonder how many people she has helped with the information that is in this book. She’s always been so selfless. I again look over to the bed and can’t help but smile, my love for her growing each time.  
_We head out of Megaton at sunrise. We are headed to a town called Canterbury Commons, a town where all the traders in the wasteland go through. Nico believes this will be the best start at establishing good ties with the traders. I trust her judgement, she says she knows these traders and even invested caps to help with their inventory. She trusts them and right now that’s what we need as a vault is to get out there. One the way, we run into many of the wastelands inhabitants from radscorpions to raiders. I had to kill some of the raiders, I’ve never done such a thing before but Nico helps me through the emotions I’m feeling. I can’t thank her enough for doing that. We get to Canterbury Commons and stay there about two days in order to meet the traders. We were able to scavenge some items and sell them to traders. Nico and I decide it is best not to reveal the location of the vault, even to the traders she trust. Since many of the traders visit Megaton it will not be hard to establish ties with these traders but it was good to come out and talk with them._  
_From Canterbury Commons, we head to Arefu. A town that Nico helped save from Vampires, yes you read that right vampires. She explains what happened and how she helped broker a deal between the two. Nico thinks that if the vault is to set up a caravan that Arefu would be a good stop as she know the people. We spend a day in Arefu and later head to a place called Big Town. A run down settlement filled with people our age and younger. On the way there she tells me of Little lamplight and Big Town. We arrive and to be honest this town does not have much to offer. The town’s residents are scared of super mutants, big, green, mutants who kidnap people. But the town does have a doctor. The residents are happy when Nico and I arrive, we do some trading with them and stay the night. One resident called Buttercup seems to have taken a liking to Nico._  
I can’t help the jealous feeling that overcomes me reading this part, even though I have read it several times. I wonder what their relationship is, if there is one. How many people has Nico been in a relationship with, is she currently in one? I want to know but I also don’t. I put these thoughts away and continue with Susie’s report.  
_Nico tells me of the radio stations that the wastes have. She mentioned that if we had time we could have stopped by Agatha's place. She runs one of the radio stations. A classical radio station with a beautiful violin. The other radio station is GNR with a lovely dj called Three dog. He often tells of the 'hero of the wastes' which turns out is our very own Nico._ I can believe it, after all she did save our little vault but to think that she has helped so many. I wonder if there would be a way to pick these stations in the vault. I'll have to ask Nico about that later.

 _We head out again at sunrise back to the vault. We have gathered two bags with items that can be used for trading. During the course of our travels, I bring up the topic of our vault and how things have changed. How the people have changed. No one besides Officer Taylor thinks ill of Nico anymore, and that everyone will be happy to have her back especially a certain someone._  
Damn you Susie.  
_She remains quiet while I talk about the vault. She finally speaks and says she not certain she can return to the vault, if she’s ready to face everyone but that maybe someday she will be. She changes the subject and suggests that perhaps in a week, I can come back to Megaton after seeing what the vault has in storage to trade, she emphasis small, light items, and we can travel again heading to other towns such as Rivet City and the Citadel. I tell her that I have to clear it with Amata but I would love to travel with her. I do notice that at the mention of Amata’s name, a small smile appears on her face. We are so close to the vault when we are attacked by the Deathclaw, a ferocious monster._  
I stop reading at this point as I remember Susie telling me what happened shortly after she returned. Even after everything this vault has done to her, Nico stills offers to help us. I wish she would come to so that I could thank her, without her help I don’t know what would have happened to Susie out in the wasteland.  
It’s getting late, and I still have to go over the inventory reports that Stanley wrote up about what the Vault can trade. Susie has also requested to go to Megaton to meet up with the traders, I’m hesitant to allow her to go out. What if she encounters another one of those deathclaws, even if I send her with a security team would they be safe? I need more time to consider this request but I am also aware that we need to continue making connections. So many decisions that need to be made. So many…


	6. Awakening Part 1

_She woke up. This morning. At 7:27 to be precise. I was in my office finalizing the inventory list when Dogmeat yelped excitedly from my room. I ran out of my office, calling for someone to bring Beatrice up from the clinic. Susie, hearing me shout for the doctor, comes running in. Worry etched into her features. We reach the bed to see Nico thrashing around the bed, we both grab her shoulders trying to keep her steady until the doctor gets here. But even in her injured condition, she’s strong. I tried calling out to her, that she is back in Vault 101, that’s she safe, that it’s me Amata. She settled down a bit, but she continued to breathe hard. I think what helped to calm her down was Dogmeat licking her hand. She tries to open her eyes, but the overhead lights are making it difficult. I tell Susie to turn the lights off. With the lights off, she seems to have calmed down. She blinks several times but eventually fully opens her eyes. I’m sitting next to her on the bed, when her eyes go wide with panic. “Susie” she called out, “the deathclaw!” Susie runs over from the where she was and takes her hand, “I’m right here! I’m right here.” Nico stared at her in disbelief, hardly believing what she saw. “But the deathclaw, what happened?!” “Dogmeat and I double teamed him and brought it down.” Nico turned her head to Dogmeat, “Way to go Dogmeat.” She gives the dog and pat on the head which he is grateful for. Then she turns her eyes to me, those beautiful green eyes, how I’ve long to see them again, she squints and looks harder at me. “Who are you?” Those three little words rock my world, she doesn’t remember me. Susie is equally as shocked. “I...I’m Amata, we’ve been best friends since we were in diapers. I..”_

_Just as I was going to continue, Beatrice and Officer Gomez enter. “I’m sorry I was late, I was adjusting my prosthetic when Officer Gomez came in to get me. Nico I’m glad to see you awake.” “Beatrice?!” Nico Said, “I thought...Andy had…” I’m further shaken, how can she remember Beatrice and Andy but not me! I slowly got off the bed to allow Beatrice to sit. “Yes, from what Amata and Susie told me when you arrived during the rebellion Andy had already cut off my leg, Bastard robot, but that I was still alive, you jumped into action and helped saved me. You must have inherited a thing or two from your father. Your experiences outside of the vault no doubt helped. I’m glad that I am able to repay you for saving my life by helping to save yours.”_

_Beatrice began a neurological exam on Nico, checking to make sure everything was okay. I was standing next to Beatrice and was able to see what she was writing down._

_Sensitivity to light, no doubt from concussion. Ear canals free of blood. Still somewhat groggy._

_After checking her hands, she moves lower, “Nico I want you to lift your leg and I’m going to try and push it down, don’t let me push down, understand? Good let’s begin.” I noticed that Beatrice was very serious about this part. Nico passses the test. I saw Beatrice breathe a sigh of relief. “Excellent, I was worried that the claws of the deathclaw you encountered had reached your spine but everything seems to be in order.” What?! I confront Beatrice, asking why she hadn’t told me this was a concern in her reports. “Because, overseer, you already had enough on your plate, you were worried enough as it was, not sleeping, barely eating, if I would have told you this you would have worried even more and may have ended up in my clinic yourself.” She was right, I had been neglecting to take care of myself since Susie brought Nico to the vault. I feel like I’m spiraling out of control, I needed some time. I nod my head to Beatrice and told her thank you and quickly excuse myself to my office. I take one last look at Nico who was petting Dogmeat._

_I made it to my office before the tears and sobs come out. I haven’t cried so hard since the end of the rebellion when I had to exile Nico from the Vault, not even when my father died did I cry this hard. Susie came into my office and wraps me in a hug. Strangely enough,this is not the first time that I’ve been held by Susie. Once Nico had left the vault, I had excused myself and broke down. Susie, having seen me exile Nico, followed me to confront me about why Nico had to be exiled but once she saw the state I was in had hugged and allowed me to sob into her shoulder._   
_I asked how she couldn’t remember me, she remembered everyone else but me. Susie tried to console me, saying that it was probably just a part of the concussion and she will probably remember me at any time. Beatrice had told Nico after I had left that there were going to be side effects, such as blurry vision, dizziness, forgetfulness and so forth. Once I calmed down enough, Susie told me that when I had left the room that Nico had a look of concern on her face, so there is hope that she’ll remember me. I thanked Susie for being there for me, but I really needed to finish finalizing the list for Stanley so that trading with the traders can begin and that I would check on Nico after lunch but I asked Susie to stay with her. Susie left, leaving me alone with my thoughts. How could she not remember me…_

 

 

 


	7. Awakening Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized parts are Amata's inner thoughts just in case that wasn't clear, I've been editing the previous chapters to clear that up. When I copied and pasted the text, the italicized parts weren't transferred over.

It is well after lunch, but I can’t bring myself to go into the room. The same question runs through my mind, how can she not remember me?! I’ve been standing outside the door to my room for about 5 minutes, but I just can’t enter yet. I go back to my office, pacing the floor.  
Susie enters, Dogmeat at her side, “Hey, I thought you were going to check on Nico after lunch.” “I am but...I still have a few things to do…” “Sure you do, well I need to take Dogmeat outside to use the little dog’s room, so why don’t you go sit with her till I get back, okay?” She leaves before I get a chance to answer but I can’t very well leave her alone. I slowly knock on the door and smile at her as I take a seat next to her. She looks at me, somewhat sheepishly. I think she’s nervous about not remembering me. “Well I know you don’t remember me but you and I used to get into trouble together. You also use to save me from those idiot Tunnel Snakes, I don’t know if you remember them, but they were always causing trouble for me and you always had my back.” I laugh nervously. _God, this isn’t going well._ She hasn’t looked at me since I came in.

I continue to reminisce about our childhood, hoping something will help jog her memory. _Where the hell is Susie?! How long does it take for a dog to take a crap?!_  
“Do you remember when I threw you a birthday party, for your tenth birthday? Everyone was there…Old Lady Palmer gave you a sweet roll, Butch tried to take it from you, Andy destroyed the cake, and I gave you..”  
“You gave me my favorite barbarian, Grognak Issue 14 with no missing pages…”  
My head whips around so fast that I will probably need to see Doc Beatrice later for whiplash. “What?! You remember?!”  
She finally looks at me, still giving me that sheepish look. “Um yeah, I remember...Actually I remember who you are, I did from the moment I woke up.” I feel my head spinning. “What?!” “Amata, I’m so sorry, I thought ‘how funny would it be to play a little joke on you’ it wasn’t until I saw you leave the room after Beatrice said what she did that I realized I shouldn’t have joked with you about that. I guess the wasteland has really messed up my sense of humour.” I’m going to kill her. Just as I grab the pillow and proceed to hit Nico with it, the door to the room opens. “Amata?! What are you doing?!” _Of course, now you come back._ “Susie, she remembered me the whole time, she was playing a cruel joke on me.” “Susie,” Nico says, “Can you give us a moment alone, please?” Susie stands in the door, furious, “Fine, take all the time you need.” She slams her hand on the button closing the door, leaving us alone. “Amata, please listen I had every intention of telling you but then Beatrice came in, and I was shocked to see her. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done it in the first place.” I’ve since taken the pillow I was going to use to smother her and have been holding it to my chest as I sit on the edge of the bed. Tears streaming down my face. “Amata, please…” She tries to take my hand but I pull it away. “Do you know how worried I was, I couldn’t think or focus on anything. I was so scared that I was going to lose you AGAIN?! And then you go and pull a stunt like that.” “Well if you want you can exile me again.” _Not. Funny._

I give her a withering stare. “Uh it was a joke...just a joke, please don’t exile me again, wait aren’t I still exiled from last time.” I wipe my face with my sleeve before responding. “No, the second day you were here I convened the vault and gave you full residency again, only Officer Taylor dissented but the rest of the vault agreed with my decision.” “Crazy old Officer Taylor, I guess he still hates me. Guess he won’t be the only one now, with the look susie gave me I think she wishes she didn’t drag me back. I think I even saw disappointment from Dogmeat, Susie has told me that you and he have gotten along great. And now you hate me.” I sigh, “ I could never hate you…” She looks at me with hope in her eyes. _Those damn eyes_. “I’m still pissed at you, don’t ever pull a stunt on me like that again do you hear me.” She sits up straighter and gives me a mock salute, “Yes Ma’am, overseer! It will never happen again!” She gives me a crooked grin that reminds me of when we were kids.

I smile and hit her with the pillow I have as she laughs, _oh how I’ve missed that laugh_. “Beatrice says I still need bed rest, so it looks like I’m stuck here for a while… is that okay?” “Yes, if you think I would let you leave the vault in your state then you hit your head harder than we thought.” We both laugh a little at that. She takes my hand and looks at me, “Are we okay?” she asks, searching my eyes for the answer. “Yes, we’re fine, like we've always been.”


	8. Reliving the Past part 1

After Nico’s stupid attempt at a joke, _She was a horrible joker even when we were kids_ , things calmed down. Nico explained to Susie how it was a joke, Susie forgave her after hitting her with a pillow and threatening to smother if she ever tried to do something like that again. I know why Susie was so furious at Nico over the joke, don’t get me wrong I was furious too, but Susie has been my confidant ever since Nico left the vault. She’s knows how deeply I feel for Nico and why that stunt hurt me. After Nico apologized to both of us about a hundred times, things settled down. I informed Susie that if she was feeling up to it, I would authorize her to go to Megaton and do some trading. Stanley’s inventory list was very useful, I figured we can trade some of the many vault suits we have as well as some of the obsolete tech. It’s light and shouldn’t prove to be too much trouble for Susie to take. Nico suggested that Dogmeat go with her to alert her of any dangers.

We all talked about the Deathclaw. Nico said that they aren’t usually this far south and that they mainly stay up north. It may have been just a fluke but she tells Susie to stay on her guard. There aren’t that many raider groups from here to Megaton. Occasionally some hold up in a school in Springvale. She said that no matter how many times she clears that area, after a while they keep coming back. Besides that she shouldn’t have that much trouble. She also tells Susie to go to her house and get some better armour and weapons for herself and to bring some back for her since the deathclaw tore it up. Susie had told me that before they had left Megaton when they first met up, Nico had given her some armour to wear over her vault suit and better weapons than a 10mm pistol.

As things started to wind down, I noticed that Nico was starting to doze off. That’s not surprising, she woke up after several days of being out of it, apparently had enough energy to joke around, then had to do some major groveling. That is sure to tire a person out. Susie excused herself to prepare for her trip in the morning, she said she will be probably be back the same day but if not she will use the radio in Nico’s house to contact us. After being checked on by Beatrice, Nico is halfway asleep when I decide to excuse myself as well. It’s still not late enough to call it a day, at least not for me. I told her I would bring up some dinner if she wasn’t too tired. She may have already been asleep to hear me say that but I’m sure she must be famished.

Her being back in the vault is bringing up old memories. I can still remember them as clearly as if they happened yesterday. A lot has happened between the two of us. Hopefully now that she is back and is no longer exiled, we can actually discuss how we feel about each.

 _The first time I knew I liked Nico as more than just a friend had to be when we were about 8. She had protected me from Butch and his gang of idiots yet again. Afterwards we had had hidden in a small closet down by the reactor, not many people knew about that closet as not many people were allowed down. I was trying to put some ice on Nico’s swollen lip, Butch had gotten a lucky punch in. It was more difficult than it should had been due to two factors. Nico was being a pain, albeit a cute pain, as she was reenacting the fight. The second factor was that I had my finger close to her lips, which was very distracting. I couldn’t quite figure out why I was so distracted by her lips, that is until I remember how in some of the novels that I had read where the girl is distracted by the boy. I wasn’t sure if this was the same thing as I was a girl, and so was Nico but the more I thought about the more it made sense._  
_I was always giddy and happy when I was around Nico, she could make me laugh even when I was feeling bad, and I could never really focus on whatever task I was doing while Nico was in the room as my gaze would usually wander over to her. I had no idea how to go about this. I wasn’t sure how she felt about me, I know she thinks of me as her best friend but do her feelings mirror my own?_

I take a break from my thoughts to get dinner for the both of us. She’s still asleep when I return so I put it on the table just in case. I haven’t forgot about Dogmeat, he licks my hand in appreciation for his meal. I go back into my office to continue my “work”. I think back to when she turned 18 that was the first time I really tried to convey how much I liked her.

_“Amata, you really didn’t have to get me anything.” “ What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t get you something for your 18th birthday?!” We were hidden away in our closet by the reactor room, while it has definitely shrunk as we have grown it is still a nice place to get away from the vault. I knew I had to get her something that she would remember, and perhaps be a way to show her how I felt. For my 13th birthday, my father had given me a necklace that had once belonged to my mother. I hardly remember her, and don’t even have a picture of her but I like to remember her as being a beautiful and wonderful person who would have encouraged me to chase after my heart’s desire. The necklace was simple but elegant. A silver chain with a small pendant attached. As Nico’s birthday approached I tried desperately to figure out what to give her to show how much she meant to me, how I thought of her as being more than just my friend. She was my person. I had pretty much ransacked my room when I remember the necklace. Since my father had given it to me, I almost never took it off. I knew it would be the perfect gift. Nico knew how much this necklace meant to me, she wouldn’t take it for granted and, maybe, she would even realize how much she meant to me in my giving this to her. I knew I had to take this chance. On the day of her birthday, I was nervous as could be. When we finally met up I could hardly keep from shaking. I presented her with a small box that I had wrapped as nicely as I could. She took the box again saying that I didn’t have to give her anything. I’m not sure but I’m pretty sure I saw a touch of pink in her cheeks as she took the box. If it were possible we had grown closer over the years, she was constantly saving me from Butch and his Tunnel Snakes. There were times throughout those years when I thought I was going to tell her how I felt but each time the moment arrived I would back out. But not this time._

_She unwrapped the box unaware that she was unwrapping my heart, I was giving her one of the few pieces I had of my mother. When she opened the box, I could see the recognition in her eyes. She looked at me with an unreadable expression. I’ve always loved her green eyes, they weren’t like any eyes I had ever seen. I once overheard James telling Jonas that Nico had gotten her mother’s eyes. I watched as she slowly picked up the necklace, “Amata, this is your mother’s necklace. There’s no way I can accept this. I know how much this means to you.” She grabs my hand to place the necklace there, but I clasp my hand over her’s, “Nico, you are my best friend. Yes, that’s my mother’s necklace and it does mean the world to me, but so do you. There’s nothing in this vault that could show you how much you mean to me but this necklace comes close.” I look into her eyes to see tears, I’m sure she would deny it but those are definitely tears. “Amata…” “No, I need to say this.” I take a deep breath, she looks at me almost in a knowing way but I have to say this if I don’t I think I’ll go crazy, I know it’s a cliche thing to say but it’s true. I look into her eyes “Nico, you are my person. The person who I know will always be there for me. Even if one day I snap and kill Butch, I know you’ll help me hide the body.” We both laugh at that, easing the tension that has grown. I continue, taking the necklace from her hand and proceeding to put it on her, “ You mean the world to me, when you’re around I can’t help but be happy, even when my father ignores me, or Butch is being an ass, you make me smile and forget.” I move my hands from behind her neck to cupping her face, she uses her 1-inch height advantage to place her forehead against mine. Being this close to her, I’ve forgotten what I was going to say, the only thing that comes to mind is a quote from one of the novels I’ve read. “I've spent hours contemplating the words to say to you but no combination of twenty six different letters could ever accurately capture even a sliver of what this feeling is..” (https://quotesstory.com/love-quotes/love-quote-you-ive-spent-hours-contemplating-the-words-to-say-to-you-but-no-co/) “Amata…” Is she going to kiss me?! Oh God I think she’s going to kiss me… She slowly moved her face towards mine, I could feel her breath against my face… Did I brush my teeth?! … I did. We’re good. Just as I thought she was going to kiss, the door to the closet slid open, scaring the hell out of both of us. Nico jumps back, hitting her back against the wall, while I’m cemented in place. My heart bursting out of my chest._

_Stanley looks between, realizing he was interrupting something important and quickly apologizes before shutting the door. Stanley, Jonas, and James are the only ones that know that this closet is our special hang out. Stanley must have gotten this closet confused with one of the others, my father has Stanley working around the clock to make sure the air and water purifier are working as they should. Time has been taking its toll on the vault. I know Nico helps out when she can, as does James and Jonas but to keep the vault running as it should it’s more than they can handle. I feel sorry for Stanley, I could tell from the dark circles under his eyes and pale skin that he hasn’t been feeling well but DAMN IT STANLEY, this was my chance. I look over at Nico who is still glued to the wall, I feel like crying, as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest. Nico finally looks at me, I know it’s only been about a minute since Stanley left us but it felt like an eternity. She walks over to me, gripping the necklace that is now around her neck. “Amata...are you sure you want me to have this?” There’s a hidden message in this question. “Are you sure?” she asked again. There’s something in her eyes, hope perhaps. I nod, my voice failing me. I see her take a shaky breath in, she closes the distance between us and kisses my forward, then my cheek. She wraps her arms around me, and whispers in my ear, “Thank you Amata, you don’t know how much this means to me.” Being wrapped in her arms is not a new feeling for me, we hug of course and occasionally sleep in the same bed usually whenever I sneak out of my bed, but this is different. Before I can ask, her pip boy beeps, no doubt a new task being added. Even though it’s her birthday, there is always work to be done._

_The memory fades as I’m still at my desk. My mother’s necklace is currently on my desk. I had noticed it when Beatrice had taken off Nico’s armour when she was brought it. I grabbed it so it wouldn’t break or get lost in all of commotion. Even after all this time, she still had the necklace. Another memory comes to mind. It was the day everything changed. James had opened the vault and fled. My father had gone crazy, ordering for Nico to be interrogated. Jonas had been killed by my father’s men. I had helped Nico escape and was able to meet her by the vault door._

_“Amata, come with me. We can search for my father together. Please.” I was so tempted to go with her. But I couldn’t just leave the vault, what about my father? I still loved him, I couldn’t just leave him, it would break his heart. “I want to, believe I do, but I can’t just leave. I may be able to talk to my father, get him to calm down.” I can hear the guards’ heavy boot running down the hall, we don’t have much time together. Ever since Nico’s 18th birthday, things had changed for us. We were closer than ever, while neither one of us brought up what had happened in the closet there was an unspoken connection that brought us together. But I couldn’t let her leave without telling her how I felt. Throwing caution to the wind, I wrap my arms around her neck and kiss her as deeply as I can trying to convey every emotion I was feeling in that kiss. I feel her stiffen but quickly gives way as she kisses me back, deepening the kiss. All the times I had wanted to do this, and it had to be now, not knowing if I would ever see her again. I can hear the guards trying to get past the door. Reluctantly, I pull back “Nico, I love you. I loved you since I was 8, I wish I hadn’t waited so long but I think you knew how I felt about you. I wish… I wish so many things, but go find your father and know that I love you and I’ll wait for you. I’ll calm my father down and we can figure things out.” The guards are almost through the door, we don’t have much time. “In all the world there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world there is no love for you like mine.” Why on earth Maya Angelou is in my head at a time like this, I don’t think I’ll ever know, but Nico smiles recognizing the quote. Before she can speak, the guards crash through the door. She takes one last look at me before running out the door. I try to stall the guards as much as I can, giving the vault door time to close. As the guards escort me to my father’s office I can only hope and pray she’ll be safe and eventually come back._

I smile at the memory. It had been so long since I thought of that memory. Time has only made my feelings for her even stronger. As glance at my pip-boy and notice the time, I should be asleep. After checking on Nico who is still fast asleep, I take my place on the couch. I know if Nico was awake she would insist that I sleep on the bed with her, but there are still so many things that we need to discuss. Tomorrow is another day and I need to be up early to help Susie prepare for her trip. I wish Nico and Dogmeat sweet dreams before falling asleep myself. My dreams are sweet but also incredibly painful.

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Reliving the Past Part 2

_The rebellion in the vault, I can hardly believe it has been a year already. I remember when I made the decision to reach out to Nico, hoping that she doesn’t hate us or me enough not to answer my plea. My father had become even more paranoid to the point of insanity. Butch kept coming up with ideas, stupid ideas, to force my father to open the vault. They were completely unreasonable but at least they kept him occupied. I still remember how incredibly happy I was to see Nico come into the area we were using as a base, the vault clinic. Officer Gomez had escorted her down to make sure she didn’t run into any other guards, those who were loyal to my father._  
_Her face was hardened, no doubt due to being out in the wasteland but her eyes were the same. I was just happy she was alive and that she came back. She was being surrounded by those who were on the rebellion’s side, Susie Mack, Old Lady Palmer, Butch, etc. When she finally made her way over to me, I threw my arms around her neck. I couldn’t help myself. She was here, she was alive, she came back for me. I noticed that the others had their eyes on us so I brought her into her father’s old office where Andy, that damn robot was butchering poor Beatrice. Before we could talk, Nico went about trying to save Beatrice. She did what she could saying that either Beatrice would pull through or at least make her a little more comfortable, whatever may come._  
_We finally get the chance the talk. Both of us are awkward around each other, something that has never happened before. But a lot has changed. I can tell from looking at how strong she’s gotten, body and spirit wise. I was to caught up in looking her over that I didn’t notice the smug smirk on her face. “See something you like?” I couldn’t help but blush, damn it. I remember filling her in on what had transpired since she has left the vault and to my relief she agreed to talk to my father. I only hope that he will listen. I don't know if she's changed from her time on the outside so I ask if it is possible to not harm my father, even after all he's done he is still my father. She seems hurt at my request. "Amata, you know me. Do you really need to ask such a thing?" "I'm sorry I just... I don't know what you've experienced on the outside. Speaking of which did you find your father?" I notice a change in her demeanor. "Uh...yeah I found him. He left the vault in order to help the wasteland. My mother had a dream of bringing clean, unradiated water to the people. After she died my father gave up that dream. Anyway, we went to the Jefferson memorial where project purity was at but as I was helping him set it up the enclave appeared and wanted control of the site and the project. My father wasn't going to let that happen so he killed himself and the Colonel from the enclave in order to save the project and me." I noticed tears in her eyes and for the second time I can't help but hurt her. "I'm so sorry about your father." "thanks." The last time we were this close was when she left the vault and I kissed her and told her how I felt. I still have no idea how she feels for me as the guard had busted through the door before she could respond. "Amata, I promise I won't harm your father. No matter what. I should probably head up. But when I get back we can catch up." She heads to the door but she stops before she pushes the button for the door. She turns around, walks up to me and before I can even ask anything she pulls me into a kiss. I was shocked. I couldn't believe what was happening. I grab her by the armour she's wearing to pull her closer. I can't get her close enough. After what seems like an eternity she pulls away and places her forehead against mine. "We have a lot to talk about, I haven't forgotten about that kiss you gave me before. I wanted to return the favor. " She leaves giving me a thumbs up as she goes. God, I can't believe I'm in love with such a dork._

_While she's gone officer Gomez comes down as does Mr. Boch, our former school teacher. Nico released him on her way to talk to my father. Officer Gomez looked concerned. He told me that Officer Taylor and a few of the other security guards know about Nico being back in the vault and weren’t happy, there was also a few grumbles from some of the other residents who still blamed Nico for what happened when the vault opened. Gomez just wanted to give me a heads up that it probably wouldn’t be for the best if Nico stayed for much longer as things could get ugly if she did. That’s not what I wanted to hear, I was hoping that if things went well with my father perhaps Nico can come back for good._

_After some time, my father appeared and told me he was stepping down as overseer and appointing me as the new overseer. My head is spinning. My father excuses himself to his room. Officer Gomez comes back in, congratulating me on becoming overseer but says that there is a problem. The news has already spread about the change in leadership. Those who are against Nico want me to exile her again, immediately. I feel like I’m going to be sick. I can see Officer Gomez still speaking but I can no longer hear him. Susie would later tell me that he had tried to calm down the others and give Nico a chance but the others were still so angry. Where the hell is Nico?! I need a moment and excuse myself to check on Beatrice. I can’t exile Nico, not again, not after everything, the kiss...Beatrice seems to be doing fine, she may survive this. Why can’t the others see how good it would be for Nico to be here? She has medical experience, she knows the wasteland and could help with trading, why does this has to happen?_

_I need to make sure the vault is running smoothly, I know what I have to do. But it may kill me._

_Finally, Nico comes back to the clinic, she tells me that she had run into Stanley and had some components that could help with the air and water purifiers. Of course, she would stop and help Stanley, they were friends. She walks up to me, those beautiful eyes sparkling, a slight blush on her cheeks. Oh God, why did I have to do this? “Hey, let me check on Beatrice real quick, then you and I can talk. Okay?” She comes back after a minute, “I think Beatrice may pull through, I gave her another stimpak which will help.” I need to do this before I lose the nerve, before I put Nico ahead of the vault. “Nico …” Before I could continue, I caught a glimpse of something under her armour. My Mother’s necklace. After all this time, she still has it. No, no. I need to do this. “SO..what’s the first order of business for the new overseer of vault 101? Whatever it is, I’ll do my best to help.” My heart is breaking, but not as much as her heart will be breaking. I need to get this over with. “As the new overseer I plan on opening the vault, this time for good. It’s a bright new day for the vault, but I’m afraid there is one thing that has to change.” Here I go, throwing away any chance at a future together with her. “There are still so many things to repair, and a lot of bad feelings to mend. Some people still blame you for what happened. So I have to ask you to leave. I’m sorry but this situation is just too delicate for you to stay. Please, if you really want to help the vault you have to go.”_  
_The look on her face is one of shock, how could I do such a thing. “Amata...wait a minute, this a joke right? Finally getting me back for all of those jokes I pulled on you when we were younger, very funny” She gives a chuckle, there’s a hope in her eyes that I’m merely joking with her. It kills me but I have to kill that hope. My prolonged silence is strangling the hope she had. “It is a joke, right?! Amata, please! I..I just saved the vault, how can you kick me out?!” “Please, Nico, understand. If you stay, it’ll just keep causing more problems. The vault can’t take any more in-fighting. It’s just what has to be. It will be a while before the vault is ready to open but maybe we will see you out there, and perhaps feelings will be calmer and you can come back. With luck we’ll meet again.”_

_Her eyes no longer are kind, but filled with something, hate perhaps. I couldn’t blame her if she felt that way towards me. I call her back to the vault only to have to exile her. The hate she is feeling towards me can’t possibly equal the hate I feel for myself. She braces herself, jaw stiff, “well then, I guess this is goodbye. Good luck with things...overseer. I’ll see myself out.” She brushes past me and I can barely stop myself from grabbing her and begging her to stay. “Please, Nico...stay safe out there. For me.” I can hear her stop for a moment before continuing on. I need to get out of this room before I completely break down. I head up to the overseer’s office, my office now, and completely break down. Sobbing so heavily that I can hardly catch my breath. I hear my door open and warm arms envelop me in a tight embrace. Susie. It feels like hours before I calm down but I eventually do. Susie informs me that Nico left, but before she did leaves Officer Gomez with more components to be given to Stanley as well as some Med-x and Stimpaks for Beatrice. This only makes me sob again. I can only pray that Nico will be safe._

I wake up startled. That dream. I look over and see Nico and Dogmeat still asleep. Beatrice says Nico is going to need rest, at least of couple of weeks worth in order for her concussion to heal. If she is going to stay here, we are going to have to discuss our feeling for each other. If she still has any feelings for me, I exiled her from the vault, she may still hate me for that. No matter what, we need to have that talk we never got to have.

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Feelings Abound

_It’s been a few days since I had my dream, we still need to talk but I’m too nervous to find out if she hates me for exiling her. I don’t think I could take it if she did. Things have been awkward between us, there are a few moments when it seems like old times but we don’t have that comfortable silence like we used to. Nico is down with Susie in the reactor room. Stanley wanted to talk to her about parts for the air and water purifier. Nico’s not going to be able to go back into the wasteland any time soon at least according to Beatrice. I’m still hesitant to send Susie back out even though she reassures me that the path to megaton is safe. Stanley has been wanting to get some parts so I may not have a choice, perhaps one of the traders that goes to megaton will have what we need._

I was about to go down and join them when a Susie entered the room, struggling to hold Nico up. Susie explains how they were heading up the stairs when Nico almost collapsed. I help get a barely coherent Nico into my bed when Beatrice comes in. She does a quick exam and comes to the conclusion that Nico had over exerted herself and needs rest. With Nico resting, Susie pulls me aside and tells me what Stanley would need to better repair the tech here in the vault. I giver her permission to go to Megaton and see if any of the traders have what we need. Dogmeat will accompany her. Those two have become thick as thieves.

I see Susie and Dogmeat off and returned to my bedroom. I figure I can do some paperwork while Nico is resting.  
About two hours later, I’m startled out of my concentration by a pillow hitting the side of my head. “The overseer is going to give herself gray hairs if she keeps working so hard.” I can’t help but laugh at her antics. “I think you will give me gray hairs faster if you don’t listen to Beatrice and rest.” “Yeah, sorry if I worried you. I honestly was feeling fine until we started going up the stairs, then...I don’t know, I just felt like I was going to be sick. I’m glad Susie caught me, if it wasn’t for her I’d be at the bottom of the stairs. Where is Susie? I’d like to thank her for catching me.” “  
She went to megaton to try and get parts for Stanley, Dogmeat went with her. Those two are getting close.”  
Nico slowly sits up. “That’s good, Stanley really wanted to fix some of the machines. I mean the purifiers aren’t going to stop working, you don’t have to worry about that, but it would be good to get the parts and replace them beforehand.”  
“Will those parts be hard to come across?”  
“No, I have some in my house which I told Susie about but it would be good to get as many as we need from the traders. They’re light so it shouldn’t be too hard for Susie to carry with her.”

The silence that develops between us is awkward.

I know she’s uncomfortable because, just like when she was a kid, she would mess with her necklace. Or in this case, my mother’s necklace that I had given her for her birthday. During the the days she was still unconscious I had put it back on her. She notices that I’m staring at the necklace, and stops messing with it. “You know, when I first left the vault whenever I felt lonely I would touch the charm on the necklace and think of you. In a way, you got me through some of the darkest days while I was out there.” “I’m glad you still have it.”  
I have to ask, we need to talk about where we stand with each other. “After I asked you to leave the vault after you helped, did you still think of me whenever you touched the necklace.” “Amata…” I can tell from the tone in her voice what the answer is. “After I left the second time, I was so angry at you Amata. I thought I’d be able to come back to the vault, help open it up to trade, but when you exiled me...I hated you.” That last part came out as a harsh whisper, I know we need to have this conversation but all I want to do is run from the room. “I left the vault and just started running as fast as I could, my lungs were burning by the time I finally stopped. Even Dogmeat was panting from the run. I had run to a small pond, the thoughts of what had happened just kept replaying in my head, I was so furious at you. I wanted to hurt you so much...The only way I could think of hurting you as much as I was hurting was to throw your mother’s necklace into the pod. I knew how much it meant to you, it made sense at the time. So that’s what I did, I threw the necklace as hard as I could in the pond. By this time it was already getting dark, so Dogmeat and I took shelter in an abandoned boat. But all night, I couldn’t sleep. I was plagued with the memories of us. The birthday party you had thrown me, when you had given me the necklace, the countless hours we spent together, how I felt about you when you kissed me as I left the vault, having those same feelings when I had kissed you. Turns out, that as much I wanted to hate you, I just couldn’t. I… I just can’t.”

By this point, I can’t stop the tears that are falling. The relief of knowing she doesn’t hate me for choosing the vault over her is the most amazing feeling. I’ve moved to sit next to her on the bed.  
“If you threw the necklace in the pond, how do you have it now?” Nico gives me a crooked smile. “Well… I couldn’t sleep so I got up and was walking along the pond. I got to the spot where I had thrown the necklace, I realized how stupid I was being. You had made the right decision, my presence in the vault would have only caused you more problems. My feelings for you were still there but I would just have to wait. I’ve kept my radio on all the time, hoping to pick up a signal from the vault saying I could come back. But going back to your necklace, what I had done hit me like a mini nuke. I took of running, than swimming into the pond as fast as I could. Radiation be damned. I had to find the necklace. The flashlight on the pipboy was a life saver, that along with the radaway and rad-x. After what seemed like hours, the light caught a glimpse of the necklace. After I had gone back up for air, I was so happy that I didn’t even realize that Dogmeat was barking. I was trying to figure out what he was barking at when I got pulled back under by a miralurk hunter. It had grabbed me by the ankle, which is why I have a scar on my left ankle, and was trying to grab me with its other claw. The only weapon I had on me was my knife, I had also been in the water for a lot longer than I should have so the radiation was getting to me as well. I finally got a stab in and was able to swim back to shore. But Dogmeat was fighting a miralurk king, those are nasty bastards. They shoot a sonic wave that can give you a concussion. Unfortunately, I was so out of it from being in the water, that I got hit with one. It gave me a concussion, not as bad as the one I have now, but fighting a miralurk hunter and a miralurk king, with advanced radiation, a crippled ankle and a concussion was not easy. To be honest, there was moment when I thought that this might just be the end. But thankfully Dogmeat was able to get their attention long enough for me to get my rifle and take them out. We were pretty beat up, so we slowly made our way to Big Town where the Red took care of both of us. She gave me a good tongue lashing about going into irradiated water, we had to stay there for about a week because of my ankle but at least I had the necklace.”

I’m glad that she got my mother’s necklace back but was furious that she almost died to get it back. I grabbed the pillow, the same one she hit me with, and gently hit her with it. “You idiot!! What were you thinking?! I would have never forgiven you if you died trying to get the necklace back, you mean more to me than that necklace.”

“I know, I know, after Red patched me up she asked me what was so damn important to risk my life over. I told her it was for the necklace that the girl I love gave me.”

Nico’s looking at me, her words ringing in my head “ _it was for the necklace that the girl I love gave me.” Love, present tense, not loved past tense. She still loves me. Oh my God._ I can’t help but surge forward, capturing her lips with mine. For the first time since she has left, I feel as if I can finally breathe. _She’s here. She’s safe. She loves me. She’s mine._ I’ve been so caught up in our kiss, that I haven’t realized that she’s pulled me on top of her, both of us now lying on the bed. She breaks the kiss, “I love you Amata, and to answer your question, yes, after I got the necklace back I thought of you whenever I felt it. I just kept hoping one day I’d hear a radio signal saying that I can come home.”  
I surge forward again, connecting our lips. I can’t stand to be away from her. I break the kiss this time. “I’ve loved you since we were kids, Nico. I told you this when you left to follow your father, my feelings for you haven’t changed if possible they have only gotten stronger. It almost killed me when I asked you to leave the vault, I wanted to chase after you but I had to be here for our vault. But we found our way to each other...I love you, Nico.” My words have brought tears to her eyes, she pulls me back down continuing the kiss.  
I’m not sure how long we had been kissing but we were finally interrupted by Susie, who was coming to tell me she was back and had gotten the parts, and Beatrice, who was coming to check on Nico. We had been kissing when I kept hearing someone clear their throat, I didn’t think much of it, I was just happy being wrapped up in Nico. It wasn’t until I heard Susie’s distinct OH MY GOD!! That Nico and I pulled away from each other. Beatrice was professional in her manner, turning away, although I could clearly see a smile on her face. Susie, on the hand, was jumping up and down and proclaiming that she knew we would get together and that Wally owed her money.  
I can only imagine the scene here. Apparently during the time that we were...occupied with each other, we had kicked off the blanket from my bed, both of our necks were covered with hickies, my vault suit had been unzipped exposing my black tank top, Nico’s shirt had been taken off, leaving her in only a bra. _Dear God, Susie will never let me hear the end of this._  
Nico and I both scramble to make ourselves presentable. “Susie, were you able to get the parts you needed?” “Oh I got what I needed, and by the looks of it, you were getting what you needed.” Beatrice cracks up laughing at this comment from Susie, if possible Nico and I grow even redder from embarrassment. Beatrice swats Susie on the arm, “now Susie, leave them alone. While I’m very happy for the two of you, I really should do a check up on Nico. And Nico, since your shirt is already off I can check the gashes on your back.” This time it is Susie who laughs, who would have thought that Beatrice, our no-nonsense doctor would have a sense of humour.  
Finally, Susie and I excuse ourselves so Beatrice can do her exam. We go into my office. Susie still has a shit eating grin on her face. I try to change the subject but Susie isn't having it. After she's done teasing me though, she pulls me into a hug. I know she was just playing with me, we've grown as close to as sisters over the past few years. "I'm so happy for you Amata. I know how you've felt about Nico. You deserve to be happy." "thank you susie, today has been a whirlwind to say the least. We finally talked about how we felt about each other. I can't believe that after all this time she feels the same for me. I think I might be dreaming." "Nah, you aren't dreaming. If you were dreaming, Beatrice and I wouldn't have walked in on you two. "

After we are done talking about today's events, Susie excuses herself to go give the parts to Stanley. Beatrice stops me and gives me an update on Nico. Her wounds are healing but she has to take it easy. Of course, she had to get in another shot " that means no vigorous activity, you know what I mean." She leaves laughing as I turn red.  
I head back into my room to see Nico playing with Dogmeat. I come to sit back on the bed next to Nico. I feel an arm come around my waist, and Nico's head lay on my shoulder. "Susie didn't you give you too hard of a time did she?" "No, she was just joking with me. We've grown to be like sisters." "I'm glad that you have someone that you could confide in."  
I turn around and press my forehead to hers, “Now I have someone else I can confide in, right?” “Yes, you can always confide with me. I love you Amata.” I love hearing her say that. We kiss again, but slower than the previous kisses. She’s not going anywhere, we have all the time in the world.

We eventually head to bed, but I’m no longer sleeping on the couch. Nico insists that I sleep in the bed, “That couch can’t be comfortable, I promise to be on my best behavior.” So here we are, cuddled up, in my bed, Dogmeat snoozing in the corner. While Nico promised to be on her best behavior, I made no such promise. We are completely wrapped up in each other, limbs tangled up.  I have a feeling that this relationship is going to progress much faster than perhaps we are ready for if we don’t put up some boundaries. But for now, I’ll let the steady beat of her heart lure me to sleep.


	11. The Argument

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's it going readers? Nico here. A little update about some stuff. So in hindsight I probably should have spaced the chapters out a little more than posting everyday so from now on I'll post them every other day. I've got a couple of chapters already written just got to edit and proofread it. So new chapter on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I've got plenty of ideas for this story so it's going to be longer than I had originally expected. There are some chapters where I will up the rating for dark themes. So that's about it, uh, here's the new chapter, I wrote it while listening to "Drop your guard by Jasmine Thompson." It's a good song, if you want to give it a listen.

_ Today was not a good day.   _

_ We had an argument. _

_ My head is still reeling from it.   It’s been about a ten days since Nico has been awake.  She’s been sleeping most of the time, recovering from injuries.  But now that she’s been feeling better, she’s opening up to me about some of the difficult choices she has had to make out there.  The argument began while she was talking about a place called the Pitt and the decision she made concerning the people there.  Needless to say I didn't agree with it.   _

 

"How could you leave those people there to be slaves?!"  I asked   "Amata, do you really expect to me to kidnap a child, A CHILD, from her parents to give to a man who not only lied to me but most likely had no plans to help the slaves.  Weirner wanted one thing, which is what most people want in the wastes, power.  Whose to say that he was going to continue a search for the cure, or that he would treat the child well?  The moment I left, he could have done anything to her; I wasn't going to take that chance."

 

_ Things escalated out of control.  I saw her point.  I understood her point, but something in me just wouldn't let it go.  I can see she's starting to become agitated, walking from wall to wall in my office, eyes darting around, fast breaths.  I should have let it go.  Oh how I wished I had just let it go.   _

  
  


"So because he lied to you about the what the cure was, you left hundreds of people to suffer and possibly hundreds more to be kidnapped by Asher's raiders?"

 

"Amata, not everything is black and white."

"I know everything isn't black and white!"

"WELL then, what should I have done?!" She yelled at me, "In your infinite overseer wisdom what would you have done?!  Kill the child's parents to hand her over to a power-hungry man?!"  

"I would have thought of a better solution, a compromise perhaps."

"In the wasteland, you can't always compromise, and in this situation there was no comprise.  I have met men like Wierner, once they are in power they will keep their boot on the necks of the very people they were promising to help.  I wasn't going to become a murderer of a child's parents, to put MORE blood on my hands, to see that happen!"

  
  


_ I'm shocked to hear that last statement.  I know Nico has had to survive in the wastes and I'm sure she has had to kill, Suzie has told me of encounters that they have had with raiders, but she never seems to show any emotions about doing what she has had to do.  The wasteland has made her a hardened warrior, but underneath all of that is a 20 year old woman.  A woman who has witnessed so much pain and death in her life, that the pain I have felt can't even compare.  Part of her pain I caused when I exiled her from the vault, from the home that I called her back to.   _

 

S _ he continued her rant, shoulders slumped, tears in her eyes, those beautiful green eyes _ , "I can't put more blood on my hands, I just can't.  More deaths, more pain, that's all there is anymore in the wasteland. I try to help where I can, but it seems all I do is more harm than good.  More raiders attacking people who are trying to survive, leaving behind broken families.  No matter how many raiders I kill, there is always more; more super mutants, more decisions to be made.  It never ends, it never ends....no matter what I do, it just never ends."

 

_ There is a distant look in her eyes, as if I'm not even there anymore.  It shakes me to my core.   _

 

I go and cup her face, forcing her to look at me. "You're wrong," I say, tears in my own eyes "look at all that you've done.  Without you, there would be no clean water in the wastes.  All the stories you've told me, Big Town, Riley's Rangers, Agatha, Megaton, those vampires, the book you wrote with Moira alone has probably helped more people than most can ever say.  You also saved this vault.  Without you talking to my father we may never had resolved the conflict.  My father would have never backed down from his position, but now we are thriving as a vault."  

 

_ She looks at me, still unconvinced, still with that distant look in her eyes.   _

 

"You also saved me."  This makes her come back from the edge, I can see it in her eyes.   _ Oh how I can get lost in those eyes _ .  "You have always protected me.  Even now, after everything that I have done, all the pain that I have caused you, you still save me."  Her eyes are searching mine, trying to find something.  "You see, if it weren't for you coming back, I would have no doubt been forced to marry someone from the vault, to carry on the vault like so many before us.  It would have been a loveless marriage, because the only person I could ever love is you."  There is no stopping the tears that are coming out of our eyes.  "I can't even begin to tell you how much I love you.  Not because of all the people you have saved, I loved you since we were kids, not because you are the "Hero  of the wastelands" like that DJ has called you, but because you try and it's so beautiful."

 

_ Before I can say anything more, she kissed me in a way that I can only describe as raw.  It is as if some of her armour has been stripped of her.  In all of the times we have kissed, it has never felt like this.  There was always a part of her that was guarded, hidden in the deepest part of her heart that she wouldn't share with me.  Perhaps, it was fear of me finding out all that she has done to survive.  That once I found out I would or could not love her any longer.   I still feel as if there is something still hidden within her, no doubt there is still more demons in her closet, but I hope that now we can move forward together.  That she knows that I won't judge her, but if she will let me, help to carry those heavy burdens that plague her soul. _

  
  


"Amata," she says " how can you love me? I've done so much. I'm so scared one day I'll wake up and this will have all been a dream. That you'll say you don't love me, that I'm too hardened and broken by the choices that I've made to love.  You should be with someone whose hands aren’t stained with blood."  

 

I feel like slapping her. Has she not heard a word I've said.  I kiss her with everything I have.  Trying to convey how no matter how she sees herself, I will love her to my dying breath.  " You idiot, I love your hands. Your heart.  Everything about you.  I may not always agree with some of the decisions that you've made but I've not had the experiences that you have had.  I'm sure there are decisions in my past that you will not agree with. But please know that no matter what, I will love you. And if you will let me, I can help you shoulder the pain and hurt that you are carrying.  You are no longer alone in this world.  You have a home here in this vault with me.  Please..."

 

I look into her eyes.  The tears are still there but there is also something else.  There is a clearness there that wasn’t before but there is also a darkness, I can both see it and feel it.  Like I’m staring into an abyss, but for now I focus on the clearness.

She kisses me, I can taste her tears.  I can almost taste the pain she is shedding.  She pulls back and softly pushes her forehead against mine. A soft smile on her lips.  "It's been a long day" she says, her voice rough, " we should go to bed.  Please."  " Yes,  let's go to bed."   We head to my room, no, our room, getting out of clothes and into bed.  She hides her face in my neck.  I can hear her soft cries but I only hold her closer.  Trying to convey that I'm here, for anything that she needs. I don't know how long we are in that position but eventually her breathing steadies.  Just as I'm about to join her in sleep I hear a soft plea: "Please, Amata, never leave.  I've been alone for so long, I don't think I could handle losing you know that I've found you.  Please. Please..."  

I kiss her head softly.  "I'll never leave. A pack of deathmutants couldn't drag me away from you."  

" I think you mean deathclaws."

 A small chuckle escapes me, " ah yes, deathclaws."  

"Amata?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for loving me even when I can't find it in me to love myself."

"Thank you for loving me even though I have caused you pain, thank you for letting me into your heart."

A peace settled over us as we both drifted off to sleep.

 

_ I get up before she does, her arms wrapped around me, like a child gripping her safety blanket.  It's these moments that I can reflect, to write down and process everything that's happened.  I think the rest of world can wait for today, my wanderer and I need to spend some time together.   _


	12. Further Talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating goes up to M for this chapter. Heavy topics coming up, mention of suicidal thoughts.

 

After yesterday’s heated argument, Nico is still fast asleep.  I get up briefly to get something from my office when I ran into Susie.  I told her briefly what happened yesterday night.  Susie isn’t surprised that Nico has demons.  Even though Susie was only with Nico for a week, Susie has changed as well.  Having to face the reality of the wasteland changes people.  There is a hardness to Susie that I haven’t noticed, of course my attention on Nico every since she’s come back to the vault.  I make a note to talk to Susie more about her experience.  I know she had to kill raiders, but in her report she mentioned Nico helped with the following emotions.  I need to make sure she is okay.  But for now, I need to tend to Nico.  I ask Susie to bring up some lunch later on, thankful to have her to confide in.  

 

Nico is stirring in my bed, or should I say our bed at this point,, Dogmeat notices and moves to her side, licking her hand.  This seems to help calm her down, it seems she was having a nightmare.  I crawl back into bed, careful not to disturb her, and slowly stroke her hair.  This brings her back, she slowly opens her eyes.  “Hey sleepy head”  A small smile appeared on her weathered face.  This moment take me back to when I would steal into her bed.  I always woke up before her and watched her sleep.  

 

Her eyes still carry some sleep in them but the distant look, the one from the previous night has returned.  I grow concerned about this development.  Is it from what was causing her to stir in her sleep?  She slowly sits up, “Well yesterday happened, I’m so sorry Amata,  I’m sorry I unloaded on you like that .”  

“You don’t need to apologize, I asked about life in the wasteland.  I’m so sorry about the experiences that you’ve gone through but like I said last night I’d like to help you burden that weight if you’d let me.”  

She kisses me gently, “What did I ever do to deserve you Amata Almodovar.”  I still can’t believe that this is real, that Nico is here in the vault, in my bed, kissing me.  I eagerly return the kiss before asking how she slept.  I want to help her with anything I can, I owe her that much.  We break apart long enough for me to ask how she slept.   “ I didn’t sleep that well actually.  I think last night’s argument brought up some memories I’d rather forget.”

  
“I don’t ever want a repeat of last night, I’m sorry I judged you.  I have no place to.  In the situations you’ve gone through I have no idea how I would’ve handled it.” 

“It seems we’ve had our first couples argument, we didn’t really get to the making up part though.”  She suggestively wiggles her eyebrows at me.  While I still want to talk, that can be for after we “officially” makeup.  Our make up session was interrupted by Beatrice coming to check on Nico.  Thankfully we are both decent when she arrives.  We have yet to progress as far as we did that first night but that may be for the best.  There are still so many things we need to discuss.  

 

After checking and changing the bandages, Beatrice mentions that Nico is healing but still needs plenty of rest since she has been getting dizzy spells.  She’s hasn’t ventured far from my office, occasionally going to see Stanley or going to the cafeteria, always with Susie and Dogmeat.  I don’t think she’s comfortable yet being back in the vault.  So far she has avoided Officer Taylor, the lone one who dissented to her being welcomed back into the vault, he still blames her for the death of his wife.  For the most part, however, everyone is glad to have her back.  She has talked some with Wally and Freddie, mainly about Butch.  I’m glad to hear that he has been doing well in Rivet City, he’s apparently established himself as quite the barber there.  I’m just glad he made it there in one piece, even though he was always a pain in my ass growing up he is still part of Vault 101.  

 

Nico has been listening intently to what Beatrice has been saying.  It’s mainly the same thing she says everyday, rest, keep the bandages dry, take naps when needed, and no vigorous activity, I can’t help the blush that comes over me thinking back to the last time Beatrice said this.  Beatrice picks up on Nico’s demeanor asking if she has any questions or concerns.  We are both surprised when Nico asks when she can leave the vault.  Beatrice casts a look in my directions, her unspoken question asking if something has happened between us that would lead to her wanting to leave.  I can only return her questioning look with my own, I know our argument last night was heated but enough so that she would want to leave the vault?  I thought we had made up from that, at least that’s what I thought before Beatrice interrupted us.  

 

Beatrice for her part stays in control of her emotions, unlike me who is currently struggling with that, and says, “Nico, your injuries were very severe, almost to the point of critical.  When Susie first brought you in, I wasn’t sure my medical abilities would be able to save you.  You had lost so much blood...not to mention the injuries to your head and back, I truly believe it’s a miracle that you survived the night.    It’s only been elven days since you’ve come to.  You still get dizzy spells when you stand too long, I doubt I have to tell you that in your condition you won’t last long out in the wasteland.  I’m sure that if there is something you need from Megaton, Susie would be happy to retrieve it for you.”

“What would I be happy to retrieve?”  Susie’s perfect timing comes into play, perhaps between the three of us we can get this notion of leaving out of Nico’s head.  I tell Susie that Nico asked when she can leave the vault.  “Are you crazy?! Even the “saviour of the wasteland” needs a break, especially in your condition.”  I can’t help but be a little insecure when I ask, “was it something I did or said that made you want to leave?”  

Nico looks confused, but then the realization of what I’ve asked finally hits her, “What? No! It’s nothing like that.  Trust me, Amata, you haven’t said or done anything that makes we want to leave.”  I catch Susie watching me, no doubt wondering what has transpired between us for this line of questioning to take place.  

“It's just that...there are a lot of people out there who are counting on me.  Usually when I disappear like when I went to the Pitt or Point Lookout, there are rumours of where I’ve gone.  Three dog and the Brotherhood usually have a way of keeping tabs on me, so me disappearing for over a week is no doubt to cause a bit of concern.  Not to mention that I usually help out with the traders, clearing out areas for the traders to safely travel through.  I’m sure Three Dog is already churning out out a eulogy or he thinks I ran away with the newcomer out of the vault.”  We all chuckle at that, “Yeah, sorry Amata, but I’m moving in on your woman,” Susie says while bumping my shoulder.  “Is there anyway to send a message to Three Dog, just to say that I’m taking a much needed break, I know he will keep it a secret so that raiders won’t get the wrong idea and start getting bold.”  

“I’m sure we can find a way to get him a message, I’ve given instruction to Stanley to try and pick up outside radio broadcasts.  So far we’ve only been able to send out messages, and not receive them unless they are coming from a very short distance from the vault.”  I’m hoping that this will help ease Nico’s mind.  “Thanks, I’ll need to send one to Sarah as well, I usually stop by the Citadel pretty regularly, we’ve gotten to be pretty close…”  _ Sarah?! Who the hell is She?!  First someone named Buttercup, and now a Sarah… _ I turn to Susie to see if she has any Idea as to who that is but she is just as confused as I am.  There are definitely things I need to talk about with both Nico and Susie.  Luckily, Susie is one step ahead, “ No worries, if Stanley can’t whip something up, I’ll just head to your place in Megaton and use your radio, you’ll just have to give me the info I need to contact them.”  Both Nico and I give Susie our thanks.  Beatrice and Susie both excuse themselves, leaving us alone.  Nico seems to be at ease over knowing that she will be able to relay that she is fine to her friends, but I am anything but relieved, I have so many questions.  

  
  


I decide to ask about her apparent nightmare, if these nightmares are keeping her from resting than that is the most pressing matter, not my jealous feeling about whoever this Sarah is.  “Nico, were...were you having a nightmare this morning?  Even Dogmeat seemed to pick up on it.”  

Nico looks somewhat sheepishly when she responds, “yeah, I was.  I’ve started to have them so often that Dogmeat has become really adapt at figuring out when something is bothering me.”  “I don’t want to  push, but I’m here if you want to talk.  I promise I won't judge.  I just want to help.   I want this relationship to work.”  I hadn’t noticed but a distance had appeared between us, both physically and emotionally.  I was on one end of the bed while she was on the other.  

She gives me a smile and beckons me over to her side, enveloping me in her strong arms.  “I love you, you know that?  This relationship will work.  I’m sorry that you thought I wanted to leave because of you, I’m so use to moving that I never have time to sit and think.  That’s probably a good thing.  These past  several days have given me more than enough time to reflect. I kinda feel like my thoughts are going to eat me alive. Yesterday just made things worse...are you sure want to hear what I’m thinking about, it’s not pretty.”  “We are in this together,” I say, cupping her face, “I love you, no matter what demons you have.  I want to help you feel at peace here.”  

 

“Alright, well what I was dreaming about was my time in Point Lookout. I took a riverboat there, a lady had asked me to help find her daughter.  Turns out she was with some cult.  Before I could enter the church they were at, I had to cleanse myself.  I went to the cave where this ritual cleansing was supposed to take place, I was to breath in the fumes of the Mother Punga.  It sounds absurd I know, trust me while I was fighting my way past the miralurks I couldn’t help but think how incredibly stupid this all was.  Anyways, the fumes caused me to hallucinate, I mean like psychedelic hallucinations, it brought up all of my worst fears and inner doubts.  I tried to make my way back the way I came but I was confronted with Vault tech bobbleheads but they didn’t have the usual passages on them, they were much darker in nature and reflected my inner feelings.  I ran faster, leading to a table with a skeleton on it, a label reading “MOM’ was attached to it.” 

Nico takes a unsteady breath, I notice that her eyes have glazed over, like she isn’t even here no doubt being back in that place.  I try to give her some comfort, moving as close as possible to her, wrapping my arms around her, trying anything I can but I’m horrified at what I’m hearing, the pain and suffering that she’s been through causing tears to well up in my eyes.  

 

“The table was surrounded with birthday balloons, my birth meant the death of my mother.   One of the vault tech bobbleheads read, ‘Isn’t it funny how everything you get close to dies,’  I wasn’t sure what that meant, until I ran from the table and was confronted with dead settlers, Sheriff Simms and Miora Brown from Megaton… and you Amata.  I saw you, face down in the water.  I had killed you, just like I had killed my mother.  The gun I had used to shoot at the ghost ghouls now seemed so heavy in my hands.  After seeing you dead like that, I wanted to die.  All the pain I have caused, I wanted it all to end.  I almost did end it. I had the pistol under my chin, finger on the trigger, but I just couldn’t do it even though the voice in my head was screaming at me to just pull the trigger.”

Tears are flowing freely from both of our eyes,  _ I can’t believe I came so close to losing her forever.   _  I don’t interrupt knowing that she needs this release.  

“I finally made it back, got Nadien and headed back to the wasteland.  But I wasn’t the same after that.  What I had seen scared me.  Every Night and every time I closed my eyes all I could see was you floating in the water, dead, or my mother’s skeleton.  Thoughts of my father came about as well, seeing him die from radiation. After collecting Dogmeat from the Citadel, I’m pretty sure Sarah knew something was off but I left before she could confront me about it.  I came back to Megaton after that and, I’m disappointed to say that I spent a good amount of caps at Moriarty’s Saloon.  I wanted so badly to stop the constant images that were in my head.  When I wasn’t there, I was throwing myself into fights.  Not really caring if I lived or died.  It wasn’t until one day when I was fighting a albino Radscorpion, just a big of a pain in the ass a deathclaw and just as deadly.  The fight wasn’t going well, definitely in favour of the scorp.  I thought for a minute what it was going to feel like being ripped apart by those claws or gouged by its stinger, perhaps it would be a fraction of the pain that I no doubt caused myself. It wasn’t until I heard Dogmeat yelp in pain that finally brought me back to the present.  While I was lost in thought, welcoming my coming death and pain, Dogmeat had distracted the scorp but had taken a pretty bad hit.  

Seeing Dogmeat whimpering like that, the scorp ready to finish him off, sobered me up faster than anything in this world could have.  After disposing of the scorp, and going through pretty much of all of my ammo, I set up camp and gave Dogmeat every med I had to save him.  For the first time in a long time, I prayed to God.  I even bargained with Him.  I promised I’d never take a sip of alcohol again. Now everytime I go to Rivet City, I always give a little something to Father Clifford and Saint Monica’s church.  I figure that’s a better use of my caps, isn’t that right Dogmeat?”  

 

I hadn’t noticed but Nico had been stroking Dogmeat’s fur, who for his part had been licking her hand.  My admiration for the pup growing, he was there for her when she believed she was truly alone in the world.  I know there is nothing I can do to repay him for that, but I make sure that he gets an extra serving of food from now on.  I can’t seem to form words after hearing her story. What I’ve just heard shakes me to my core, the woman I love was so close to ending her own life, scared, and abandoned in some God-forsaken swamp.  I finally notice that she’s been staring at me, gauging my reaction.  I still have no words for her so I do the one thing that comes to mind.

 

I surge forward, kissing her as if my life depended on it, running my hands through her bed-messy hair, down her strong shoulders, her chest, her arms.  I can’t touch her enough, she’s here, she’s real.  To think I was so close to never seeing her again.  We finally break apart, keeping our foreheads touching, staring into each other’s eyes.  I finally find my voice, “ Promise me...Promise me that if you ever have those thoughts again, or if you ever have another nightmare that you’ll talk to me about it.  Hell it doesn’t have to be me, it can be Susie or Beatrice, Butch even, I don’t care who just don’t keep those thoughts in your head...promise me. Please.  

“...I Promise…”

I nuzzle my nose into hers, savoring being this close to her.  

“I’m sorry that I was so weak…”

I pull back, poking her chest with my fingers, “Don’t ever apologize for being human, you survived.  After the rebellion and especially after my father died, if it wasn't’ for Susie and Officer Gomez I don’t know how I would have made it through.  There were definitely nights when I stumbled into bed myself.”  There is a look of shock on her face.  “My father apparently kept quite the liquor bar in his office, didn’t find it until after he passed… You’re not the only one who has been haunted by the past.  I’ve had to deal with my own decisions like not following you into the wasteland, not standing up to my father before things got bad, not standing up to the people of the vault after you saved us, exiling you from the vault.  That’s probably my biggest regret.  I can’t help but think about what could have been if I had just let you stay, the people would have realized how valuable to the vault you are.  You wouldn’t have been out there alone in the wastes, you would have had me…”

“I’m here now...besides I was able to do a lot of good out there.  I think maybe things turned out the way they did so that we could grow… to be who we were meant to be.”  

I chuckle, “so philosophical.”” She chuckles as well before kissing me.  It’s at this moment that I realize that I’ve been straddling her for some time now.  She pulls back when she realizes that I’m not kissing her back.  My thoughts are definitely elsewhere, like the gutter for instance. I keep waiting for the bedroom to open and for either Susie or Beatrice to come as has been the norm every time Nico and I have started to get affectionate but this time nothing.  Both of us are beet red.  Despite how harsh life has been towards us, we are both still only 20 years old, neither one of us ever experiencing such things. I scramble off her lap not sure what to do with myself.  Nico also looks unsure of herself.  I never did ask her or Susie about that Buttercup girl or who this Sarah was.  Perhaps this wouldn’t be her first time with someone.  The thought breaks my heart but I know I have no right to be upset.  She is her own person and she can do who she wants.  The air around us has turned awkward.  I quickly excuse myself, stuttering about needing to talk to Susie about the trading process.  While this is not necessarily false, I desperately need to talk to her about more personal matters.  I don’t notice the pained look on Nico’s face as I hurry out the door…


	13. Sister Talk

I barge into Susie’s room startling her, “Jesus, Amata! What the hell?!”  “I need to talk to you, who the hell is Buttercup and Sarah?  Did she say that she has anyone special out there?”  

 

“Amata, if she had told me anything like that I would have told you.  Buttercup, she’s a girl around our age maybe a few years younger who lives in Big Town.  It’s definitely one sided.  I think she is just infatuated with Nico.  About Sarah though, I’m not sure but I think she may be part of the Brotherhood of Steel.  She’s hasn’t told me much about them except that they are distributing the purified water through the wasteland.  I don’t know the extent of their relationship but I don’t think you have anything to worry about.  She’s head over heels for you.  Every time I mentioned you out there she would get a smile on her face, there were times she tried to hide it but I definitely saw it.  What’s got you so panicked, was it because she wanted to leave?  

She may just be going stir crazy.  She did tell me that she was constantly moving.  I was actually lucky to catch her in Megaton when I did.  She had told me she had just gotten back the night before from some strange republic up north.  The republic of Dave she called it. “

I’m somewhat relieved to hear that there isn’t someone who she’s rushing out to see but I’m still troubled by what Nico told me earlier. I share some of what she told me with Susie who is equally worried as I am.

 

“I didn’t know Nico had gone through such experiences, I mean we talked but it was mainly about surviving in the wasteland and trading.  Once when after we had come up on some raiders and we had to defend ourselves, I had trouble coming to terms with having to shoot and kill people.  Nico had told me the first time she had to defend herself was difficult for her as well  But she eventually came to the conclusion that she had no choice, in order to find her father she may have to kill people, but that these people were evil, she would avoid it if possible but if she didn’t kill them than they would harm someone else.  There are small communities who are struggling to survive, these raiders just come in and kill and take.  Her reasoning helped me to understand what I was feeling, yes they were people but they had lost their humanity already.  Does that make sense?”

 

“Yes, it does.  I’m so glad that you found Nico and that she helped you out there.  I was so worried when you were gone.  I hardly slept.  I kept thinking that I had sent you out to your death.  Are you okay with everything?  I haven’t been putting to much on your shoulders have I? I’ve been meaning to ask you this sooner, but Nico has had my attention, I’m sorry about that.”

 

“No need to apologize about that, I come back with the girl you love draped on my shoulders barely alive...I’d be just as panicked and attentive to her as you have been.  But yeah, I’m fine.  The traders that go to Megaton are all really friendly, the path there is pretty safe as well.  Occasionally the stray radscorpion but they are usually the small ones.  Nico has some good ties with the traders, I think knowing that I’m friends with Nico has helped as they’ve been giving us more than fair trades.  I think I’m getting used to being out there, I mean it helps having Dogmeat around.  To be honest, I don’t think I’d feel comfortable being out there without him.  I’d like to wait for Nico to heal up before heading out further into the wasteland if that is okay.  I think we can get by with the traders and Miora at Megaton.”

 

“I’m glad that you are doing fine, if there is anything you ever need to talk about though Susie don’t hesitate to talk to me.  I’m always there for you.”

 

“Thanks, you’re the best sister from another mister and mama a girl could ask for.  But back to Nico, there was one night.  We had set up camp on the way to a town called Aerfu.  That’s the town with the vampires.  I woke up in the night to see Nico staring into the fire. I’d never seen her like that.  Her eyes were as cold as steel.  To be honest, it scared me.  It seemed like she could disappear in an instant.  She noticed I was awake and brushed it off saying that she was thinking of what else I needed to know to be a successful trader but I knew she was lying.  I didn’t push her because without her I would be lost but it definitely caught my attention. Did she say how long ago she almost…”

 

“No, she didn’t.  I’m worried about her Susie.  She’s finally back but I feel like she’s slipping away.”

“We’ll both keep an eye on her, but I’m sure it’s strange to be back here.  Her plan was to drop me off and pick me up at the bottom of the hill.  She didn’t have any plans of coming inside the vault even though I told her that she was welcome and that you would be happy to see her.”  

 

“By the way, thanks for laying it on so think, you made it seem like I was pining away for her.”

 

“Well you kinda were.”

 

“Shut up!”

 

We both chuckle about that, I was definitely a love sick puppy during the two years she was gone. 

 

“There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about, it’s about...you know.” 

 

“Not sure what you’re talking about.”

 

“Well...while she was telling me about her experiences, I kinda...ended up straddling her and at one point I definitely got to second base.”

 

“OH MY GOD AMATA!  Did you and Nico…”

 

“No! We didn’t.  That one day you and Beatrice walked in on us was the furthest we’ve gotten.  Once I realized where I was situated I jumped up and ran here.”  

 

“What?!  You left Nico to come talk to me, get your ass back over there and get your girl.”  

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, I’ve never…”  I trail off a bit embarrassed to talk about this topic even though Susie and I are as close as we are. 

“I’m not sure how you think I can help, I mean I fooled around with Butch before he left the vault but sorry I don’t know much about the ladies.  But my advice, just take it slow. She’s probably pretty vulnerable right now.  I’m not saying don’t be affectionate with her,  just be mindful.  She’s obviously been through a lot, just be slow and steady”  

 

I know Susie is right, talking with her has definitely helped ease my mind.   “Thank you Susie, I’d be lost without you.”  “No problem, why don’t we walk to the cafeteria and you can take Nico some dinner, you gotta wine and dine your girl before you move things forward.”  

I bump shoulder with her, she can’t help but mess with me when it comes to Nico but I’m truly glad to have her.  


	14. Old Scars

I leave Susie to fetch Nico and I some dinner.  The talk with Susie has really helped to put my mind at ease.  _ Slow and Steady.  Slow and Steady.   _ That’s what we both need.  Nico needs to heal, both physically and mentally.  Only then can we move this relationship into a more physical manner. 

I open the door and Nico is nowhere to be found.  A moment of panic runs through me until I hear the sound of running water.  Nico must be in the shower, part of me wants to check on her but I decide against that , she needs to have some time to herself especially while in the shower.  I place our dinners on the nightstand, placing Dogmeat’s in front of him.  I give the pup some gentle pets, “Thank you for being there for her when I couldn’t.  I can never thank you for that.”  Dogmeat licks my face before chowing down on his food.  I hear the water stop and pick myself up from the floor.   _ Slow and Steady _ . 

I busy myself with tidying up a bit, the room has been a bit of a mess with the multitude of people coming and going.  Nico emerges from the bathroom wearing a bra and her pajama bottoms.  Her torso on display.   _ Dear God, Slow and Steady Amata _ .  Nico notices I’m in the room when I clumsily drop papers scattering them on the floor.    _ Gotta think of something quick.  _ “Hey...I brought us some dinner, Dogmeat’s already started on his.”   _ Real smooth Amata. _   
“Thanks.”

Something is still off about Nico but I let it go, she needs to heal at her own pace. I’ll be here for her when she needs me. We eat our dinner, Nico still without a shirt on to allow for the wounds to air dry, in a somewhat awkward silence.   The three gashes on her back will no doubt leave nasty scars.  With her shirt off, I’m given a chance to admire her torso.  The last time I had the chance to see her torso was immediately after Susie had brought her in from the wasteland.  Beatrice had cut off her armour and clothes, blood was on every inch of both.  The memory causes a shudder to run up my spine.  I had come so close to losing her then, but apparently I had come close to losing her without knowing it.    


Lean muscle is on display before me but also the many scars that she has acquired during her time in the wasteland.  She notices that my gaze is on a particular scar on her side, it extends from below her ribs to mid-back.  “I got that scar from the battle at the Jefferson Memorial, Sarah Lyons and I were making our way to the purifier when an enclave soldier snuck up on us.  He was using a stealth boy, it’s a piece of technology that can make it very difficult for a person to detect them.  But if you see it enough,  you can detect the outline of their figure, that’s how I was able to see him but it was too late.  He had already fired, aiming for Sarah, I was able to push her out of the way but I took the hit.  At first, I didn’t think it was too bad.  I thought my armour had done its job and took the blunt of the force but I started to bleed profusely soon after we had disposed of Colonel Autumn and his men around the purifier.

 

Sarah was helping to patch me up when Doctor Li contacted us saying that we needed to start the purifier or it would blow up, but the radiation meant certain death for anyone who entered.  I figured with my wound I may not last that much longer anyways, besides it was my parents dream to bring clean water to the wasteland.  I should be the one to do it.  I bid a tearful farewell to Sarah and Dogmeat and entered the chamber.  After I had started up the purifier and as I collapsed due to the radiation and blood loss, my mind and body felt so overwhelmingly tired.  Snapshots of my life played before my eyes, you, my dad,  dogmeat, Sarah, Riley, Miora, the various people I had met out in the wasteland.  The last thing I remember was how nice it would be to finally sleep…”

 

Whenever Nico tells of her time in the wasteland, she seems to be in a trance like state, eyes staring straight ahead.  I cover her hand with mine, giving her some warmth and assurance.  

“Well to my surprise, I woke up two weeks later at the citadel with this nasty scar on my side.  Sarah was laying on the bed opposite me.  Elder Lyons was there, as was dogmeat, and told me that the purifier let out a burst of energy that had left Sarah in a coma for the past two weeks.  The brotherhood had retrieved the both of us.  My injuries were pretty severe, he told me the doctors lost me on the table but were able to revive me.  I had a few bullets lodged in my side which is why they had to open me up.   Luckily Sarah recovered and met up with me at Adams air force base where we watched as the Enclave base was destroyed.  The wasteland is a lot safer now that they are gone.” 

There’s a prolonged silence between us, as I try to comprehend what she went through.   

Finally I find my voice, “I’m glad that sarah recovered, it seems you two are pretty close.”  “ Yeah, we’ve grown really close.  I don’t think I could have handled losing her.”  Before I could say anything else, Beatrice comes in to examine and Bandage Nico’s wounds.  “Your wounds are healing nicely, how have you’ve been feeling?  Any  lightheadedness, or dizziness today?”  “None today, but I’ve been resting in bed for most of the day.”

“That’s good, your body definitely needs it.  I’ll come by tomorrow but if you have any concerns you know where the clinic is at.”  We both offer her our thanks.  

“Amata, if you have time I’d like to talk to you about getting supplies from the outside, perhaps we can talk in your office.” the request to talk in my office is surprising but I agree and accompany her into the office.  

“What supplies do we need to get, if you have a list I will pass it on to Susie.”  

“Thank you, but there is something else I wanted to discuss with you.  Have you noticed any strange behavior with Nico?  Since you spend most of the time with her you would be the best to ask.”

I wonder if I should tell Beatrice about Nico has told me.  I already told Susie, but Beatrice is the doctor of the vault, she should know and may be able to offer some advice.  I proceed to tell Beatrice who makes several notes. 

“Thank you for telling me,this may be a side effect of the concussion.  It can lead to mood swings and emotional instability.  Keep a close eye on her, I’ll be by in the morning to do a neurological exam.”   I bid Beatrice a good evening, and sit back in my chair looking over her list, stimpacks, medical equipment, and a request for medical books.  I’ll talk to Susie tomorrow about this, but  that’s for tomorrow.  

I head back into our room and notice that once again Nico is not there. Again, panic washes over me.  But unlike last time, I don’t hear anything coming from the bathroom.  Dogmeat has also disappeared.  I force myself to sit and breathe.   _ Nico probably just went for a walk with Dogmeat, nothing to worry about Amata. _

About 15 minutes later, Nico comes walking in, Dogmeat by her side.

“Hey...I took our trays back to the cafe and don’t worry I was very careful coming back up the stairs.  I must be getting better because I didn't feel faint at all.” 

“That’s great, maybe during the day or evening we can go for a walk, it would be good for the both of us.  There are some days that I think I may fuse with my office chair. “

She laughs and walks up to me, brushing my face with hands.  I can’t help the gasp that comes out of me at this gesture.  “I’d like that…” She closes the gap between us and kisses me softly.   I remember Susie’s words,  _ Slow and Steady. _

I decide to put my hands to use and tangle them in her hair.  We part but keep our foreheads together.  “I don’t think I’ve told you but I really love your short hair.  It suits you.”  She blushes a bit at that.  “Thanks, the last time I was in Rivet City I had Butch give me a trim.  Rivet City really suits him.”  We head to bed as she continues on about Butch.  I’m glad he’s doing well. We lay in bed together, a silence coming over us.  “Amata, I know that things have been weird between us, and I know it’s my fault.  I think not being able to move around freely is messing with my mind.  I think the walk will be good.  Can I ask something of you…would it be okay if you held me?  I’ve been having dreams, not particularly pleasant dreams.  I think having someone hold me may help with that, ...are you okay with that?”   _ slow and steady, Amata, SLOW and STEADY.   _ I inch closer to her on the bed until we are forehead to forehead, wrapping my arms around her.  “I’ll hold you all night if I have to, I’m not going anywhere.”  A small smile forms on her lips.  I can’t help but give her a small kiss on her lips, before both of us drift off to sleep.  


	15. Night Time Terror, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It is a lonely feeling when someone you care about becomes a stranger.” - Lemony Snicket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short chapter today but the next one is longer and darker.

I wake up during the night , the clock on my pipboy reading 2:12 am, to find that Nico is not in bed.  Her side of the bed is cold, Dogmeat is no longer in our room as well.  I throw the covers off, grab my shoes, and run out the door, panic and adrenaline pounding through my veins.  I have no idea where to look but I’ll need help.  I burst into Susie’s room, shaking her awake much to her displeasure which quickly dissipates once I tell her that I can’t find Nico.  We decide to split up, each of us taking a level.  I take the reactor level but with no luck, I had hoped that she may have been in the closet we used to hide in as kids.  I was heading to the next level when I get a message from Susie saying she found Nico and to meet her at the cafeteria.   _See Amata, everything is fine.  Nico was probably just hungry and decided to get a midnight snack.  That doesn’t explain why she wasn’t in the cafe when I ran through there to get to Susie’s room, but she may have been walking with Dogmeat before heading there.  Yeah, that’s it.  Everything fine._

 [2:42 am]n

I see Susie as I round the corner, the relief I had previously felt vanishes, replaced by a growing pit in my stomach upon seeing the very concerned look on Susie’s face.  “Nico’s inside, so is Dogmeat.  I haven’t entered yet.”  “What?  Why haven’t you gone in yet…” Before I can continue, Susie interrupts “Amata. Look at her eyes. To be honest, I’m a little scared to go in.  That’s not the same Nico we know in there.”

Baffled, I creep up to the door to see Nico sitting in a booth, clutching a steaming mug which I assume is tea as she never cared for coffee.  Dogmeat present and accounted for at the feet of his master.  But Susie is right, her eyes, the eyes I love so much and can get lost in so easily, are cold as steel.  I debate going, ultimately deciding to go in, if she needs someone to talk to I want her to know I’m there.  Even if she doesn’t want to talk, at least she will know I’m there.   

I knock on the door frame announcing our presence.  Nico’s eyes snap to mine, I think Susie can see the shiver that runs up my spine.  “Hey there.. Getting a midnight snack?  Do you mind if we join you?”  She shrugs her shoulders as Susie and I sit opposite her in the booth.

[2:50 am]

We’ve been sitting in a deafening silence for a couple of minutes but time seems to have stopped.  Dogmeat nudges my hand with his nose letting out a whine.   _Poor guy, he must be so worried._ I look up to Nico whose stare hasn’t wavered from her cup.  Susie has taken to staring at the table unsure of what to do.  She's not the only one.  I want to take her in my arms and never let go but with Nico in this state, that would probably be the worse thing I could do.  

So we wait….


	16. Night Time Terror, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls.” — Edgar Allan Poe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Chapter rating: M. Language, violence, general dark themes.

Here we are.  3:00am.  Sitting in the most deafening silence I can imagine.  I want to scream at Nico to talk to me.  Susie’s leg has been bouncing non-stop for the past ten minutes showing how nervous she is.   _“That’s not the Nico we know in there.  Amata, look at her eyes…”_  Susie’s words replay in my head.  What happened to cause this change in her, last was going great, did she have nightmare?  I didn’t hear or feel her stirring…

 

 “You know, about a week after I left the vault I was exploring near the Bethesda ruins when a woman came running up to me." Nico speaking brings both Susie and I back from our thoughts,  "She told me in a panic that there was a bomb strapped to her neck.  She asked, no pleaded, for my help.  I tried my best to disarm it but I didn’t have the skills to do so.  I clipped the wrong wire, which caused the device to start beeping.  She ran away from me so I wouldn’t be caught in the explosion.  I turned away, I couldn’t watch.  I heard the explosion.  I ran behind a rock and threw up.  I couldn’t believe what had just happened.  I was hoping that I was dreaming, that any moment I would wake up back in the vault.  But that didn’t happen...the sound of laughter pulled me out of my thoughts.  It was three raiders, they couldn’t see me behind the rock but I had a good view of them.  They were laughing about the woman who I had tried to help, saying that she had lasted longer than expected but now they would need a new toy to play with.  I was so furious as to what I was hearing.  How could people do this to another human being?! Up to this point, I hadn’t really encountered many raiders, whenever I had found anyone in the wasteland I would hide until they were gone. From my position behind the rock I was able to sneak up on them, gunning them down where they stood.  It was the first time I had killed someone who had not fired or threatened me first.”  

 

Susie and I sit shock still, absolutely horrified of what we are hearing.  Nico continued on, oblivious of our horror, still in her own head.

 

[3:27 am]

“Unfortunately, that wouldn’t be the only encounter I had of this type.  Couple days later, same thing happened, this time it was a young man.  Face full of panic, beginning me to help him.  Again I tried, God did I try, to take collar off but again I failed.  I didn’t want this guy to suffer so I whipped out my pistol and put him out of his misery, then I ran to get out of the blast zone.  

I covered my ears but it did nothing to drown out the sickening sound.  Once I had uncovered my ears again I heard the sound of laughing raiders.  I hear them talk about a place called Evergreen mills and how they will have plenty of toys to play with when they get back.  The blind fury I had previously felt before return but even more so.  Again, I kill.  I didn’t even hesitate.  

 

Once I gathered enough supplies and had improved my marksman skills, Dogmeat and I took a little trip up to the mill and killed every raider we found.  I had a little help from a super mutant behemoth.  I had sniped out the controls of his pen, I got a little satisfaction watching the raider try and bring him down.   I also got a little fun in sniping those who tried to flee. I think that’s how I got so good with a sniper rifle...anyways, after the outside raiders were dealt with I put down the super mutant.  Took a shit ton of bullets but I finally brought him down.  I had brought pretty much every gun I had for this trip.  I went in guns ablazin, bastards had it coming.  Before I slit the throat of the last raider, he mentioned that once Jones got wind of what happened, he’d string me up but only after having fun with a ‘pretty little thing’ like me.  He barely finished the sentence before I dragged the blade across his neck, his blood painting the floor…”

 

[3:43 am]

 

My skin is crawling.  Susie looks as if she is going to be sick and I can’t help but feel the same.  The horrors Nico is describing is no doubt part of it, but the coldness in her voice of what she did to the raiders, slitting throats, executing people, no doubt they deserved it but hearing the woman I love talk like this pains me.  I’m startled by Nico’s behavior, she’s laughing and smiling?!  She takes a moment to look between Susie and I, the smile still on her face.  

 

“Oh! I didn’t tell you about the Ghouls and Tenpenny.  Now that’s a story!  You see, I was traveling down south when I came across this fuckin’ huge tower.  Some rich, old, bastard set up this place for the other rich bastards so they can live in comfort in the wasteland.  As I walk up the gate there’s this ghoul, oh yeah never explained what a ghoul was to you Amata.  Susie knows that I’m talking about don’t ya Suze?”

 

I remember reading in Susie’s report about ghouls, humans who have been exposed to radiation for long periods, their skin reflecting the damage done by the radiation. I somehow find my voice, “actually Susie told me a bit about them.”  “Did she now? Great I can go on with my story.  So this ghoul, Roy Philips, is arguing with Gustav, douchebag head of security for Tenpenny.  The ghouls want in, but tight ass Tenpenny doesn’t want them in his precious tower.  Long story short, Tenpenny says he’ll pay to have his “problem” dealt with, Philip has a plan to “peacefully” get in to the tower by having me convince the residents to let them in, then he plans on letting ferals in and kill all the residents.  So I took Tenpenny’s money, walked into Roy’s place and shot him, his girlfriend, and his buddy dead.”  

 

Nico sighs, a small smile still on her lips.  “You know, I convinced the residents to let the ghouls in but then old Roy had to go and lie to me, he didn’t want peace.  So I killed him.  He shouldn’t have lied to me….”

 

Susie abruptly stands up,”um, I’m gonna get Dogmeat something to eat.”  I can hear the emotions in her voice, and see the unshed tears in her eyes.  She all but runs to the kitchen where I can hear her softly sniffling.  As for me, my mind is blank.  I have no idea who this person sitting across from me is.  I know I said I wouldn’t judge her on the decisions she had to make but my God!  What she’s told us…

 

Again she starts laughing, “you know what the best part was though, after I collected the money from Tenpenny, I killed him too.”  Susie drops a plate, the sound of it shattering is deafening.   _Who are you._  I think she registers the look on my face, “Don’t look at me like that, you said you wouldn’t judge me for the decision I made!  You were also the one who told me not to keep what I was thinking bottled up. You don’t get, neither did Three Dog, he called me an asshole for killing Philips and his crew, he has no right to judge.  He sits all high and mighty in his secure GNR office, surrounded by heavily armed Brotherhood soldiers.  He doesn’t know what Philips had planned, bet he would be singing a different tune had he known.  Tenpenny, you wanna take a guess why I killed him, he wanted to blow up megaton.  He promised me a room in his tower if I set off the nuke.  You wanna know why he wanted it gone, because it obstructed his fucking view!  He was going to murder everyone in Megaton just for that.  He was no better than Philips.  If I hadn’t killed him he would have hired someone else to do it.  Sometimes doing the greater good means blood on your hands, but the blood isn’t that of innocent people, no it’s the blood of those who will not hesitate to kill to get what they want... Had I blown up Megaton there wouldn’t be any traders coming anywhere near here, so in a way I once again save the vault…”

 

My hand moves on its own, landing squarely on her cheek.  The sound of the slap bounces off the cafe walls.  Again, silence.  Tears are streaming down my face, I can’t stop them.  Nico’s face is one of shock.

 

[4:06 am]

 

Someone clears their throat behind us, all eyes land on Beatrice and Officer Gomez in the doorway.  Beatrice is the first to speak, her voice coming across as pure professional, “Nico, why don’t you stay in the clinic, I’ve set up a bed there.  I’m sure you are exhausted at this hour, besides you shouldn’t try and get up the stairs.  We don’t need you relapsing.  Officer Gomez can take you to the clinic now…”

 

Perhaps it was my slap but Nico is knocked out of her trance and now seems dazed.  Her eyes looking around as if she has no idea where she's at.  “Yeah, I’m ...I’m pretty tired.”  She heads for the door but stops, turning back “Dogmeat, you coming?”  Dogmeat comes over to me and sets his head on my leg and lets out a small whine.  “Okay, suit yourself buddy.”  Both Nico and Officer Gomez leave, Beatrice calling after them saying she'll follow along shortly.  She beckons Susie to the table and sits down herself.  “Officer Gomez passed by and heard what Nico was saying, he ran and got me.  Once he explained what was going on, I told him to set up a bed in the clinic and I came over here.  I was standing by the door but out of sight.  My gosh, I can hardly believe what I heard.  Susie, Amata, are you okay? “  

 

“Beatrice, what’s wrong with her?!” the question comes out as strangled sob, the dam finally breaking.

 

[4:17 am]

 

It takes a while but I finally compose myself.  Beatrice answers “I believe Nico is suffering from the effects of her concussion, there is term called post concussion syndrome which can occur in people with concussions.  This paired with her own personal demons and her experiences out in the wasteland and you have someone who is barely recognizable.  Susie how was Nico when you first met up with her?”  “She was fine, there was only that one time when she had a serious look on her face but it was nothing like what I saw tonight.”

“I wonder if being near people that knew her before going out to the wasteland and now being back is having a strange affect on her mentally.  This is something I need to research but for now I think it’s best if Nico stays in the clinic.”  It kills me to say it but I have no choice but to agree.  We part as the clock reads 4:30 am, the vault will be coming to life soon.  I crawl into bed, my mind racing.  Dogmeat walked me back to my room before heading down to the clinic to join Nico, ever the faithful companion.  I lay awake and think if we are the reason for Nico’s suffering.  Is being back here causing her to face her demons?  Having to justify why she did the things she did?  The tears continue as I finally drift off into an uneasy rest.  

 

Tomorrow is already here.  


	17. The Real You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who’s the real you, the person who did something awful, or the one who’s horrified by the awful thing you did? Is one part of you allowed to forgive the other.” - Rebecca Stead, Goodbye Stranger

After going to bed, I didn’t get any sleep.  My mind preoccupied with Nico and her experiences.  I don’t think I have any tears left to cry.  My mind is not the only thing exhausted, my body feels incredibly tired.  I know I need to take care of myself as well but I want Nico to get better.  I need her to get better, maybe then I can finally rest.  I think once she gets better, I can finally overcome the guilt that I’ve felt since she’s been here.  If I was strong enough I could have convinced the vault to let her stay but I was weak and exiled her.  Because of that, she’s been put through so much pain, that she may not have gone through had she been home.

 

I give up trying to sleep and decide to get some work done.  I feel like I’ve been neglecting my overseer duties every since Nico has been here.  Finally around 11am I can’t wait any longer to see Nico.  As I approach the clinic I can hear laughter, I see Susie standing in the door looking just as tired but with a smile on her face.  She notices me and calls me over, “well good morning miss overseer, about time you arrived thought I was gonna have to drag you down here.”  She nods her head towards something in the clinic, I look into the clinic to see Nico on the floor playing with Dogmeat who is as happy as I’ve ever seen him, tail wagging, trying to jump all over Nico.  I’m shocked by the transformation of Nico, she went from being murderous to happy, almost normal.  She’s smiling and laughing.

 

“There you are!  I was wondering when you were gonna make an appearance.  I was just telling Susie how I was going to kidnap you so we could have lunch together.”  My heart is aching, this is the Nico I love but I can’t forget the Nico I saw in the wee hours of the morning.   “Dogmeat is also going to hold you to the promise of a morning and evening walk, Susie just got back from taking him for a walk outside.”  Nico gets up and comes over to wrap me in a hug.    I can’t help but melt into her.  I look over her shoulder to see Beatrice coming out of her office, a conflicted look on her face.  She clears her throat, “I hate to interrupt but can I talk to Amata for a second.  After that she’s all yours Nico.”  “Whoo! Here that Dogmeat, all ours!”  Dogmeat's whole body is practically shaking.  The pup is so happy to see his master back to her normal shelf.  

 

“Alright guys, I’m gonna take a nap but I’ll see you later then you can tell me more about some of the other trade hotspots in the wasteland.”  “Yeah, no problem.  Once I heal up we can go to Rivet City, I’m sure Butch will be happy to see you.”  “Oh shut up!”  “What made you so tired anyways?  It there someone special keeping you up at night?     _Wait, does she not remember what happened this morning._ “If only you knew,  I’ll see you guys.”  Susie leaves, but gives me a sympathetic smile.  “I’ll wait for you out here Amata, but try not to take too long Dogmeat is starving.”  Dogmeat lets out a happy bark.

“Don’t worry Dogmeat, I’ll only keep her for a moment.”  Beatrice leads me into her office making sure the door is shut behind us.  “Beatrice, does she not remember what happened this morning?”  “It appears so, when I got back to the clinic she was fast asleep.  Officer Gomez said she practically collapsed into bed.  She woke up a little over an hour ago and was back to normal.  I did a neurological exam and she passed.  I doubt the she is healed from her concussion but I think she is on the right path, now explaining her behavior I think there is something else at play.  But I don’t want to keep you from her so I'll let you go but I’d like to talk to you later.”  “Okay, thank you for everything Beatrice.”

 

I walk out to see Nico talking with Stanley, she notices me and says goodbye to Stanley, jogging over to me.  “Ready to go for that walk?  I was thinking we could walk for a bit then head to lunch.”  I can’t help but smile at her, her eyes are clear and focused.  She holds her hand out for me to take which I gladly do, our hands fit perfectly together.  We walked around for nearly 30 minutes until she stops us.  “ Are you alright Amata?  You’ve been pretty quiet.”  “I’m fine, just tired.”  She reaches out and brushes my hair away from my face, I’m lost in her eyes, so beautiful.  I wrap my arms around her neck, bridging the distance between us.  I can’t help but describe our kiss in cliched terms, fireworks exploding behind my eyes.  The hair on the back of my neck stands on edge.  My back hits the wall behind me, she grabs my hips and brings mine and hers together.  I can’t stop the moan or gasp that escapes me.  She uses my distraction to place open mouth kisses along my neck.  When she reaches my pulse point she gently sucks on it, the action causes me to moan harder, pushing my hips into hers.  She comes back and kisses my lips, leaving me breathless.  Her hands are now in my hair, pulling my face harder into hers.  I kiss her with everything I have.  Every fiber of my being is on fire.  

 

We are brought back by Dogmeat barking at us, he’s no doubt hungry.  We both sheepishly smile at each other, getting caught up in the heat of the moment.  She leans down and ruffles his fur, I use this time to fix my hair.  She clears her throat, a blush on her cheeks.  “Uh, sorry about that.  I really didn’t expect things to get carried away like that.  I just really wanted to kiss you.”    My face feels warm, no doubt a blush on my cheeks as well.  “You don’t ever have to apologize for that.”  She leans towards me about to kiss me when Dogmeat barks at us again.  She smiles “Alright buddy, let’s get you something to eat.”    

 

She wraps her arms around my shoulders and pulls me into her side, placing a kiss on my head.  Dogmeat runs ahead of us as we walk slowly to the cafeteria.  I wish I could stay like this forever, but I can’t stop thinking about this morning.  She terrified me.  I was not only scared for her but I was scared of her as well.  We walk pretty much attached at the hip until we get to the cafeteria where we get our trays and sit down. Freddie Gomez greats us as we walk into the cafe.  Turned out he has a talent for cooking, after the rebellion he became the vault’s chef.    She had grabbed her tray first and took a seat...in exactly the same booth as this morning.  I freeze, looking at her.  Dogmeat is already going to town on his lunch.  I sit down slowly in exactly the same spot I was in last night.  We eat in silence until Nico grabs my hand, I flinch when she did that but I don’t think she noticed.  

 

“Amata, seriously is everything okay?  You can talk to me.  Whatever it is I’ll try and help."    “It’s nothing...really.. I just didn’t sleep well that’s all.”  “Are you sure?”  Her eyes show concern, not the piercing stare I saw this morning.  “Yes, I’m sure.”  “Speaking of sleeping, do you know why I woke up in the clinic?  I can’t for the life of me figure out how that happened..”  My eyes go wide, should I tell her what happened.  Before I can think on it further she continues on.  “I mean the last thing I remember was falling asleep in your arms, which was great by the way.  The only thing I could think of was that I slept walked, that’s gotta be it...that’s gotta…”  She trails off, I notice the clarity is no longer there.  I see her slowly look around the cafe, then looking at her hand which is still holding mine.  She quickly pulls her hand from mine.  “I...Amata…”  She stands up from the table, eyes darting around.  Freddie emerges from the kitchen and asks if everything is okay, I quickly tell him to go and get Beatrice.  He looks at Nico once more before running down the hall to get the doc.  

 

“I have to get out of here” and just like that she runs up the stairs leading to the atrium.  I chase after her but even though she’s been bed-ridden, her time in the wasteland has conditioned her body.  Combine that with the sheer panic she’s feeling only makes her run faster.  I can’t keep up as she’s already out of sight.  I hear a scuffle ahead of me.  I turn the corner and see two of the guards, one of which is Wally, on the grounds slowly getting up.  Wally sees me "Amata, she’s running to the vault door!”  My heart jumps at that, I run faster than I thought I could until I’m standing in the doorway watching as Nico desperately tries to open the vault door.  

 

“Nico...Nico.. look at me please.  I don’t judge you for what you’ve done in the wastes.  In your position, I’d probably do the same.”  

 

“That’s not true...you would have done things differently.  I don’t deserve your love Amata.  I only bring death and destruction wherever I go.  Please just let me leave before I hurt you, more than I already have.”  Wally, Officer Gomez, and the other guard come in behind me.  “Amata.  What’s going on?” asks Officer Gomez.    “I think she’s having a panic attack.  Freddie went to get Beatrice… I don’t know how to calm her down.”  Just then our attention is on Nico as she punched the console, her back to us.  Wally slowly approaches her, but unfortunately for him her time in the wasteland has made her hyperaware as she easily takes him down. The other guard uses this to try and grab her as well but she’s able to throw him off but the physicality of it all is taking its toll as she starts to falter.  

 

This gives officer Gomez the opportunity to grab her and is able to get her on the ground.  She’s still fighting like hell, but her concussion is no doubt coming into play.  I get down on her level and try to talk to her,  “Nico..ssshhh..It’s okay.  I’m right here.  Your safe here, we all know that you’d never hurt anyone.”  “Careful Amata, she’s not herself right now.”  I hear Officer Gomez’s warning but continue on.  I try and touch her but she flinches as if I’ve burned her.  

 

Beatrice comes rushing in followed by Freddie and Susie.  “Amata, what…” Susie barely gets the words out before Nico kicks off Wally, throwing him down the stairs.  Susie helps subdue Nico until Beatrice fills a syringe and sticks it in Nico’s arm.  Within a minute, the fight in Nico slowly dissipates as she’s rendered unconscious.  “Beatrice, what was that?”  “A tranquilizer, she’ll be a sleep for a while.   Wally are you okay?”  I look over to see Susie helping her brother up.  “Yeah, I’m fine, damn that was a hell of a kick.”  Officer Gomez, Freddie, and Susie help carry Nico down to the Clinic where she is placed on the examination table, her arms restrained as Beatrice is unsure of how Nico will be once she wakes up.    Poor Dogmeat looks heartbroken.  He’s not the only one.  I gaze upon Nico’s sleeping form, her face anything but peaceful.  


	18. Source of the Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously.” - Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

Beatrice, Susie, and I are in the Clinic's office.  Beatrice is explaining what she believes is wrong with Nico.  “I stand by my earlier diagnosis that her concussion is the main problem but I believe Nico’s...behavior is compacted by a psychosomatic issue due to being back in the vault.   While it would be difficult to confirm my diagnosis without talking to people who know her from the outside, I believe that once Nico ran into Susie, it started a process within her thus why she looked the way she did by the campfire.  Being confronted with someone who knew her previously, someone who has no knowledge of her life outside the vault made her look at her decisions.  Seeing Amata, someone who she obviously cares a lot for only worsened her own thoughts and judgement.”  

“Beatrice...when she first told me about her experience, we got into an argument.  It was bad.  I questioned the choices she made...did I...did I cause this?”  I say this with tears threatening to fall from my eyes.  Beatrice sighs “I think...the argument didn’t help the situation but you didn’t cause this Amata.  Nico has no doubt been dealing with these demons, they were always there.  Susie didn’t cause it either and I’m sure encountering Butch didn’t cause it either.  It’s like a kettle, after enough time the kettle blows.  In this case it was just a series of unfortunate events.”   Susie comes beside me putting her arm around my shoulders.  “So what can we do to help Nico?  There has to be something.”  

 

“To be honest, Susie, I’m at a loss here.  That’s one of the reasons I requested medical books.  I know finding them out in the wasteland may be difficult but I’m sure there are some out there.  I’ve just been going off James' notes and the limited medical books we have.  It seems that once she confronted her past, she was fine.  It may have been the concussion that made her forget that about talking with you this morning.  Or it could have been her subconscious keeping her from remembering.   I’d like to say that in time she will heal, the more time she is around those she knew before may help.”  

 

“So we wait…”Susie says aloud.  “Unfortunately, until I have more to go on we have limited options. I don’t know if a wasteland doctor will be able to diagnose any better or have any other advice but it is another option.  For the time being, I think she should stay in the clinic.”  Beatrice sees that I want to object and continues, “I think Amata, that in some way you are a trigger for her but I also think you are the key to her healing.  You are the closest to her, sharing a bond unlike any other.”

I take a shaky breath, everything that has happened in the past 12 hours has frayed my nerves.  I’m barely keeping together which Susie and Beatrice pick up on it.  “Amata, why don’t you go back to bed, Nico will probably be out of it for several hours.”  Susie’s suggestion sounds great but I don’t want to leave Nico.  Beatrice picks up on my hesitation, “Amata, you need to take care of yourself as well, if you keep this up you won’t be able to help Nico in your condition.”  “I know, you both are right.  Please Beatrice keep an eye on her.”

 

 Susie and I take our leave.  “You should have seen her Susie, she was so scared…”  “Don’t worry Amata, We’ll do everything we can to help her get better, but we need to take care of ourselves as well and right now I’m in desperate need of a nap and the bags under your eyes show that you need one as well.”

 

“Your right, how about we meet up for dinner?”  “That sounds good, I’ll see you then.”

 

Once I’m back in my room, I crawl into bed letting my weight sink into the mattress..  I don’t dream at all, my mind is to exhausted.  By the time I wake up it is nearly 7pm, I resist the urge of running to the clinic.  Instead I send a message to Susie seeing if she is up.  Her reply is full of errors, no doubt just waking up.  We decide to meet for dinner in ten minutes.

 

After meeting up, we take our dinner to the atrium.  After what happened in the cafeteria I’m in no hurry to spend a long period of time in there.  It feels good to have dinner with Susie.  Before Nico arrived this was almost a daily routine.  After dinner, we head to the clinic.  As we near the clinic I hear Nico’s voice which causes me to freeze.  I’m terrified to see her, I can only pray that she’s back to normal.  I take a deep breath, steeling myself to whatever awaits me….


	19. Can we ever go back?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’ve got a war in your head and it’s tearing you up inside.” - The Waterboys, This is the Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heard this song which perfectly sums up the whole story:  
> Alex and Sierra: Little did you know  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-lp2bejhm4

We walk in to see Stanley sitting on a chair next to Nicos’s makeshift bed talking animatedly about something.  He notices our presence, “Hey girls, I was just telling Nico how I was able to pick up outside radio signals but the signal is very weak.  Luckily Nico had some great suggestions. Susie I may need some parts depending on what I can scrounge up here, but I’ll let you know. I’ll leave you girls to talk but Nico once you are feeling better come on down to the reactor room I’ve got some projects that Andy and I would love to get your input on.”

 

Nico gives him a soft smile.  “Sure Stanley, tell Andy hello for me.”  Stanley gets up and gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze. Understanding and sympathy in his eyes.  Stanley calls out before he leaves, “I’ll see you later Beatrice, if the leg gives you any more trouble, send me a message.”  “Thanks again Stanley.” I hadn’t noticed but Beatrice had been in the doorway to her office. She comes out explaining Stanley’s visit,  “I had asked Stanley to drop by when he had a chance to take a look at my prosthetic, it hadn’t been fitting right but it just needed an adjustment.  But when he saw Nico here, he couldn’t help but tell her the news. He’s been working hard on the radio signal.” “That’s great!” Amata just wait until you hear the adventures of the Daring Dashwood.  You are gonna love it.” Susie says excitedly. “Susie, just wait till you meet him, I’m sure he’d be happy to tell you all his stories.”

 

“Oh my God, Nico if you are joking I’ll smother you with a pillow…”

“I promised I’d take you to Tenpenny tower to meet him didn’t I. “  Susie’s jumping around, just like a little kid. My attention is drawn to Nico’s wrists, the restraints are still in place.   I give Beatrice a questioning look but before she can speak, "I feel better with the restraints on.” Nico lifts her arm a bit, “When I woke up I didn’t know where I was and unfortunately Beatrice had undone one of the restraints.  I may have almost punched out the good doctor here but Officer Gomez stepped in. It took a while after the restraints were on for me to calm down but eventually I did.” I look to Beatrice to confirm what I’ve just heard, she gives me a short nod.  

 

“Amata, I’m so so sorry.  I don’t think I could ever apologize to you enough, same goes for you Susie.  How’s Wally and the other guard?” _She remembers._  Susie ruffles Nico’s hair, “Don’t worry about Wally, I’ve smacked him around a lot harder than you did.  The other guard is fine as well, we may have to start a self defense course. My idiot brother was taken down too easily, if we ever have hopes of getting a trade caravan going we are going to need capable guards.  Don’t ya think?”

“You’re right, tell Wally that first lesson was free.”  We all chuckle at that.

I move my hand to Nico’s cheek, gazing into her eyes which look incredibly tired, weak even.  She nuzzles my hand. Tears start falling from her eyes, surprising all of us. “Amata, what if I’m too broken for you to love, to hardened by the wasteland, I just keep hurting you. “   

I shush her and speak in a gentle voice, the same used when comforting a frightened child.  “Listen to me, I will love you regardless. You complete me.” “I don’t scare you?” I sigh, moving my hand to scratch her heard, “I won’t lie to you, this morning I was scared of you but I know that isn’t you.  Yes, you have changed but you had no choice. If you hadn’t you may not have made it out there. I understand that. I know you would never hurt me. I love you, do you hear me? No matter how broken you think you are, I’m all in with this relationship.”  

 

She sniffles trying to wipe her face with her shoulder, “If it’s all right, I’d really like to kiss you right now.” I can’t help but chuckle before leaning in, our lips meeting in a soft kiss.  “Aww, isn’t that just adorable Beatrice, it’s so cute I just might vomit.” Nico and I both chuckle, Beatrice smacks Susie’s arm. Dogmeat has been chilling in the corner, no doubt taking a must needed nap like the rest of us needed.  We spend the next two hours enjoying Susie recreation of Daring Dashwood’s adventures.

 

After a while, I notice Nico struggling to stay awake.  We decide to call it a night. I give Nico a goodnight kiss and promise to visit in the morning.  Little did I know how different things would be by then.


	20. Can't Go Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You fell in love with a storm. Did you really think you would get out unscathed?”  
> -Nikita Gill

Nico left the vault...I’m sitting in my office replaying the last several hours.  The whole vault was awakened when the alarms signaling the opening of vault door where blaring.  I rushed down to see what was going on, I saw several of the guards try to open the door to the main entrance.  “Overseer,the door...it’s been barricaded. It looks like Nico is opening the vault door!” I rush up to the door, the small window showing Nico at the controls.  Dogmeat at her side. She’s working at the controls, a determined look on her face. I bang my fists on the door beginning her to stop and stay. But she only paused for a second before continuing on until she was finished.  She never once looked back at me. Officer Gomez and the rest of the guards are trying to force open the door but with no luck.

Susie came sprinting up, her armour and weapon in place.  I tell her what happened. She told me she stopped by the clinic before coming here.  Apparently Nico had picked the restraints with a bobby pin. The guards still have no luck with the door.  

I remembered in the overseer’s office the tunnel that leads to an alternative route to the vault door, that path hadn’t been used since I helped Nico escape two years ago.  I tell Susie to follow me as we rush to my office and down the alternate route.

We bust into the main entrance to see the vault door almost halfway closed.  I can see Nico and Dogmeat walking towards the door leading to the wasteland.  I cry out to Nico to come back. She stops but doesn't look back. Only Dogmeat looks back, a sad look on his face.  I see him look at Nico, no doubt begging her to stay but she only pats his head and continues walking.

The vault door closes.  Susie starts on unbarring the door while I tried to reopen the vault door.  But the overseer’s password isn’t working. Nico must have found a way to change the password.  I can’t make heads or tails of it. Once Stanley and Andy arrived, I came back to my room to gather my thoughts.   _Why did she leave_?  

Stanley has been trying to open the vault door but says that Nico scrambled the password and that it will take time before he can reset the password.  Not even the overseer’s terminal can override the controls.

In my room, I hadn’t noticed before as I was in a rush to see why the alarm was going off but on the pillow where Nico would sleep there was my mother’s necklace and a letter that had my name on it.  Apparently before slipping out Nico had snuck in my room and placed both on the pillow.

I’ve read the letter probably a hundred times, my heart breaking more each time.  

 

    _Hey Amata,_ _  
_ _Do you remember when we would hide away in that closet by the reactor.  That was always our safe haven, where nothing could harm us. That was such a simple time, so much has changed since then. I’ve changed since then._

_Amata, you deserve someone so much better than me.  Someone whose hands don’t drip with the blood of those who I’ve killed, whether justified or not.  I cannot stay here. I know you will never understand my decision but I do this for you._

_Amata, I love you so much.  Words can’t begin to describe how much I love you.  When you kissed me the first time before I left to find my father, I was so torn.  I almost stayed just for you. When I returned and kissed you, I was ready to stop running and come home but...well that didn’t happen.  I truly understand why you exiled me, it took me a while to comes to term with it but I understand and don’t hold any hate towards you. I promise._

_Our next reunion was not what I had ever planned. I thought I would never see you again but then I wake up and see your beautiful face._

_The days I spent with you were some of the best of my life.  I know, however, that during this time I hurt you, not physically but emotionally  I had never wanted to share those experiences with anyone. I had planned to take those memories with me to my grave.  Being back in the vault did something to me. I think it made me realize that I can’t go back. Do you remember the author I liked, Sylvia Plath? She wrote “I am terrified by this dark thing that sleeps inside me.”  I never know when this thing will awaken within me. Sometimes when I wake up during the night I can see it staring at me from the shadows. It’s for the best that I leave…_

_Don’t worry about the vault door, in five days the password will reset and you'll be able to open the door.  Tell Susie she is welcome to my house in Megaton. I don’t plan on staying in the “Capital Wasteland.” It would be too hard to stay.  I think I’ll travel west or to the commonwealth. Also apologize to Susie for me, I won’t be able to introduce her to Dashwood. She will make a great trader, but I would suggest she stay close to Megaton then travel with one of the traders._

_Please Amata, don’t send anyone out to fine me.  Forget me. I want you to live a happy life with someone who truly deserves you.  I only want the best for you and I’m not it.  
_

_I will love you till my dying breath._

_Thank you for loving me._

_Nico_


	21. Follow On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But I just wanted her in my life. I had fallen in love, even if she was still finding her way.”  
> — Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

I simply can’t accept what Nico wrote.  I won’t give up on her. It’s been three days, and Stanley has almost broken whatever it is that Nico put into the controls.  He says it won’t be long. Susie has been sleeping in her armour ready to head out in a moments notice. She also doesn’t accept what Nico wrote.  She says she’s pissed that Nico won’t keep her promise and introduce to her Dashwood but I know that she’s pissed at her for leaving. Little does Susie know, she won’t be going alone.  I plan on personally going and finding her. I can’t let the woman I love leave like that.

    Nico left some armour in the bedroom, it took me sometime to figure it out but I was able to put it on.  It feels strange being out of my vault suit but I remember Susie saying how Nico had her change because the vault suit would draw attention and make them easy targets.  I know Susie won’t like me going there but I don’t have a choice. I can’t stay here.

 Susie and Officer Gomez come running in saying that Stanley broke the program and the door is open.  I can see the argument in Susie’s eyes. Before she can speak, I speak first. “I know what you are gonna say Susie but I have to do this.  I know I can bring her home. Twice before I let her walk away, I won’t let her go again. So in my absence, Officer Gomez will be the interim overseer.  Now all I need is a weapon then we can head out.”

 

“What?!” Both Susie and Gomez say simultaneously.  “Amata, listen I know you wanna bring Nico back, I promise I will.  Even if I have to drag her back. I’ll have dogmeat help, I think he likes me better anyways.  You’ve never fired a gun before, listening to Nico’s experiences is one thing being out there is another.”

 

“I have to agree with Susie," Officer Gomez says "it’s too dangerous out there.  What will the rest of the vault think?”

 

“Tell them that I’m going to meet with some of the traders from a nearby settlement, they will believe that.  Officer Gomez, you’ll do fine. I’ve actually been wanting to talk to you about being second in command. Most people already see you as such but I want to make it official once I get back...now we are wasting time.  Susie if you’ll accompany me to the armory, I’ll grab a gun then we can go. Nico already has a three day advantage on us so we need to move fast.”

 

The tone of my voice leaves no room for argument.  Both know that nothing will stop me from venturing after Nico.  With sighs from both Susie and Gomez they accept my decision. After picking up a weapon and having Susie and Gomez give me a crash course on how to shoot we head to the vault door.  

“Last chance, are you sure?”  Susie asks, hoping I’ll change my mind.  “Yes Susie, I’m sure.” With that we walk out into the wasteland.   

As soon as we walk out, my sense are assaulted all at once.  My lungs ache from breathing the harsh air of the wasteland. My eyes burn from the blinding sun.  For a moment, I am completely paralyzed. Susie guides me to a rock so I can gather myself but once I do I look out over the wasteland taking in the beauty of it all.  

“Beautiful isn’t it.  The first time I came out here I pretty much had the same reaction.  Then the crushing feeling of how tiny we actually are hit and I almost went running back into the vault.  Our first stop should be Megaton. See if anyone there has seen her.”

 

We head down to springville, my mind reeling from everything.  I’m amazed with how close Megaton is to the vault. To think for the past 2 years, Nico has been right here.  At the entrance to Megaton there is a trader who Susie recognizes as Lucky Hairth, the trader who deals in weapons.  She goes over to him and I assume asks about Nico. Every since leaving the vault, I’ve been feeling worse and worse.  

I remember the photo of megaton that is on the overseer’s computer but seeing it up close crazy.  Susie comes back to me “Harith hasn’t seen Nico recently, he was curious where she took off to. Let’s head in and see if Nico is home, I’m really hoping she’s zonked out in her bed.  She’s still in pretty bad shape with her concussion, she has to know that she can’t travel in her condition.”

 

Susie leads me to Nico’s house which is on the hill not far from the entrance.  This is almost feel surreal that I’m walking into Nico’s house. We enter to a darkened house, but not all hope is lost.  Susie runs up the stairs to the bedroom while I check downstairs. Someone has definitely been here recently as there is food and open water containers on the table.  Susie calls me upstairs where she is talking to a Mr. handy robot named Wadsworth. “Wadsworth, tell Amata what you just told me.”

“Certainly miss Susie, Miss Nico has been here recently.  She arrived 3 days ago looking a little worse for wear. I suggested she see Doc Church for a check up.  She slept almost the whole day after that. Her travels must be taking  their toll. Well yesterday she seemed somewhat jittery, I asked if there was anything she required but she seemed to be a bit confused if I do say so myself.  She took Dogmeat for a walk in hopes it would help clear her head. But I’m afraid to say she hasn’t been home since last evening.”

“Thank you Wadsworth, Amata look over here, It’s Nico’s sniper rifle.  She wouldn’t go anywhere without it. She has to be somewhere in Megaton.  I say we talk to some of the residents and see if they’ve seen her. We are bound to run into the Sheriff, he usually knows who’s coming and going out of Megaton.  Let’s start with Moira Brown, Nico is bound to stop off there.”

I hear Susie but my head is pounding, the sick feeling I felt earlier having grown stronger.  Before Susie can say anything else, I run into the bathroom and throw up into the toilet. Susie is there in a heartbeat, hand on my back.  The pounding in my head growing even stronger. The last thing that runs through my head before collapsing is that maybe I should have stayed in the vault.


	22. Old Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I am afraid I will be like this forever.”  
> Sierra DeMulder, “Today Means Amen”

I wake up in what I can only assume is Nico’s bed.  The pounding in my head is not nearly as bad as it was before.  I try to sit up but Susie is there pushing me down. “Woah, just stay laying down for a while.  Jesus, Amata you scared the hell out of me.” “I’m sorry Susie. I don’t know what happened. Not long after we left the vault my head started to hurt, then when we got here I could hardly think.  Finally I think my body just had enough. How long have I been out?”

 

“Not long, a little over two hours.  I think I know what happened. When I first got to Megaton I was feeling pretty crappy too.  I think it’s just a sensory overload. Between the sounds, the smells, and breathing in the crap air, our bodies just aren’t use to it.  Combine that with all the stress you’ve been under and I’m surprised you haven’t collapsed sooner.”

 

I sigh.  This isn’t going to help things. I feel pretty weak and Nico is still out there somewhere.  But I need to soldier on. After resting for a few minutes more, we are both out of the door on our way to Moira’s trade post.  As we walk in the fumes that assault my sense are not helping the splitting migraine. “Susie! How are you? Don’t mind the fumes, they’re safe...at least I think so.  Here to do some trading?” “Not today, Moira. I was wondering if you’ve seen Nico lately?” “Sorry dear, can’t say that I have. Is you friend all right, she’s not looking that great?”  

 

I must look pathetic, leaning against the wall but I try to compose myself as best I can.  “Oh, my friend is just out of the vault and is having some trouble adjusting.” “Oh dear, well I think I have something that can help.  Sit down here at the counter. Drink some Nuka Cola, the carbonation helps. And let me say welcome to Megaton and the Capital Wasteland.”  I thank her for the drink, I can’t help thinking that our vault and Moira Brown will have a close relationship. After finishing the drink, we head out.  I’m feeling better but am a little worried as Moira was talking about writing a follow up book and using Nuka Cola to alleviate certain illnesses so I think I was a test subject for  her. I remember reading all the things Nico had to do when writing the first book.

 

Upon leaving we run into the sheriff of Megaton, Lucas Simms.  Once introductions are out of the way, we ask if he has seen Nico.  He says he hasn’t seen her but overheard someone say they thought they saw her head to Moriarty's saloon.  My heart sinks at that, is Nico going back to her old ways? I can only pray that it isn’t true. We quickly thank him and run of to Moriarty’s.

 

As we are running to the saloon, I ask Susie if she’s every been in the saloon.  “No, I’ve never been. Nico just said it was a bar where those who went to drown their sorrows.  But didn’t you say Nico after coming back from Point Lookout she spent a lot of time there?” “Yeah, she said she spent a lot of caps here.”  We open the door to the saloon, both of us are overwhelmed by the cigarette smoke. The man behind the bar immediately notices us. That must be what a  ghoul looks like. He notices me staring and beckons his head over. Susie and I walk over to the bar. The ghoul quickly looks over his shoulder before asking “you two gals friends of Nico?  I heard she’s been hanging out with a blonde haired woman.”

 

“Yes we are, do you know where she’s at?”  “Nova took her upstairs last evening. Nico came in looking out of it.  I’ve been covering for them, said Nova has some big spender who wanted her services.  My advice, get Nico out of here before Moriarty finds out. Those two don’t get along but Nico has always treated us well.”  I let out a sigh of relief, she’s here. “Thank you, Mr…” “Gob.” “Thank you Mr.Gob.” “Amata, let’s go.” “Wait, your Amata?”  "Nico, when she would drink herself stupid, use to go on and on about someone named Amata. Glad to see she found you. Now get her out of here.  When you knock on the door, tell Nova ‘Zap that thirst.’" I give him a smile before thanking him again. Susie and I both run the the stairs and knock on the door.  “I’m busy with a customer, come back later.” Susie knocks again and says “zap that thirst.” We hear the locks on the door unlocking. The door opens to reveal a girl who is older than us.  She quickly pulls us into the room.

 

Once in the room, we see Nico fast asleep on the bed, clutching a pillow to her chest.  Nova walks back to a chair where dogmeat is sitting next to and gives him a pat on the head.  “So you two must be the cavalry. Nico came in looking distressed so Gob and I tried to help. She’s always been good to us, slipping us tips whenever she could.  I dragged her up here before Moriarty saw her, thought she could use some rest but not before we talked a little. Which one of you is Amata? I take it that’s you, you haven’t looked away from her since you walked in.   She talked a lot about you. She really loves you, you know. Must be nice to have someone who cares about you as much as she does.” I move over to sit on the bed, gently moving Nico’s hair out of her face. For the first time, Nico seems to be sleeping peacefully.  

“ Thank you for taking care of her, especially since it seems that you and Gob are risking yourselves to do so.”  

“Like I said, she’s been good to us.  It’s the least we can do. Now before you get her the hell out of here, let me give you some advice Amata.  Trust me on this, I’ve heard the sad tales of so many people that I’ve lost count. Yeah, that concussion is playing tricks on her mind, but can’t blame it all on that.  You need to make sure you prove to her that you aren’t going to betray her trust. From what I can gather she wants to give herself to you, heart, mind, body, and soul but she has to know that she has a home with you before any of that can happen.  She’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop, probably thinks one day she’s gonna wake up to her being exiled again. You are gonna have to prove to her that you aren’t gonna leave her, understand?”

 

“I do, thank you Nova.”   

 

Susie chimes in, “We can pay you for...any lost wages.”  “Forget about it, just take care of her. That will be payment enough.  I’ll go downstairs to make sure Moriarty ain’t out of his office, when I give the all clear get her out of here.”  Nova goes down stairs, while Susie and I position Nico between us, each of us shouldering some of her weight. Dogmeat seems thrilled to see us again, tail wagging like crazy.  “Come on Dogmeat let’s get out of here” Susie says. We wait just outside the door, hearing Nova talking to someone. I pick up a strange accent, that must be Moriarty. I glance around the corner to see that Moriarty is facing the door, no chance for us to get out unseen.  Nova quickly grabs his arm and faces him towards the bar, I see her give a quick nod to the door. Now’s our chance, we are quickly down the stairs and moving to the door. Before leaving, I give a quick nod of thanks to both Gob and Nova and with that we are out the door.


	23. The Rangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth. They share it.”  
> -C.S. Lewis

We make it back to Nico’s house.  It was a bit difficult as Nico was essentially dead weight.  We put her in bed, both of us relieved to have found her. Things could have turned out much differently if she had decided to venture out into the wasteland.  After feeding ourselves, we settle down. Susie takes the spare bed while I take the bed with Nico. It’s nice to be able to fall asleep next to Nico, hopefully once Nico wakes up I can convince her to comeback.  I sleep better than I have the past several days knowing she’s safe.

 

Before we know it it’s already morning.  We are startled awake by a pounding on the front door.  Susie is by the door in an instant, gun at the ready.

“Hey vault dweller, open up.. You’ve got a special visit from Riley’s Rangers!” “Brick, settle down.  She may not even be home.” Susie holsters her gun, relieved that it isn’t serious. Nico told us a little about the Rangers and how close they had gotten to be.  She proudly proclaimed that she was a member of their group. Susie opens the door to reveal the members of Riley’s Rangers. “Hey you aren’t Nico, we got the wrong house or something?” says the one holding a minigun.  There are four members of the rangers, a woman who looks to be around 30 steps forward. “I’m sorry, we are looking for Nico’s house. We were told this was her house but perhaps we were given the wrong information. Could you point us in the right direction.”  

 

Susie answers “You have the right house, why don’t you guys come in.”  The rangers look wary about entering, no doubt thinking there may be a trap.  I try to put them at ease. “Nico is upstairs sleeping, not long ago she and Susie were attacked by a deathclaw.  She had been resting at the vault. I’m the overseer of Vault 101. Nico, Susie and I grew up together. She sustained a pretty bad concussion but she’s resting now.”  

“Oh no, we have a medic, Butcher.  He can take a look at her and see if there’s anything he can do.”   “That would be great actually, we were later going to try and get the Megaton doctor to take a look at her but we’ve heard that he’s not the friendliest guy.”  The rangers enter the house, I notice that they still seem prepared in case of an ambush. I try to ease the tension by introducing myself, “My name is Amata, like I said I’m the overseer of Vault 101.  This is Susie, she’s the vault trader. Nico was helping show Susie the wasteland when they ran into the deathclaw. Nico told us a little about you guys. Sounds like you guys are pretty badass.”

“Hell yeah we’re badass.  My name is Brick and this here is Eugene.”  She motions to her minigun. “My name is Riley, I’m the leader of the rangers.  This is Butcher, the team medic and this is Donovan. He’s the technical specialist.” Susie walks up to shake their hands, “Well it’s nice to meet you all.”   After we all shake hands Butcher speaks up, “If you show me the way to the room where Nico is at, I can asses her and see if I can do anything.”  

“Sure, right this way.”  We all head up the stairs, it’s a tight fit in Nico’s bedroom but we all fit.  The rangers all probably wanted to see that Nico was actually here. As we enter the room Dogmeat is standing guard, no doubt hearing the voices from downstairs.  Riley was the first ranger to enter, once Dogmeat sees her though he instantly relaxes letting out a happy bark. “Dogmeat! You lazy mut, how the hell you’ve been?” Brisk asks while roughing up Dogmeat’s fur.  Once all the ranger say hello to Dogmeat, Butcher starts looking over Nico’s wounds.” I gave him the run down of her injuries while he was petting Dogmeat. Riley seem at ease now that she’s seen Nico.

“Well I don’t know about you guys but we haven’t had breakfast yet.  Why Don’t I make us something.” I’m glad Susie suggested this, it’s getting a bit uncomfortable with everyone in this small room. Riley responds, “Thank you, we appreciate it.”  Donovan quickly adds “Why don’t I help you with that. I’m not a bad cook.” Riley and I both noticed how quickly he answered. “Brick, if you wouldn’t mind do you think you could take Dogmeat for a quick walk.  We haven’t had a chance to take him and I’m sure he would appreciate being outside for a bit.” “No problem! Come on you lazy pup, let’s cruise the town!” Dogmeat gives a playful growl no doubt resenting the implication that he’s lazy.  

Riley and I take a seat watching as Butcher checks over Nico.  We sit in silence until Butcher announces he’s done. “The injuries to her back are healing nicely.  I’m sure the concussion is what you’re worried about. I won’t be able to do a full neurological exam until she wakes up.”  

“Thank you Butcher.”

“No problem, Ma’am.

“Why don’t we go downstairs so Nico can rest” suggest Riley.  

We all head down and sit on the couch.  We can hear Susie and Donovan laughing from the Kitchen.  I notice how close Riley and Butcher are sitting together.  They must be a couple. “So...how did you guys meet Nico, she didn’t tell us about that.”  Riley takes a second before responding, “well like a lot of people Nico saved us. We were at the Statesman Hotel when we came under heavy fire from Super Mutants.  I was able to escape to get help. But I fell unconscious outside of Underworld. I don’t know how long I was in a coma but when I came to Nico and Dogmeat were there.  I told them about the rest of the rangers that were probably trapped at the hotel.. Nico took off and was able to get them out of there.” Butcher adds, “When she showed up we were in a pretty tight spot.  The super mutants were coming down on us pretty hard. We were low on ammo and pretty much making our last stand when she came in guns blazing. We all made it back to the ranger compound. After that, She’s done some work with us with geomapping.  She also helped Riley get back on her feet after everything that happened.” Before he can continue, Brick comes busting through the door, Dogmeat in tow. “Whew man I’m starving...Hey Donovan is the food ready yet?!” “Yeah, Yeah, it’s coming. You want it to taste good dotcha.”  A minute later Susie and Donovan come out with several plates. The food prepared is delicious.

The rest of the day is spent listening to many stories of the rangers.  Before you know it is late in the evening. We offer to let the rangers stay which they happily accept.  Nico is still fast asleep. I’ve checked on her throughout the day. We let them take the downstairs, and the spare bedroom while Susie, and I stay in Nico’s room.  After saying our good nights, we all head to bed excited to having made new friends.


	24. Talks Under the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Night air, good conversation, and a sky full of stars can heal almost any wound.”  
> \- Beau Taplin, Remedy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup readers, so I may have to change how often I update. Lately I've been working a lot more, so I don't have a lot of time to sit down and write. I have plenty of ideas of where I want to take this story and I don't want to write sub par chapters. Lately I've been feeling rushed to write so I can meet the deadline I set for myself but that means I don't have time to proofread and add to the chapters I already have. So I plan on updating on Sundays, since that is usually my day off. There may be surprise updates now and then. I hope you guys have been enjoying the story so far, I've enjoyed writing it. See you guys on Sundays.

Around 1 am, I hear the front door opening, I originally didn’t think much of it but there’s a nagging feeling in my stomach.  I get up, grabbing a small pistol and follow out the door. I find Riley sitting at a small table right outside of Nico’s house.  She notices me and waves me over. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.” I say. Riley gives me a smile and beckons me to sit down.  “Everything's alright. Sometimes I can’t sleep so I go outside and look at the stars if it’s a clear night.” “Stars?”

She nods her head up and I look, my breath catching “How beautiful! I’ve never seen such things.  I mean I’ve read about them of course but seeing them like this...wow.” “They are beautiful aren’t they.” We sit in silence for a while, admiring the stars. The silence is interrupted when Riley asks about Nico “Do you mind if I ask how Nico has been acting? I ask because when I was injured I was terrified of going back into the wasteland.  Nico helped by tagging along on some outings. Slowly I got my nerve back.”

I sigh, “Nico...her wounds have been healing but her head and her mind have been troubling her.  Our vault doctor thinks that there is a psychosomatic reasoning behind why she’s been acting the way she has.  She goes from being her normal self to being downright scary. Beatrice, our doctor, said that decisions she’s made and being back in the vault is causing her to question herself.  She’s worried about how the people in the vault or as our doctor how I’ll perceive her.” Riley stares at me for a moment before asking “You two seem pretty close. By any chance are you two…?”  I can’t help but blush at what she was implying. “Um...yes. We are together. At least we were, she left the vault the other day and when she left she reprogrammed the vault door to not open for 5 days.  She also left me a letter saying not to search for her but that she would always love me. Our technician was able to open the vault door before the 5th day and Susie and I came straight to Megaton hoping to pick up on her trail.  We found her, but by that time she was already fast asleep. She hasn’t woken up since we’ve had her back in her house. When she wakes up, I was hoping to convince her to comeback but I don’t know. If being back in the vault is causing her not to heal it may be better that she stay in megaton for the time being.  I’m just worried she’ll try to head out to the wasteland before she’s ready. I’ll guess I’ll just see how things go once she wakes up. I’m sure she won’t be happy to see that I followed her when she had said not to…”

She gives me a warm smile and pats my hand that’s on the table.  “I think she will be thrilled to see you, it’s obvious she loves you.  I figured you two were together when we were in the room and Butcher was examining Nico,  You were pretty much glaring at him the whole time.”

“Oh my, I didn't realize it, I’m sorry.”     

“Don’t apologize, If I saw someone doing that to Butcher, Donovan and Brick would have to hold me back.”  We both laugh about this. “About Nico, it sounds like your doctor is correct in her diagnosis. We can ask Butcher in the morning if he has any advice but it appears that it is something she has to deal with.”  “I think it is something we both have to deal with. I was very recently told that Nico doesn’t fully trust me. Probably waiting to be exiled from the vault again. I have to show her that she can trust me.”

Riley nods.  “It’s tough going from one level of a relationship to another.  Butcher and I have been dating for several years now but at first, things were very complicated.  Luckily we have gotten past that but there was a time when I didn’t think that we would. You both just have to be patient.”  

After awhile we both head in, the wasteland night’s are quite cold. We part with good nights.  By the time I get back to bed it is nearly 3:30am. Nico and Susie are still fast asleep. I take my place next to Nico on the bed.  I brush her hair away from her sleeping face and whisper, “We’ll get through this, I promise.”


	25. Right Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “More than anything, all I have ever wanted is to be close to someone.  
> More than anything, all I have ever wanted is to feel as if I wasn’t alone.”  
> — James Frey, A Million Little Pieces

I wake up next to Nico.  But to my surprise I wake up being the little spoon to her big spoon.  Being like this makes me want to stay in bed forever but I should get up and check on the rangers.  I slowly move out of her arms, Nico still fast asleep. From the way she's been sleeping you'd think she didn't sleep at all while she was at the vault. Maybe she didn't.  Perhaps she had nightmares that kept her up most nights.

The thought makes me wonder if that was another reason she wasn't healing from her concussion.  I brush my hand against her cheek which she leans her head into.  _ We'll get through this no matter what. _

I notice Susie isn't in her makeshift bed so she must be downstairs already. She and Donavon have been spending a decent amount of time together. He's following her around like a puppy.  I always had it in my that she'd end up with Butch if he ever came back but maybe not anymore now that she can travel the wasteland. By the time I get down stairs, breakfast is on the table.  "Morning sleeping beauty, I was gonna wake you up but you and Nico looked so cute all snuggled up that I thought I’ll just leave you be.". I playfully smack Susie's arm. "The food smells wonderful Susie." "Well I can't take all the credit, Donavon really is a decent cook. He may be able to give Freddie a run for his money."

 

We all sit down and have breakfast.  I've been curious as to what the rangers are doing this way.  From what Nico has told me they usually stay in the DC area. " If you don't mind me asking, what are you guys doing in this area? Did you travel all this way to see Nico?"

Riley answers "well we weren't planning to come out this way. But we ran across a caravan that was having some trouble with a pack of radscorpions.  They were out of Rivet City. Rookie guards. Poor guys were scared as can be. We took pity on them and decided to help them out. They were coming to Megaton so we thought why not see if Nico is home."  

 

We are almost done with breakfast when we all here Dogmeat barking from Nico’s room.   _ It must be Nico! _  I’m running up the stairs before I know it.  I hear Riley telling me to wait but it doesn’t register with me.  Before I reach the door I can hear Nico talking to Dogmeat. Just the sound of her voice sends my heart fluttering.  I burst through the door to see Nico scrambling on the bed, she reached into a small space I never noticed before and produces a 10mm pistol and points it in my direction.  We are both staring at each other, it feels like a lifetime before Riley, Susie, and the rangers reach the top of the stairs. Riley is standing in front of me in an instance, shielding me if necessary.  “Nico...it’s me, Riley. You’re probably startled to have us in your house but Amata and Susie let us in. Everything’s okay, you can put the gun down.  _ How stupid I was!  Of course Nico would be startled.  She would never expect to find us in her house.  God, I nearly got myself killed. _  Nico slowly lowers the gun, “Sorry I was just startled.”  Nico is staring straight at me, gaze never wavering. I can’t figure out what I see in her eyes, is she happy to see me?  “I was just asking Dogmeat if he was starving, and probably how badly he needed to pee but I guess you guys have been taking care of him.  Thanks.” 

 

Susie manages to make her way past the rangers and into the bedroom.  She picks up on how weird things are in the room. “Hey Nico, glad to see you up.  You must be starving. How about I whip you up some breakfast.” Nico smiles at Susie, “Yeah I’m starving, I do hope you’ve gotten better in kitchen.  Last time, you set the kitchen on fire.” “Okay, first of all it was a very small fire, which I had under control and secondly if your damn timer worked then it all could have been avoided!”  They both laugh at that, this helps to ease the weirdness that was in the room. Susie always seems to be able to do that. As Susie leaves, Donovan not far behind, Butcher chimes in, “Nico once you’re done with breakfast I’d like to do a quick neurological exam if that’s okay with you.  Amata and Susie told us about your run in with a deathclaw. While you were sleeping, I examined your back, those wounds are healing nicely.” “Yeah, that sounds good. I’d appreciate it. I avoid Doc Church when I can, even after all this time he still treats me like crap.” 

 

A silence envelops the room, which is broken by Brick in true Brick fashion. “Nico, I can’t believe you almost bought the farm to a deathclaw.  I don’t know how many times I gotta tell you , you need to get a weapon like Eugene. That sniper rifle ain’t good for close combat.” “Quit hating on my rifle, it suits my style.  Besides with how long the minigun takes to start up the Deathclaw would have turned me into its dinner.” “Okay, that’s it. Once your’re well, you and me are gonna find us some enemies and put the debate to rest.”  Riley smiles at me, enjoying the back and forth banter. I wonder if this is what Nico is like with the rest of her friends in the wasteland. This side of her reminds me of the competitions we would get into back in the vault.  “All right you two, why don’t we head downstairs so Nico can eat,” Riley suggests. 

 

Once we are downstairs we all spread out.  “Hey wait a minute, Nico where are your glasses, thought you needed those things?” Brick asks.  I’m surprised to hear this, when did she need glasses. Susie comes out of the kitchen with a plate for Nico, “I never saw you with glasses when we met up.”  Nico takes a bite of food, before answering. “Well when I woke up in the citadel after starting up the purifier, I couldn’t see that great, especially reading.  One of the docs there did an exam of my eyes and thinks the blast damaged them. She gave me some glasses which helped. Right before we met up Susie I lost them.  I didn’t have a backup pair and then we were so busy with traders and all that, I just didn’t have time to get another pair. I was actually on my way to Moira to see if she had any glasses when we met up.  None of the traders had any so once you got back to the vault I was gonna take a trip to the Citadel to get another pair but then the deathclaw got us.” 

I try to picture Nico in glasses, what I get is a more attractive Nico.  I hope no one notices the blush that is surely on my face. Nico is practically done with her breakfast, “Susie, this is really good.”  “Thanks, but I can’t take all the credit. Donavan is a really good cook.” “Give yourself some credit Susie, you’re a great cook.” Donovan says.  Susie blushes and playfully smacks his arm. Nico shoots Riley a look, an eyebrow going up. She’s no doubt picked up on how close those two are.. 

 

After Nico finishes her breakfast, Butcher suggests they head back up to the bedroom to due to the exam.  Susie and Donovan say they are gonna explore the town and stop by Moira’s to see if she has any glasses. Brick is gonna take Dogmeat out for a walk.  Since Nico has woken up she hasn’t said anything to me. She’s been joking around with Susie and the rangers but it’s like I’m not even here. I notice that Nico takes the stairs confidently, it probably won’t be long till she’s back out in the wasteland.  The thought scares me. 

 

Butcher goes about conducting the exam which seems to be going well. Of course I have no real medical experience so Riley and I sit and watch.  “Well from what I can see your concussion is healing well. I think those couple days of sleep did you well. But I’d like to see how you do in a more active environment.  I remember you saying there is a school nearby that is a hotspot for raiders. Perhaps, if you feel up to it, we can take a trip there tomorrow and see how you do.” “That’d be great actually.  No matter how many times I clear that place out more raiders always move in. Drives me crazy. I keep hoping to build a settlement there or an outpost.” Riley speaks up at the suggestion, “Well if that’s what the doctor is ordering them it’s fine with me.  Butcher how about you and I go find the others and let them know of our plans. I’m sure Brick is gonna be happy.” As they leave, Riley winks at me. She no doubt knew I wanted to talk to Nico but didn’t want to do it with them around. My admiration for the older woman grows. 

 

With the rangers gone, Nico and I are left alone.  She is avoiding my gaze. Now that we are alone, I can’t think of what to say.  Pretty much from the moment she woke up I had it all planned out but now I can’t even seem to put a sentence together.  I’m pulled out of my thoughts when Nico speaks, “Amata...what are you doing here. I told you not to follow me. I figured you’d send Susie to try and find me.  I didn’t plan to be here when she did but I was just so tired. I never thought you’d come yourself.” “I wasn’t going to let you leave like that. I love you too much.”  I move to sit next to her on the bed before continuing, “You idiot, when you left I was ready to spend the rest of my life searching for you.” 

“What about the vault?”

“The vault can function without me, I put officer Gomez as overseer in my absence.  I..Nico, I was planning on trying to convince you to come back to the vault but I was thinking last night that may not be good for you.  Not right now anyway. Can I ask, did you sleep much when you were in the vault? Nova said you were exhausted when she saw you.” “I knew I didn’t fall asleep in my bed.  When I woke up I thought that maybe I slept walked or something. “ I can tell she’s trying to avoid the question. “Nico, please answer me honestly. Did you sleep much in the vault?”  She sighs, “No, not really. Whenever I fell asleep I was bombarded with every decision I made and how you and the rest of the vault would see me. I’d lay awake and try to justify my actions.  Eventually, I would drift off to sleep but I would wake up even more exhausted than I was before. I never got a restful sleep.” While my heart is breaking that she had to justify herself to us.  I’m glad she answered me truefully. “Well since you don’t feel comfortable in the vault yet, and if it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay here with you until you are fully healed.” Nico is shocked by my proposal.  “Amata, what about the vault? You’re just gonna abandon them.” 

I run my hand through her messy hair.  “They’ll be fine. I want to make sure you are healed, if I didn’t I’d be worried sick about you.”  Nico still looks at me in disbelief. “You are choosing me...over the vault?” Her question fills in some blanks for me.  Twice I put the needs of the vault over her, first when I didn't go with her to search for her father, the second being far worse, when I exiled her from the vault she had saved.  I get it now. I take her face in my hands, her eyes hopeful. “I choose you. You will never know how sorry I am for choosing the vault over you. You’re not the only one who is haunted by her decisions.  But I promise you, I’m never letting you go again. If that means resigning as overseer and spending the rest of my life with you in Megaton or wherever we go than so be it. I love you Nico…” I had more to say but didn’t get the chance as Nico kisses me.  For the first time since she left the vault, I feel like I can breath again. We end up laying on the bed, Nico on top of me, 

 

I’m not sure how long we were kissing but we were so caught up in each other we didn’t hear the noise downstairs or the footsteps on the stairs, or the door opening.  “Hey guys Riley just told us….Every Freaking Time!!! Damn it Amata, put a sock on the door or something! At least you guys are decent but damn, spare me the horror of walking in on you guys!”  Susie slams the door heading back downstairs. Nico rolls off me, a smile on her face. “I really need to put a lock on that door.” We both giggle at that. I think we are finally going in the right direction.  


	26. Making Deals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m with you. No matter what else you have in your head I’m with you and I love you.”  
> — Ernest Hemingway, The Garden of Eden

We both head down to the living area where Susie and the rangers are sitting down.  Susie rolls her eyes at me but I can tell she’s happy for me. “Nico I hope you’re ready to lose tomorrow, I’m gonna take out way more raiders than you are.  I’m gonna show you what true fire power is.” Brick proclaims. “I’ll take out more raiders before Eugene even has a chance to start up!” Nico fires back in a playful manner.  “Alright children,” Riley says getting everyone's attention “Let’s go over the game plan for tomorrow. This outing is so Nico can get back out there and so Butcher can observe her.  These are probably low level raiders from what Nico has told me but as always we won’t overestimate the enemy.” 

 

After the meeting we all go down to the local eatery, the Brass Lantern, for lunch.  It seems hard to believe that a place like this can exist in the wasteland and that I’m experiencing it first hand.  I can’t believe for so long we were shut off from the rest of the world but no longer. After lunch we all head off in different directions, Susie and Donovan, Riley and Butcher, and Brick who is off to see if Moira has any 5mm bullets.

 

Nico, Dogmeat, and I walk around Megaton, Nico points out any interesting areas or people.  We meet Lucy West whose brother is a vampire or at least believes he is. I can’t believe how at ease Nico is here, no wonder she was anxious to leave the vault.  I can’t say I blame her, being able to have the sun on your back is an amazing feeling. Not only that but being in an open space, I may even feel claustrophobic returning to the vault.  

 

As evening starts to set, we walk hand in hand back to Nico’s house.  I can’t help but think what our lives would be like if I stayed here with Nico.  I haven’t told Susie yet of my decision to take a leave of absence from the vault.  I’m sure she will understand. I need to do this for us. I think with time Nico will feel more at ease in the vault but I can’t rush it.  I was serious when I said I would resign as overseer if I needed to. Nico is far more important to me than being overseer. Entering Nico’s house, Donovan and Susie are already preparing dinner.  The others are spread out on the couches. Dogmeat runs into the kitchen no doubt hoping for some fresh scraps. Dinner is delicious, combine that with the company of rangers and the night is filled with laughter.  After dinner, Riley, Butcher, and Brick clean their weapons. Susie and Donovan, however, have plans. Apparently they are going on a date. I’m not sure what will happen once Donovan and the rest of the rangers head back to D.C. but at the moment I’m sure they are happy to spend time with someone close in age.  Nico and I head up to the bedroom, Dogmeat in tow. Once there Nico starts cleaning her sniper rifle. She tells me a bit about her rifle, it’s a DAN .338 bolt action sniper rifle. I have no idea of what she is saying, but she seems happy. 

 

“Do you think there will be many raiders at the school,” I ask.  “The numbers vary, sometimes there are less than ten but sometimes there can be more.  I’ve been out of commission for a while so I’d guess the number is going to be on the higher side.  I promise to tell you about it when we get back.” “You won’t have to tell me about it, I’m going with you guys tomorrow.”  Nico looks at me alarmed. “What?! No you aren’t , it’s going to be way too dangerous.” “I know that, but I’d like to see what you do out here.”  “Amata, have you ever even fired a gun? There are going to be people shooting and trying to kill us. If the rangers were here I wouldn’t be doing this without backup.”

 

While it’s true that I’ve never fired a gun I still wanted to see what everyday life was like in the wasteland.  “So I’m supposed to wait here and twiddle my thumbs, no that’s not going to happen. When you first entered the wasteland all the practice you had shooting anything was with a BB gun.  You learned pretty quickly how to use a gun, whose to say I won’t pick it up just as fast.” “Amata, I really don’t want you coming with us tomorrow.” “Why? Susie is going. Yes she has more experience than I do with a gun but not that much more.  Do you not want me to see what you do out here? I promise you I’m not going to be judging you, I know the moral out here aren’t black and white like they are in the vault. You live in a gray area.” “That’s not why I don’t want you coming with us.”  “Then explain it to me. I want a legitimate reason, other than having no experience shooting at a living person. Wouldn’t learning from the Rangers be best?” 

 

She gets up from her seat, running her hands through her hair in frustration.  She goes to say something but stops herself. “No don’t do that, whatever it is you want to say, say it.”  She rushes forward kissing me fiercely. I can’t help but get lost in her kiss. 

 

After a moment she pulls back, “Amata” she picks up my hands and looks at my palms, “I don’t want you to have to kill anyone, your hands are so beautiful.  Don’t taint them with blood. My hands are dripping in blood, your’s are clean. They should stay that way. I don’t want you to have to bare that burden of having to take a life.  Even if it is the life of someone who won’t hesitate to kill someone else. Once you take a life it changes you. Susie told me that she volunteered to be the vault trader, she knew that she may have to make difficult decision.  But she still had trouble coming to terms with it. If you are there I won’t be able to focus on the task at hand. I can’t bare to lose you Amata...please.”  _ Okay, that’s a good reason.   _ I kiss her, pulling her as close to me as I can.  We literally fall into bed. Nico settling on top of me.  We part long enough for me to take off my mother’s necklace and put it on Nico.  “Here, since I won’t be there with you at least a part of me will. You make sure you come back to me all right?”  She touches the charm on the necklace before kissing me again. “I promise, I’ll come back. And when I do, if you really want to learn, I’ll teach you how to shoot. Okay?”  I nod before bring her lips back to mine. We spend several more minutes kissing before we stop, after all we don’t want to traumatize poor Susie. 

 

“Well since I won’t be going I think I’ll visit Moira tomorrow, I’d like to talk to her about establishing some sort of trade partnership since she is the closest and most steady trader to the vault.”  We enjoy the time we have together before Susie comes in. She bursts through the door on cloud nine, “I think I’m in love! Donovan is so smart and cute.” Nico laughs, amused by Susie’s dramatics. “I take it you date went well?”  “It was amazing!” Susie hops onto Nico’s bed. The rest of the night is spent gossiping as Nico and Susie clean their weapons. AS we all settle down for bed, I can only pray that everything goes smoothly. 


	27. Ties That Bind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sometimes, people hide not the scariest or the ugliest of them, but the most beautiful and the most gentle.”   
> \- Unknown

Nico, Susie, and the Rangers all headed out this morning after breakfast.  They said it should only take a few hours until they are back. Nico was excited to get back to the wasteland and of course the presence of the rangers helped as well.  While they are gone, I head over to the Crater Supply Shop to talk to Moira. My plan is to set up a deal so the vault will have access to the parts it needs. Stanley wants to start overhauling some of the machinery especially the air and water purifiers, to do that we are gonna need a lot of parts that we don’t have.   Opening the shop door, I am once again greeted with smoke. I can hear Moira but don’t see her. “Would you mind leaving that door open, it’ll help get this smoke out of here. Oh, you’re Susie's friend! Did you find Nico? Are you feeling better?” The series of questions makes me smile. I can see how Susie and Moira get along so well.  Together they must drive Nico crazy. “We did find Nico, she’s out with Susie and some friends. I’m feeling better, thank you again for helping me. I was under a lot of stress and being out of the vault for the first time didn’t help things. If you have time, I’d like to discuss something with you. I didn’t get a chance to really introduce myself the last time we met.  My name is Amata, and I’m the overseer of Vault 101...

The business meeting goes very well.  Moira agrees to hold any items that may be useful for the vault, in return Susie and by association Nico will be on the lookout for any strange items Moira would like.  I may have also signed both up for Moira’s next book, hopefully that goes over well. I stop by the house, but the others haven’t returned. So I decide to explore more of Megaton, I run into Lucas Simms at the Brass Lantern.  He invites me to sit and talk for awhile. 

“I was glad to hear that Nico is doing better and that she hadn’t fallen off the wagon.  That girl has done a lot for this town.” Simms says, a smile on his face. “You know I never would have thought when she came here looking for her father that she’d have such an effect on Megaton.  You know she was the one who disarmed the bomb, put a lot of people’s minds at ease. She fixed the water problem not long after she got here as well.” I’m not surprised to hear all of this. Nico has always had a soft heart, willing to help others out.  She doesn't think that she’s made a difference but she has. Simms continues, “She also told me about Tenpenny. I would have never thought something like that could happen. We are all trying to survive out here, yet this bastard wanted to kill us all because our town was blocking his view. I swear if Nico hadn’t taken care of him, I would have put a bullet in him myself.  From what I can tell, you and Susie care about her alot.” 

I nod before saying “We both do.  I can’t imagine what life in the vault would be like if she hadn’t come back.”  Simms gets up from his chair to continue his patrol but puts a hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze.   “Take good care of that girl. She’s more fragile than she realizes, she never rests long. She’ll die young if she keeps up this pace.”  

“I won’t let that happen.”

“Good, with a girl like you around I have a feeling Nico might actually stop running from what she thinks is chasing her.  Well I best be on my way but don’t be a stranger.” 

I wave goodbye to him before heading back to see if the others have returned.  To my dismay they have not. If I don’t keep myself occupied I’m going to go running down to that school so I decide to head to the saloon.  Gob and Nova helped Nico out so I’ll see how they are doing. I walk into the saloon to hear that strange accent again. Standing next to Gob was tall, gray haired man.  When I walk in, he stops yelling at Gob to address me, “well,well, here’s a lass I’ve never seen before.” Already my skin is crawling. I can see why Nico and this man don’t get along.  “What can I get ya?”    
“I actually would like to see Nova if she’s available.”  Moriarty looks me up and down, “She’s available, first bedroom upstairs.”  I can feel his eyes on me as I head up the stairs. I knock on the door before entering to find Nova putting on makeup.  “Darling, if you’re looking for Nico I’m afraid she ain’t here. But I doubt if you two talked and I mean really talked, she’d have no reason to run.”  She motions for me to sit down. 

“She woke up yesterday morning, and we finally got a chance to talk.  I think things will be much better between us. I’m putting her over the vault.”  “I’m glad to hear it. You’re lucky to have such a special place in her heart. Not many people are so lucky in this world.  Not that I don’t appreciate the company but what are you doing here? I doubt you are here for my services.” 

I blush at the implications which she laughs at “or maybe you came by for some tips and tricks in the bedroom.”  

This statement only makes me blush harder.  “I’m just joking. Not often I get to joke around with someone.  Nico is pretty much the only one I can joke with.” "Actually I wanted to come by to thank you again.  Not just for taking care of Nico but for your advice as well. I wanted to thank Gob as well but a man I’m assuming is Moriarty was yelling at him.”  “Bastard Moriarty, stay away from him, he’s bad news.” “I plan to, the way he looks at me makes my skin crawl.” “If I were you, I’d leave and wouldn’t come back unless it's with Nico.  Moriarty has a charm about him, one minute you’re talking to him and the next you’re having to work for the bastard. I’ll pass on your thanks to Gob, but get out of here while you can.” I wanted to stay and talk to her a bit longer but it’s best that I leave.  As I walk down the stairs and leave, I can feel Moriarty’s eyes on me. 

Nico and the others must be back as it’s already mid afternoon.  I get back to Nico’s house find it empty.  _ I’m sure everything is fine.  _ I decide to occupy my time with making some food for when they get back.  About 30 minutes later, the front door swings open, Donovan and Butcher are the first ones in.  Riley comes in next followed by Susie whose got an arm around Nico. “I told you Susie, I’m fine.  I just got a little dizzy that’s all.” Susie guides her over to the sofa. I rush over to her side, “What happened?”  Nico wraps an arm around me. 

“I’m fine, I just got a little dizzy.  Butcher looked me over and said it would pass, Susie is just being a little overprotected.”  Riley takes a seat across from us. “She did well, Butcher why don't’ you tell Amata your diagnosis.”  Butcher sits down next to Riley, he has some of the snacks I made in his hand. 

“Well like Riley said, she did well.  Really well actually. I’d say she’s about 80% healed.  What made her dizzy was one of the raiders threw a grenade, the sound aggravated her concussion.  I think if she rests for another week she should be good to go.” Nico smiles at me, “So if you think you can put up with me for a week, I think I’ll stay here.  The rangers were gonna head down south with a water caravan. I think the route they are taking goes by Andale and a few others places.” Susie, hands full of snacks, “actually I was thinking about going with the rangers if that’s okay?”  From the corner of my eyes I can see Donovan look excitedly at Riley. “I’ve got no problem with that, it would be good for Susie to get more experience in the wasteland.” Riley says. 

I can’t help but think that this means Nico and I will be alone for a while, I wonder what we will do to pass the time…. 

 


	28. Two Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I like how sleeping next to someone means more than sex sometimes, the body’s way of saying ‘I trust you to be by my side at my most vulnerable time,’ you have no defenses when you are asleep, you tell no lies.” -  
> Eric Shaw

The Rangers, Susie, and Dogmeat leave before dawn with the water caravan.  Nico wanted Dogmeat to go with Susie. “Take care of Susie for me all right Buddy?  Make sure she comes back in one piece.” Dogmeat seemed happy to be back on the road.  With everyone gone, we head back inside Megaton. I can tell Nico really wanted to go with them but if she doesn’t heal she won’t be able to.  Once we are back in Nico’s house, I take the opportunity to ask Nico to teach me how to shoot.

 

“Nico, do you think today you can teach me how to shoot?  I really think it’s important for me to be able to take care of myself without having to rely on you or Susie.  Now I know you would probably prefer me not to go out into the wasteland but I’m here so it’s best that I prepare for any scenario.”  Nico smiles at me before laughing “You know you could have just said ‘I want to learn to shoot’ and I would have said ‘Great, let’s go.’  I did promise to teach you.” I huff, but she gets up walking towards me and kisses me. She leans her head against mine, “Of course, I’ll teach you how to shoot.  I want you to be able to defend yourself.” This time I lean up and capture her lips, my hands beginning to wander. After several minutes we break apart, both of us blushing and out of breath.  Nico clears her throat, “we should get going, I’ll grab some weapons then we can head out. We won’t go far, right outside Megaton should be good. I’m sure we can find a stray radscorpion or two.”  Nico grabs the guns we need and we head out.

 

The guns are a 10mm pistol, 10mm machine gun, and Nico’s sniper rifle.  “Okay, before we start why don’t you tell me what you know. That way I know how much we need to cover.”  I go over what Susie and Officer Gomez went over with me. “That’s good, you know where everything is at now we just need to put it in action.”  After spending a good amount of time with both the 10mm pistol and the 10mm machine gun, we move onto Nico’s sniper rifle. I have to say I am much more intimidated by this gun than the others.  

 

Nico shows me how the scope works.  We spot a radscorpion far off in the distance, Nico tells me to shoot it.  I bring the scope to my eye and make the adjustments for wind that Nico showed me.  After a few stray shots I finally hit it, unfortunately it wasn’t a kill shot and the radscorpion is aware of our position.  It starts coming towards us in a hurry. Nico tells me to relax and try again but she has the 10mm machine gun at the ready. Having an enemy come charging at me is something  I’ve never experienced before. I try to get over the panic and focus enough to try and hit a moving target but I miss several times. Nico gets behind me so she could guide my hands and see through the scope.  She whispers in my ear, “Take a deep breath, you’re doing fine.” She moves from behind me to stand by my side. I take a deep breath and fire again, the first shot misses but the others are on target. Finally, I bring down the scorp.

“I knew you could do it, you just had to focus on what you were doing and not on the panic of an enemy rushing at you.”  I lower the gun, put the safety on and hand it to Nico. We head over to the scorp to get anything it may carry. As we are walking back to Megaton, Nico notices how my hands haven’t stopped shaking.  She pulls me into a hug, “Hey you did great back there, I know it must have been scary.” She kisses my forehead and keeps an arm around my shoulders for the rest of the walk. By the time we get to Nico’s house it is already early evening.  “Why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll start dinner for us. That way you can relax for a bit.” she suggests. “That sounds great” I say before heading upstairs to take a shower.

 

The water feels amazing on my skin.   _I wonder if Nico ever felt that panic after she left the vault. She didn't have anyone watching her back after she left, she was alone._ I can smell something cooking so I finish up and go back downstairs.  “Something smells good.” She looks at me from her place near the stove, “Thanks, I may not be as good of a cook as Freddie or Donovan but I think I’m somewhat decent.”  “Can I do anything to help, do you want to take a shower while I finish up here?” “That sounds like a good idea, it’s almost done just check on it every once in a while. I don’t have to worry about you burning down the kitchen I am?”  I laugh “I promise I’ll check on it. Did Susie really almost burn down your kitchen?” “Yeah, she did. She blames the timer but she was too busy playing with Dogmeat.” We both laugh, she heads up to take a shower while I stay close to the kitchen.  Her home is nice, I can’t help but notice how it somewhat resembles the vault. I go about setting the table for us. It's not long before the timer goes off and I take the food off the heat. Nico comes downstairs looking refreshed. We sit and eat, enjoying our time together.  “Is there anything you’d like to do around here? I promise I plan on resting but is there anything in Megaton you think the vault could use?”

 

“I’m not sure, we can walk around and see.  I’d also like to see if we can contact the vault.  I’m sure Gomez would like an update.” We finish up, I suggest Nico take it easy while I do the dishes.  I’m almost done with the dishes when I feel her come up behind me. She moves the hair covering my neck and kisses my neck.  I almost drop the plate in my hand when she does this. I fight the urge to turn around instead focusing on the task at hand. Only after I finished the dishes do I turn around, push her against the refrigerator and kiss her hard.   

 

We aren’t kissing for long before I remember that Moira had a few pairs of glasses she had gotten yesterday.  I push her away, reluctantly, to say "When I had my meeting with Moira, she had just gotten in some glasses, I asked her to hold them for you.  I'm actually really curious to see what you look like in glasses."  Of course, she can't help but tease me over this.  "Really now?  Have you've been picturing me in glasses?"  She laughs as I blush. 

We head over to see if they were the right strength for Nico. Out of the several pairs, one does help. “Oh Nico, I’m so happy to be working together again.  I have a feeling the second book will be even better than the first.” Moira say excitedly. Nico looks at me confused. I smile sheepishly back at Nico, “Oh yeah, that deal I made with Moira, you and Susie are gonna be working with her on her new book.  A follow up to the _Wasteland Survival Guide._ ”  Nico takes a moment before answering “Well...I’m sure the next book will be even better now that you’ll have two test subjects.”  “There’s the spirit. I have so many new ideas, I’m still working on a few so we won’t be starting right away but probably sometime next month.”  We stat at Moira for a while as she goes over some the ideas that she's been working on.  Eventually we leave, saying goodbye to a very excited Moira. 

 

Before we head back to Nico's place, we go for a walk to see the stars.    As we walk, I apologize for making the deal without talking with her or Susie first. “It’s okay, I’m actually excited to be working with Moira again.  I learned so much when we were doing research for the first book. This would also benefit Susie a lot.  Moira was the first person I considered a friend.  Her friendship really helped me when I first got out here.  I honestly don't know if I would have survived with out some of the things she taught me.” The whole time we walk as close to each other as possible. The stars are beautiful, stunning. But not as stunning as Nico. That may seem clichéd but she's been so different since she has woken up.  I think we can build a life together out here. And maybe with time we can go back to the vault but I'm happy here.   "Hey, I've got an idea, let's go back to the house.  There's a beautiful spot not far from Megaton.  The light pollution from the town doesn't reach there.  It's perfect for seeing the stars."  I'm a little nervous to be traveling outside of Megaton and into the wasteland after dark, but I know Nico is use to it.  We grab a few weapons and head out.  Nico explains that after a while, your eyes get use to the dark and it makes the night time not as scary. 

To my surprise, we are heading in the direction of the vault.  We are actually heading directly to the vault.  We go up the road the leads the vault, and climb up the wall to sit over the doorway.  "I come here pretty often, especially when I would get home sick.  I could never bring myself to go through the door, but just standing over it brought me some peace.  I found out one night that it's the perfect spot for stargazing."  We let our legs dangle over the side as we lay on the ground.  _I can't believe there were so many times that she was right above me, sitting here._ "I'm so sorry Nico." I say without realizing it.  She turns on her side, her face showing confusion.  "For what?"  I bring my hand to her face which she leans into.  "For being weak.  I wish I could be as strong as you are."  I didn't realize I was crying until Nico brushed away my tears.  "Hey, you've never been weak.  I actually owe you my life.  Remember, you were the one who warned me about your father.  If it weren't for you, I may not have been able to get away.  You are so strong Amata, you stayed to help the vault, after your father stepped down you took up leadership of the vault.  If it wasn't for you, who knows what would have become of the vault.  I know you still blame yourself for exiling me, don't.  I don't want you to keep feeling like you have to apology to me.  I forgive you, if you can forgive me.  I know I've hurt you too.  How about from this moment, we agree to let go of all the hurt and just begin again."  Her words only make the tears fall more, "Yes, I'd like that."  I move forward to kiss her, and she meets me half way.  Remembering where we are at we don't kiss long.   

We head back to the house before it gets too cold.  After today's shooting practice Nico is tired so we both head up to bed. I've already changed into my night wear when Nico comes up behind me. She moves my loose hair and kisses my neck just like before. She continues to kiss my neck, I can't help the moan that escapes my lips.  I turn around and bring our lips together in a bruising kiss. Her hands are pulling my hips closer to hers while my hands are unbuttoning her shirt. I move us over to the bed, before we both fall into the bed. She pushes her hips into mine, I break our kiss to voice my pleasure.  She goes about kissing my neck, all the while her hips continue their movement. She moves her kisses up to my ear which makes me moan even harder, my hips coming up to meet hers.  I kiss her lips, making sure to leave my fair share of love marks on her neck. I finally got her shirt off and start on her bra.  “Amata, you are so beautiful…” I bring our lips back together but to my dismay she stops her movements and pulls back. “Amata...we don’t have to do anything, we can... just go to bed.  I don’t want to pressure you into anything.” I let out a small laugh, if it was up to me I would have jumped her the moment she woke up in the vault. I run my hands through her short hair.

 

“Nico...make love to me.”  

 


	29. A New Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We made love and then made love again and then after we had made love once more, quiet and dark and unspeaking and unthinking and then like a shower of meteors on a cold night, we went to sleep.” - — Ernest Hemingway, True At First Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't write smut. I tried, and I tried, and I just can't do it. I've read hundreds, maybe into the thousands of smut fics, but writing it is a different story. So use your filthy imaginations to fill in the blanks.

I slowly come to, my body aches but I don’t mind.   Last night was truly amazing. Nico had kissed her way down my body, my neck, chest, navel...continuing down. Her hands, rough and calloused, were so gentle and me brought me pleasure I can’t even begin to describe.   She made me see the stars I love so much. After regaining my breath, I took control, flipping us over. I kissed every scar I could find on her body, there were more than I thought possible but that is what life in the wasteland will do to one’s body.  Even though I was nervous, the sounds Nico made let me know I was on the right track. Flashbacks from last night’s “activities” bring a smile to my face. My eyes still closed I reach out for Nico but keep reaching, opening my eyes, I find her spot on the bed missing.  

 

My heart races in panic.   _She probably just stepped out for a moment, everything is fine Amata.  We are fine._

 

I hastily jump out of bed and try to find my clothes.  I failed to notice some of Nico’s clothes are strewn around the room.  I try to keep telling myself that everything is fine but the fear is still there.   _Did we go to fast?  She was the one that asked if I was okay with us moving forward. I didn’t even think to ask her if us moving forward was okay with her.  God, Amata, what were you thinking._ Okay, I wasn’t exactly thinking with my head last night, but still everything seemed so perfect.   

 

In my panic I don’t hear the stairs creak or the door open.  “Hey..leaving so soon?” I whip my head around to see Nico standing in the doorway, dressed in loose pajama bottoms and a oversized shirt, a  tray of food in her hands. I can see that she notices the state of panic I’m in. “Amata, is everything okay?” She says as she puts the tray down and steps towards me.  “I...I just thought...I woke up and you weren’t here…” The realization dawns on Nico. “Oh, you thought I had left.” I nod my head, a few tears escaping from my eyes. She grabs my hand and leads me back to the bed where we sit.  “I’m so sorry Amata, I never meant to cause you more pain. I was hoping after last night’s conversation that we could move forward but it seems like there are still some things we need to work on. I know it’s going to be a while before you can trust that I won’t leave.  But I will prove it to you, I promise.” She kisses my forehead as I find safety in the crook of her neck. _I hate thinking that Nico will leave but I can’t help it.  The thought terrifies me._

 

We sit in silence for a while until she speaks, “I actually wanted to talk to about something.  I know you said you’d give up being the overseer for me but is that what you really want? I mean I love that you would do that for me but I want you to be happy too.”  

“I am happy, I can live without the stress of running the vault, with having people come to me with their petty disagreements.  As long as I’m by your side, I’ll be happy.”

“and I’ll be happy with you by my side as well, but...the vault.  It’s where we grew up. I know the vault has come between us before but I think we are strong enough now that you don’t have to choose.  Yes, it’s going to take some time before I’m fully comfortable there again but I know I will be. It might be easier than I thought, with helping Susie set up trade connections, and the both of us helping Moira with her new book, we will both be out of the vault for most of the time.”  

_That’s true, Susie and Nico will be doing a lot of traveling._

“Of course, I don’t plan to stay away from long periods of time, I have to see you of course.”  She says before kissing me. I chuckle before kissing her as well. “Maybe Officer Gomez and I can work something out.  He agreed to be overseer in my absence, and I’d like to move him up to be vice-overseer if he is willing. We talked about it briefly before Susie and I left.  Maybe we can set up schedule so that when you come back from your travels, we can come here and spend some time together.”

“Oh, and what would we be doing during this time together?”  She says this, a smile on her face as she gently leads me to lay down.  I wrap my hands around her neck, “I’m sure we can think of something.” She smiles before kissing me, the passion from last night re-emerging.  She goes about kissing my neck before saying “Officer Taylor won’t be happy to see me back in the vault after he told me to leave but maybe we can sit down and talk.”   

_Wait, what?_

I push her up so I can look at her.  “What do you mean he told you leave, when did this happen?”  She sits up a bit, using her arm to hover above me. “Well… it was actually Taylor who undid my handcuffs that night.  I didn’t have a bobby pin on me to pick the lock. He had come in to see Beatrice cause he had been having a coughing fit or something like that.  Anyways, he heard me trying to get out of my restraints. I had woken up in a panic. I don’t know where Gomez was, I thought he had been keeping on eye on me but he may have gone to get coffee or something.  Taylor came to my bedside and started saying how I would only bring more pain to the vault if I stayed. I told him that I never meant to cause pain, and I’m sure my father didn’t either. But he’s still so angry over the death of his wife that it clouds his mind.  He started saying how he could tell that you and I cared for each other, and that was why your father disliked me so much.  Apparently everyone could see that we had something special.  He told me to think about your life and what it would be like if I stayed, you'd be constantly worried about me and unable to do your job as overseer.  I thought back to when I was at Point Lookout, seeing you dead in the water like that. It scared me, he was saying everything right, feeding the fear that I have.  I asked him to get me out of the restraints and that if he did I’d leave. He told me he would and told me that if I cared for you and the people of the vault I would never comeback. I know when I go back to the vault that he and I are going to either settle our differences or avoid one another.”

“I’ll talk to him…”

“No, his problem is with me.  He’s still so angry over the death of his wife,  I can’t blame him, they were married for so long.  That’s a hard thing to get over.”

 

We sit in silence, everything Nico has said put a damper on the mood.  I break the silence, “I’m sorry I panicked when I thought you left, I’m going to try and not panic whenever I can’t find you.”  “You don’t have to apologize Amata, I mean, I did leave and lock you guys in the vault.” We both laugh a little. “Props to Stanley for getting the vault door open so quickly.  I’m impressed. But I promise you Amata, I’m done running. I want a life together with you, that is if you’ll have me.” I kiss her lips, “You dummy, if last night wasn’t a good enough answer for you then I don’t know what I’ll have to do to convince you.  You are all I need.” Nico blushes at the mention of last night. The passion slowly coming back. I continue, “We can work something out regarding the vault, Megaton isn’t far from the vault to begin with, hell we could even commute there if we wanted to when you come back from traveling with Susie. I do hope you don’t plan on being away for long periods of time.”  She chuckles, “Don’t worry, I don’t plan on being away for more than a few days at a time. Like I said, I’m done with running, before I would stay gone for weeks at a time because I didn’t like being so close to the vault but now nothing can keep me away.”

“Good, now speaking of last night…” I say, wrapping my arms back around Nico’s neck, “Last night was perfect.  I wouldn't mind a repeat performance if you feel up to it.” Nico blushes but eagerly kisses my lips as she settles on top of me.  Our bodies fit together as if they were made for each other. Both of our hands wander. Nico and I both strip of what little clothing we had on.  Nico kisses towards my ear when I hear “Amata...will you marry me?” I snap my head to look at her, “What did you say?!”

“Uh… I asked if you’d marry me?  I...uh…” Nico pulls back, stuttering, “I mean... you don’t have to, I...We’ve only been officially dating for like a month and I know I have a lot of things to work through but Amata, I love you so much.  I know in my heart we belong together. I’m not asking you to prove that I won’t run, I meant it when I said that I won’t run anymore.” She moves to the bedside table and pulls out a ring. “This was my mother’s ring, when I finally found my dad we walked to Rivet City and along the way he gave me my mother’s wedding ring.  I had planned to ask you while we were walking under the stars sometime in the future, but this moment...just seems right. Amata, will you marry me?”

 

Tears spring from my eyes, “Of course I’ll marry you!  Did you really think I would say no.” Both of us have tears in our eyes.  Nico slips the ring on my finger, it’s simple but beautiful. “It’s a little big but I’m sure I can find a way to size it.”  “It’s beautiful,” I say before clasping her face in my hands. “I love you Nico, I’ve loved you my whole life. I can’t wait till we are married.”  We kiss, until I break away to say, “Oh my God, Susie is going to be so happy.” Nico laughs before saying, “Agreed, but no more talking.”


	30. Going Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> True intimacy is more than fooling around with somebody you’re attracted to.  
> I want to share myself with somebody who will press her hands through the surface of my skin, curl herself up inside my soul and say, Here, this is who I am. - Beau Taplin

We finally get out of bed to take a shower. To help conserve water we take one together.  Although I don't think much water was conserved after my hands started to roam over Nico's body.  We have lunch together before we try and contact the vault. We walk down to the Brass Lantern for lunch, I think I'm starting to get use to the Wasteland cuisine. Jenny Stahl is always pleasant to talk to. I have to say that I've enjoyed staying here in Megaton.  Harden Simms comes running up to us to ask Nico where Dogmeat has been, she tells me later that sometimes Harden will take Dogmeat for a walk or to play with whenever they are in town.

 We spend lunch talking about about some of the other places Nico has been too. She tells me about a place far up north called the Oasis and a talking tree.  I'm convinced she's pulling my leg but promises to take me up there. It seems as if Nico is getting more comfortable with the thought of me going out into the wasteland. I'm sure once I become a better shot that will help. After lunch we head back to the house and try and contact the vault. After a few tries Stanley answers. Before we contacted Stanley, Nico warned that it be best if we didn't say anything to revealing about the vault as the radio airwaves could be tapped into by forces we wouldn't want locating the vault.

"Stanley... Come in Stanley.  This is Amata.". We hear static but after a while we here Stanley's voice on the other side. "Amata?  Is that you? Good to hear your voice.” “It’s good to hear your voice as well Stanley. Nico and I are planning on coming by today if you could let Gomez know.  We should be there in less than an hour. We have some parts for you.” “That’s great! Yeah, I’ll let Gomez know. See you soon.”

“Well I’m glad Stanley has never been much of a talker.  We should gather what we need and head over.” Nico says.  We fill up two backpacks worth of equipment for the vault.  On the way to the vault, Nico contemplates getting a Brahim for the vault to assist with trading. “It’ll be hard for just Susie and I to bring stuff over. The problem is where would we put a Brahim in the vault.  We could leave it in the tunnel. That’s the only place I could think of. I doubt we would want to walk back to Megaton once we got back from trading. It’s something to consider.” The Brahmin would be a valuable commodity.  We would have to prepare a place for it first before getting one.

 It’s not long before we are back at the vault.  Nico seems to hesitate before putting in the vault password.  “Hey...it’s okay.” I say, “Do you want to take a minute?” “Yeah, sorry.  I just...I don’t know. I just feel a little bit of panic.” I move us over to sit on a rock.  I take Nico’s hand in mine, trying to provide some comfort. “Hey, I promise we won’t stay long okay?  I’ll talk to Gomez, you can take the parts down to Stanley then we will leave. Okay?” Nico nodes her head, before looking at me.  “You really are amazing, you know that?” I can’t help but blush a little. “You are just as amazing.” After a moment longer we are ready to head in.  I put in the password which activates the steel door.

 

Officer Gomez is there waiting for us at the entrance.  He greets us with a warm smile, “Hey you two, welcome back.”  Nico shakes his hand. “Thanks, um...I just wanted to apologize for the trouble I caused while I was here.”  Gomez puts a hand on Nico’s shoulder. “There’s nothing to apologize for. If anything you showed some of the flaws in our security.  That’s something I wanted to talk to Amata about now that you are back.”

I give Nico’s hand a squeeze before letting go to give her the backpack I’m carrying.  “You gonna be okay?” I ask. Nico gives me a small smile, “I’ll be fine, just come get me whenever you’re ready.”  

With that we separate as I accompany Gomez to the overseer office.  I glance back to see Nico going down the stairs. _I’m sure everything will be fine._  Once in the office, Gomez insists I sit in the overseer’s chair. “Boy, am I glad you are back. In the past couple of days, my respect for you has grown.  Not that I didn’t have a huge amount of respect for you beforehand. I don’t know how you handle this job.” I can’t help the small laugh that escapes. “Trouble?”  “Not so much trouble, just constant people coming in ‘what do I do about this? What do I do about that? Driving me nuts.” “Once you get the hang of it, it’s not that hard.”  

 

Gomez gives me an update on what has been going on.  I see requests by Stanley and Beatrice, one for parts and one for medicine.  I have to remember to get Beatrice the stimpaks we brought. “Well it seems the vault is running smoothly, I can’t thank you enough for that Officer Gomez.” “ At times I wasn't sure if it was, but we made it through.  So...how’s Nico doing?”

“She’s doing better, Susie and I found her in Megaton, the nearby settlement.  Thank God, she was too exhausted to leave before we got there. That’s something I wanted to talk to you about.  Nico still isn’t comfortable being in the vault. She was getting anxious just standing outside the door. So I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind being in charge for a little longer.  I’ll come around to help you out of course. But I’d like to be with Nico, to help her get better.”

 

“Of course, I’ll do whatever I can to help.  I’m glad you are happy with Nico and I’m glad you are actually living your life.  You are too young to be stuck in this office.”

“Thank you Officer Gomez.  I don’t know what I would do without you.  I’m hopeful that with time Nico will start to feel more comfortable back here.  I’m sure she will, it will just take time.”

“By the way, where is Susie?  Figured she’d be with you two.”

I proceed to tell Gomez all about the Rangers.

“Well I’ll be, I always thought Susie would end up with Butch but I guess he has some competition now.  Good for her.”

“I thought the same thing.”

“Maybe you can keep an eye out for a nice girl for Freddie.  It would be nice to get some new blood in here.”

I chuckle a bit.  I can't help but think back to when we were all kids, we all wanted to date Freddie.  “I’ll keep an eye out, I better go check up on Nico.”

I move to get up, “Amata, I hope you don’t mind me asking but...what’s that on your hand?”  I look down at the engagement ring.

“Oh, well...Nico asked me to marry her and I said yes.”

“Congratulations!”  Gomez says as he gives me a hug.  I can’t help but think of Gomez as a father figure.  My father was always so cold, it wasn’t until he gave up the overseer position that he actually began to be a father to me.  But it was hard to overlook what he had done to Jonas and what he was willing to do to me. “Thank you, but do me a favor and don’t say anything to Susie when you see her.  If she finds out she wasn’t the first to know she’d probably kill me.”

Gomez laughs, “Of course, I won’t say a word.”  As we head do to the reactor room, Gomez talks to me about some of the security features he would like to see implemented.  “I think we really need to teach some self defense course, I mean Nico was able to get through several of the guards before we were able to stop her.  I don’t want to think what would happen if a group of people were some way able to make their way into the vault. I know Susie brought over some weapons from Nico’s house, and if it’s alright with Nico, I’d like for her to perhaps give us a class and take some of the guards out to practice shooting.  The only type of weapon we use here in the vault, is the 10mm pistol. Some of the bigger guns would require a little more training than what I can give. Plus getting the guards out and seeing the outside world will be good.”

Gomez makes several good points.  “Those sounds like realistic goals, I’ll ask Nico if she would be willing.”  I’m tempted to ask Gomez as to what we could do about Officer Taylor, it seems that he may be one of the main obstacles in making Nico feel comfortable here in the vault.  But Nico said she would deal with it, so I will honour her wishes and stay out of it for now.

 

As we near the vault clinic I can hear Stanley and Nico’s voices.  Walking into the clinic,I see Stanley, Beatrice and Nico all talking.  “Welcome back overseer,” Beatrice says. “Thank you but I’m only back for a little while.”  “ Thank you for the medical supplies, Nico and Stanley dropped by to give me the stimpaks.  Actually Nico was just telling me about the Arlington library.  She said the next time she is there she will try to check out some of the medical books. She says she knows the scribe working there.  You know, I offered to check on her wounds, but Nico just turned red. I’m a little concerned about the bruises on her neck as well, you two get attacked out there?”  she says with a shit eating grin that could give Susie a run for her money. Stanley doesn’t seem to have caught on to what Beatrice is referring to, while Nico’s face and I’m sure mine as well, are bright red.  Officer Gomez clears his throat, most likely from embarrassment. “I’m just teasing you two.”

 

Nico moves to stand next to me, putting her arm around my waist.  “Thank you Beatrice, I mean it for everything. Even for putting up with me while I was going through some stuff.”  “No thanks needed, Nico. It’s the least I can do after you save my life. If you don’t mind me asking, how are you?”   Nico seems at ease with Stanley, Beatrice, and Officer Gomez. “I’m healing. I think just being back here messed with me.  I think in time, I’ll be comfortable. Susie and I are going to travel around but we won’t spend too long on the road.”

We spend a few more minutes talking before we make our way out of the vault.  Before leaving we run into Wally Mack. We give him an update on Susie and Nico apologizes for kicking him down the stairs.  

 

“Don’t worry about it, just goes to show that we need to work on our defense.  I think Officer Gomez wanted to talk to Amata about that.” “Yes, he did.” I say, “He suggested that maybe Nico can give the vault security some lessons in hand-to-hand combat and gun training if you feel up to it.”  Nico shrugs before saying, “that’s not a bad idea. Guess I’ll have to add it to the list.” “Cool, it would be interesting to learn some new moves.” Wally says.

 

We say our goodbyes and head back into the wasteland.  As we are walking back to Megaton, I stop us to ask Nico something.  “Hey, are you okay with teaching Wally and the rest of the security guards?  It seems like I keep volunteering you for stuff without asking. You can always say no.”  

She kisses my cheek, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.  “It’s okay. I think this will help me feel more comfortable in the vault.  It would really benefit the vault if they learned how to protect themselves.  I don’t just mean the security forces, I think it would be best for everyone to at least know how to handle a pistol.”  “Okay, I’ll tell Gomez the next time we visit. I’m sure he’ll be relieved that you are gonna help. I’m sure Susie will be glad to help as well.”  “I bet she’ll love to smack Wally around.” We both laugh as we head back through the gates of Megaton.


	31. Plans for the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."  
> \- Matt Groening

We get back to Nico's house to hear noise coming from the radio. Nico rushes up to grab the receiver before the transmission ends.  "This is Nico, hang on. Your breaking up pretty badly." Nico messes with some of the controls to get better reception. We hear "Nico, this is Riley come in."    
"Riley you are coming in clear. How's it going out there? Everything okay?"  
"Everything is going okay but Susie really wants to talk to you.".

Nico and I both look at each other. Wonder what’s going on. We hear Susie's voice come over the radio. "Nico is that you? Listen the rangers have said that Tenpenny tower is not far from here. So get your asses down here and take me to meet Dashwood! Did you think I'd let you forget your promise."

Nico laughs before answering.  "I didn't forget. I guess Amata and I will head down there. We’ll leave tomorrow, first thing in the morning. We can meet up at Andale. I've been wanting to visit there any ways. How's Dogmeat?"

"Dogmeat is doing well. He's happy as can be. Of course he's always happy to be with me. Now you two enjoy your night and I'll want to hear all the details of what you two have been up to when we see you. Over and out!"

"Well it looks like we are taking a field trip tomorrow." Nico says.  "Is that okay with you?"

"That's more than fine with me. I've been curious to see more of the wasteland."

"Good, it's a pretty easy route. There's a few things I want to get together for a small town down there.  How about we have some lunch then get get things together for that?"

"That sounds good to me."

After lunch, Nico goes about packing some food.  Sugar bombs, spam, Dandy Apples, it's a good amount of food she is packing.  "Do you really think we’ll need all that food?"

"Oh this isn't for us. It's for that town we'll meet Susie at. It's a small town called Andale. It only has a few inhabitants but since I've been out of commission for a while I want to get them some food. I usually take a weekly trip down there with food since they can't exactly scavenge."  
"Can you tell me a little about this town? "  
"uh well.. "  
I can tell Nico is starting to get a little uncomfortable. " You don't have to if you don't want to, I was just curious that's all.". She sighs before looking at me. "No it's okay. It's just... Not one of my more prouder moments."    
"No matter what it is, I still love you." I move around to where she was sitting to take her hand.

"Okay, well I stumbled across this town as I was just wondering around the wasteland. A man, Willy Wilson, and his daughter, Jenny, were outside when I walked up. He greeted me like I was an old friend. He told me how wonderful it was to live in Andale and told me all about the history of the town. Then another man, Jack Smith,  came out with his son, Junior, and started talking to me along the same lines. They were happy. Very happy. It was strange. No one in the wasteland is that happy. They invited me in to meet their wives, Martha Wilson and Linda Smith, who were just as chipper as their husband's. I got a moment to talk to the kids who seemed like regular kids although Junior Smith  wasn't happy that he was going to have to marry Jenny Wilson. That was a little weird, there are kids in the wasteland, so both would have choices as to who they could marry when they were older.  


These were the only two families that lived in this town.  They invited me to stay for dinner but I don't know I was getting a strange vibe so I politely declined and said I had someplace to be but perhaps I would stop in another time and join them.  I visited the last house to meet an old man. Before I even introduced myself he started saying that I should leave and that the people in town were killers. He just kept saying the same thing over and over again.  I left his place and went back to talk to one of the families. When I mentioned what Old man Harris has said Willy mentioned he would have to have another talk with him. I remember what Juniour had said that the men of the town either work in the basement or the shed, so I decided to investigate.  I “found” a key to the shed and decided to wait until the night when they were all asleep. I waited till around 3am until I entered the shed. What I found was just...pure horror. There were human skeletons hanging from the ceiling and in cages. The fridge was filled strange meat, which I figured could have only come from the poor souls that were hanging or trapped.  

These people were killers and cannibals. 

I felt like I was going to be sick so I ran back outside only to find both families waiting for me.  They asked if I found anything interesting in the shed. I stalled as best as I could to try and compose myself.  They told me about some of the people who had passed through, one was a man who had begged for life and said he had a kid in Rivet City.  I think I know this kid, poor kid, thinks his dad ran off on him and his mom. They tried to make me come to understand what they were doing.  Willy said that he was just trying to provide for his wife and kid. He said that they were just trying to survive like everyone else out in the wasteland but they weren’t like everyone else.  If anything they are like raiders. Surviving at the expense of others.

So I decided to kill them.  I knew my decision would make Junior and Jenny orphans but they had their grandfather.  Oh yeah, apparently they were cousins, maybe even more than that. Old Man Harris fathered the kids’ parents or something like that.  I didn’t really have the time to stop and ask for the family history. Anyways, I did what I had to do. If I let them be, they would only prey on others.  Old Man Harris agreed that what I did was right, even if it meant killing his daughter and making the kids orphans. Traders don’t go there because of the rumours of people disappearing so I’ve been taking food there once a week.  I’ve also been trying to get some of the traders to go down that way, but the last time I visited Harris had said that no traders had come through. I usually take enough food to last them over a week but with me out of commission I’m worried.  I only hope that they are doing all right and that some traders have made their way down. I always tell Harris to ration the food just in case I’m not able to make it down there, I just hope he took my advice.”

 

_ I’m at a loss.  Cannibalism and incest.  What all has the wasteland thrown at Nico.   _

_ She hasn’t looked at me since beginning her tale, no doubt worrying about what I will say or how I’ll react.  _

Nico continues to pack away food.  I take a moment to think about the whole situation.  How would I have dealt with that situation? Finally I find my voice.  

 

“Have you told the kid what happened to his father?”  

She finally stops what she’s been doing and briefly looks at me before shaking her head.

“No, I don’t have the heart to tell him plus I don’t really have any hard evidence that the man that was killed and the boy’s father are one in the same.  Although...the kid walks around so angry, maybe if I did tell him it would help.”

“Can I ask...why did you say it wasn’t one of your prouder moments?”

She sighs before looking at me, “I don’t know, it’s like the situation at the Pitt.  It’s just...the crushing feeling of living with the decisions that I make. I mean as I was walking back to Megaton, I was thinking who I am to make the decision of who lives and dies.  I’ve also done terrible things but because I’ve done them for good, I’m called a hero, a “savior of the wasteland." I’m not a hero, I’ve got blood on my hands just like they did. I’ve killed people, I couldn’t even begin to tell you how many people I’ve killed, raiders, enclave, slavers, the people I couldn’t save like those in the Pitt...  I’m probably not make sense.” 

_ The Pitt.  It was her telling me about leaving the slavers in charge that started everything.  We had an argument and then Nico’s health, mentally and physically, really took a turn. _

I grab a second backpack and start packing more food into another bag.  I can feel Nico’s eyes on me. 

“You are making sense.  Without you, the wasteland would be an even more horrible place.  Yes, you’ve had to make horrible decisions. It seems as if the wasteland was waiting for you to come along and fix the world’s problem.  That’s a terrible burden that has been placed on your shoulders. Of course, I haven’t helped ease your burden, if anything I’ve only added to it.  I can never tell you how sorry I am for that. I hope that in the future, the world and I won’t have to rely on you to fix our problems and that we can just live our lives in peace.  You, me, and Dogmeat. “ 

She smiles at that, “There’s nothing I’d love more.”  

“Of course, we can’t forget about Susie, you know she won’t leave us.  I’ve missed her these past couple of days.” I add.  
Nico laughs, “I wonder how Donovan is enjoying dealing with Susie, a glimpse into a possible future perhaps.”  

We both laugh, getting over the seriousness of moment.  She moves towards me and kisses me gently. After she pulls away I kiss her forehead.

“Do you think the kids would like some Nuka Cola?” I say.  She smiles at me, “I think they’d love some cola,” 

After the bags are packed, we go for a walk in the setting sun.  Nico has a classical music station playing on her pipboy. She tells me about Agathe and retrieving the stradivarius violin for her. 

“I wonder...Amata, what kind of wedding would you like?  Big, small? I was just thinking depending on where we decide to get married maybe Agatha would be willing to play at the wedding.”  

“That would be wonderful!  I’d love to met her, perhaps when we all get back we can travel to her house.  About the wedding, I’d like to have our friends from the vault there and I’m sure there are people you’d like to invite, the rangers, this Sarah you keep mentioning, you know I would like to meet her someday.  Perhaps, we can have it here in Megaton.” “Well, well my love, was that jealousy I hear in your voice?” She nudges my shoulder. “No! Of course not!”

The rest of the walk is spent planning the wedding.  Later that night as I snuggle into her side before drifting to sleep, I can’t believe that I get to marry the love the of my life and my best friend. 


	32. South to Andale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is some kind of a sweet innocence in being human - in not having to be just happy or just sad - in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole, at the same time.  
> — C. JoyBell C.

We head out just before dawn.  Nico says it will take a few hours to get there.  “I got to say it feels weird not having Dogmeat here.  I can’t want to see him.” 

“How long have you had Dogmeat?”

“I found him not long after I left the vault, I was actually working on Moira’s book when she had me travel to Minefield to get her a mine.  I came across a junkyard where I heard barking. Dogmeat was fighting some raiders who had killed his owner. I was a little wary of him when we first met.  I had come across some dogs near megaton who attacked me. I gave him so food and water, asked him if he wanted to come with me and that’s pretty much that. He’s been with me through thick and thin.  It broke my heart when I said goodbye to him before activating the purifier but I knew Sarah would take good care of him. Glad it really wasn’t goodbye.”

“I’m glad you had someone looking out for you.”

“I don’t think I would have survived long without him, I can’t wait to see him!”

  Our trip south was fairly uneventful.  There were a few radscorpions that we came across which ended up serving as shooting practice for me.  I’m getting comfortable handling a gun. I decided to go with the victory rifle as my primary weapon with a 10mm submachine gun as a backup.  As we near an area called Fairfax, Nico decides to go around the city and not through. 

“This place is a hotspot for raiders, I can usually clear them but I don’t want to risk it.”

I’m not sure if she doesn’t want to risk it because I’m here or because she still isn’t 100 percent healed but I defer to her judgment when it comes to the wasteland.  I can see a Red Rocket station off into the distance. As we near the station I make out several figures, some standing, some sitting. Nico breaks out into a job before whistling, Dogmeat who had been laying down recognizes the tune and lets out several happy barks before running full speed towards Nico.  When they meet up, Nico drops to one knee and ruffles Dogmeat’s fur. 

“I’m so happy to see you buddy!”

Susie is not far behind as she pretty much tackles Nico to the ground.

“Whoa, easy Suze, I missed you too!”

“I’m so happy to see you both!”

She’s off of Nico and hugs me.  She whispers in my ear, “I wanna hear all the details later.”  She pulls away and winks at me. Oh how I have missed Susie. Riley and the others walk towards us.  

“It’s good to see you two.” Riley says.

“It’s good to see you guys as well, hopefully you haven’t run into any trouble.”  Nico replies.

Butch comes to stand beside Riley.  “Not really we did clear out some raiders in Fairfax that way the water caravan could get through easily.”  

“That’s great, Amata and I went around the town.  I didn’t want to get into a fire fight when we are bogged down.”

“What’s with the backpacks anyways?” Brick says.

“It’s food for this town, there’s an elderly man and his grandkids who live here.  I’ve tried to get traders to come this way, but the last time I was here there hadn’t been any coming this way.  So I usually tried to get down here once a week, but when I got injured I haven’t been down here to deliver the food.  I hope everyone is alright.”

 Donovan comes up besides Susie, “We got here about 2 hours ago, but when we saw that you two weren’t here we decided to survey the surrounding area.  We just got back about 5 minutes before you showed up. We haven’t seen anyone around.” 

“Old Man Harris doesn’t get out much lately, he usually only lets the kids out a few hours a day.  He’s lets them out a little more when I’m here. Come on, he lives in the smaller house.”

We all walk over to the smallest of the three houses.  Nico walks up to the door and knocks. 

“Harris, it’s Nico.  I’ve got a delivery for you.” 

Behind the door we can hear the excited voices of two kids.  

“Grandpa, grandpa, it’s Nico!! Can we open the door? Can we?”  

“Hang on you two.”

We can hear footsteps approaching the door which slowly opens.

“Nico?  It is you! We thought something bad happened to you out there. Then we heard on the radio from the Three Dog that you were taking a break.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been down this way I got injured pretty badly.  I’m finally getting back up to speed. These are my friends.” 

Nico introduces all of us as we make our way into the house, it’s a tight fit but we make it work.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all.  My name is Harris Smith and these are my grandkids Jenny and Jack but we all call him Junior.”  

If on cue the kids tackle Nico.

“We’ve missed you!  What have you’ve been up to?  Do you have any new stories? Grandpa, now that Nico is here can we play outside? Can we, please?”

“Settle down you two.  We all might be more comfortable outside.  You’ll have to forgive our small abode. I can’t bring myself to move into one of the other houses.”

The kids are out the door in a heartbeat.  Dogmeat not far behind. Seems like kids everywhere love the pup.  

“Before we go out, here’s some food.  I brought as much as Amata and I felt comfortable carrying.  I hope you weren't’ in dire straights.”

“This is much appreciated.  The only trader that has come this way is a fellow who calls himself Crazy Wolfgang.  A little odd, but a nice guy. He said he would spread the word about our small town.  He did have a few food items on him that we were able to trade for. But I took your words to heart and have been rationing the food.  Although that may be hard to do in the near future, I think Junior will probably be hitting puberty soon. He already eats enough for two, that boy’s gonna eat us out of house and home.”  

Donovan, Susie, and Brick are all out playing with the children.  Butcher seems to have picked up on Harris’ cough. 

“Sir, I’m a medic.  If you’d like I could give you a quick exam.  That cough doesn’t sound good.”

Harris smiles dadly.  “That’s nice of you to offer but it do much good.  I’m afraid all the smoking I've done over the years is catching up to me.  I gave it up when my wife got sick but too little too late. I just hope I can last long enough to teach these kids how to survive...I’m sure Nico shared the history of this town with you all.”

Before we entered the town, Nico had filled the Rangers and Susie in on what had taken place here.  Brick was the first one to speak,”you mean these people...ate other people. Oh man, I don’t feel good.”  

“I’ve heard rumours of Andale but never would have thought…”Riley says. 

“I mean if they were eating raiders or those Talon company bastard I’d say more power to them but preying on the innocent...I gotta agree with how you handled things.”  Donovan said. 

Susie was pale, “Yeah, I agree with Donovan.  I know that had to have sucked but you did the right thing.”

Looking at the kids play, I can’t help but feel sorry for them.  It’s not their fault that their parents did what they did. Now they are at a risk of losing their grandfather.   Two young kids won’t last long in the wasteland, perhaps there is something I can do...I’m snapped out of my thoughts when Nico gets up telling Harris that we are on our way to Tenpenny tower but will come back this way before heading to Megaton.  Butcher goes to round up the others. Jennny comes running over to us. 

“Nico you’re gonna come back and visit right?”

“Of course, I think we all are going to come back this way unless the Rangers decide once we get to Tenpenny Tower to part ways.”  

“I think we’ll come back this way with you guys.  It’s been awhile since we’ve gotten out of D.C. It’s nice not be surrounded by fallen buildings.”

We all say our goodbyes and head out to Tenpenny Tower.  Nico says we should be there around sundown. We took the route that leads us to the Overlook drive-in and the Cliffside Cavern.  Nico and the rangers decide since we are here to check the cavern to make sure no raiders have moved in. We move through the cavern to find the place abandoned. 

“Seem like nobody’s moved in since I last passed through here, that’s good.”

Even though it has been abandoned you can still see the presence that raiders leave behind, chains, garbage, etc.  

I’m glad when we finally exit.  We continue walking for a few hours, occasionally coming across a giant radscorpion.  Our most difficult encounter was with a Albino radscorpion. Susue had never seen one before.  Fortunately, with the rangers help we take the down the scorp before it gets too close. I can see how treacherous those can be.  Donovan tells Susie how that particular scorp are similar to Deathclaws. I’m honestly surprised that Nico and Susie made it back to the vault with the injuries they had.  They may have never made it at all. I push the thoughts away. As we walk, susie come to my side and nudges my shoulder. 

“When we get to the tower, you’re gonna tell me all about your time with Nico.  I want all the details.” She says while wiggling her eyebrows. I’m pretty sure her suspicions are confirmed when I blush.  I quickly change the to the vault and tell her about our visit. Susie says she’s happy to help with the suring up the defenses and teaching the guards how to fight.  She really enjoys the idea of beating up Wally. I’m shocked Susie or the rangers haven’t noticed my ring. I’m grateful either way, Susie will no doubt cause a scene and we are trying to get to our destination without alerting the entire wasteland. 

The tower looms closer and closer.  It’s hard to believe something like this exists in the wasteland.  I know I said the same thing about Megaton but seeing something so tall in person is amazing.  We were probably less than an hour away when Brick says” So what do you think happened to old money bags?  I’d say his men finally got tired of taking orders from the old guy and did him in.” I see Nico visibly stiffen.  I completely forgot about what Nico had told Susie and I in the vault the night things went bad. 

“Nah, I think one of the power hungry tenants did him in.  One probably disagreed with him on something, killed him, then paid of the guards.”  Donovan chimes in. “Nico weren’t you working to find a solution with that Roy Philips guy?  I know Three Dog has been calling you out for how you handled that but hell, I probably would have put a bullet in him too.  Guy seemed psycho.” Donovan continued. 

Susie quickly changes the subject.  “I for one can’t wait to meet Dashwood.  I hope he's everything I imagined him to be.  Donovan aren’t you excited to meet him too?”

“Yeah, I guess so.  He was a badass back in the day.”

“I’m interested in seeing the old guy’s guns.  I hear he has a bad ass collection.” Brick mentions, always thinking about guns.  

I give Susie a quick nod of my signaling my thanks.  I do notice, however, that Riley has been watching the interactions carefully.  

_ I hope this trip wasn't a mistake. _

 


	33. Tower Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m beginning to recognize that real happiness isn’t something large and looming on the horizon ahead but something small, numerous and already here. The smile of someone you love. A decent breakfast. The warm sunset. Your little everyday joys all lined up in a row. - Beau Taplin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this week. Work has been pretty brutal. Hope you guys are enjoying the story. Still have a few plots I want to explore in future chapters so stayed tuned.

We walk up to the closed gates of Tenpenny Tower just as the sun starts to set.  Nico walks up to the Intercom. “It’s Nico, open up.” “Keep your panties on, We’re opening the gate.”  The gate is opened and the head of security, Gustav, greets us. “Welcome Back, boss.”

Susie asks “Boss?”

“Well Nico is the one paying the bills around here so that makes her the boss.  So what brings you out this way?”

I’ve noticed the closer we got to the tower the more Nico’s demeanor charged.  The Nico that is at home in Megaton, to the Nico in Andale, to the one here in Tenpenny Tower are all stark contrasts.  

“Some wanted to see the tower.  We’ll be staying in the top floor suites.”

“No problem, you know those rooms have been empty since you cleaned house.”

Gustav walks with us through the main doors and into the lobby before sitting down behind the desk.  Nico asks, “Has there been any trouble?”

“Besides the stray Radscorpion and those raiders in the destroyed houses, nothing new.”

“Have the water caravans been making it through?”

“Those raiders can sometimes get the jump on them, but I send a team out to clear the way.  Just as instructed.”

“Good.”

Nico turns to us.  “Why don’t we drop off our things upstairs, freshen up, then meet back down here for a snack?”

Nico shoes us where we will be staying.  Riley and Butcher in one room, Susie, Donovan, and Brick in one room, and Nico and I together.

_I hope tonight I get the chance to tell Susie the good news._

We all part for our rooms to freshen up.  

“I’m gonna take a quick shower before we head down.”  Nico Says.

“Oh, are you offering?”  I say.

She smiles at me and I can see the Nico I love return.  

“Well I definitely not going to turn down a beautiful woman.”

“How many girls have you told that to?”

“Only you my love.”

After a extended bath, we get dressed and head down stairs.  I noticed that even though we are within the walls of the tower.  Nico still has a small pistol with her. I guess you can never be to cautious.  When we get to the cafe, the others are already there. I can see that Donovan is trying to get Susie’s attention whose is focused on trying to find Dashwood.  Susie spots us”Hey guys! Over here! Nico where’s Dashwood?!”

“He’s probably in his room, I promise Susie, first thing tomorrow I’ll introduce you.”

We enjoy some food, the tension from earlier not present.  It seems that the rest did everyone some good. Nico proceeds to tell us about the residents.  After dinner, Nico decides to take Dogmeat for a walk while I ask Susie if I can talk to her, I’ve been wanting to tell her about my engagement.  Susie and I go up to the suite that Nico and I are staying in.

“So...how were your days with Nico?  Anything exciting happen?”

“Well you can say that.  Nico showed me how to shoot and we visited the vault.  Wally is doing well by the way. Nico is going to help teach the vault security how to shoot and some hand-to-hand combat.”

“That’s great and all but you’re stalling!”

“Alright, alright, well after we got back from shooting practice, we...you know.”

“Oh MY GOD!  I knew it! I figured if you two were alone, one or both of you would jump the other.”

“There’s something else, I wanted to tell you...after we you know...Nico asked me to marry her and I said yes.”  Susie just stares at me, for a while I think that perhaps she didn’t hear me.

“Susie...you okay?”  

“She asked you to marry her?”

I nod my head.

Susie then lets out a eardrum shattering screech.  It’s so loud that Riley and Butcher who apparently were in their room came bursting through the door weapons at the ready.

“What happened?!  We heard a scream.”  Butcher says.

Susie is jumping up and down, what I assume are happy tears flowing from her eyes.

“I’m sorry to have scared you both, Susie got a little excited.”

“Excited?! Amata, you and Nico are getting married!  I am through the roof, and over the moon. I’ve never been happier.  I better be the freaking maid of honour.”

Riley and Butcher congratulate me.

“We’re happy for the two of you.  Have you planned any of it yet?” Riley says.

“We were thinking of having the ceremony in Megaton so our friends could all be there.  I do hope the rangers will be there…”

Riley gives me another hug.  “We wouldn’t miss it.”

Riley and Butcher wish us goodnight before going back to their rooms.

Susie hugs me tightly, “Oh Amata, I am so happy for you.”

I hug her back just as tightly, “I owe you so much, you brought her back to the vault and pushed us together.  There Is no one I want more standing next to me. Will you do me the honour of being my maid of honour?”

“Of course!”

We spent a while discussing the wedding when Nico walks through the door with Dogmeat. Before Nico has time to react, Susie had tackled  her into the ground.

“I knew you could do it!! You just needed a little push.  Oh and Amata already asked me to be her maid of honour so you’ll have to find someone else.  Nico laughs from beneath Susie before looking at me. “Had to tell her didn’t you?”

“I had to, she would have gotten it out of me eventually.”  

Afterwards, we spend a few hours just hanging out.  It’s perfect.  


 


	34. Can I Trust you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ….There is never a perfect answer in this messy, emotional world. Perfection is beyond the reach of humankind, beyond the reach of magic. In every shining moment of happiness is that drop of poison: the knowledge that pain will come again. Be honest to those you love, show your pain. To suffer is as human as to breathe.  
> — J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

The next morning we wake up to Susie just about breaking down the door. Nico grumbles as she gets up and open the door. "Alright Nico, today's the day."    
"Yeah today is the day. I actually ran into Dashwood last night as I was walking Dogmeat. He said he'd love to meet you. So we are going to have breakfast with him. So why don't you wake the others and we can head down. "   
 "Good idea! We will all be ready in a few minutes." Susie takes off like a rocket. Nico sticks her head out the door "Just don't startle the others! " Nico comes back into the bedroom. "Susie needs to learn that startling people in the wasteland is a fast way to end of dead or injured."    
 "I'm sure she'll learn quick enough.”   
She smiles as she comes back to bed and wraps her arms around me, kissing up my neck. “As much as I would love to continue this, Susie will no doubt break the door down and drag you to Daring if we don’t get dressed.” I say. Nico continues to kiss up my neck until she reaches my lips.

She pulls me into a bruising kiss, my body already reacting to hers.  She reluctantly pulls away. “You’re right.” She says sighing. “We better get dressed.”  We both get up and get dressed, before Nico walks out of the door though I push her against the door and bring her lips to mine, my hands roaming her torso.  I break the kiss to whisper against her lips, “Tonight, you are all mine.” She smiles before whispering back, “I’m yours forever.” _Damn you Susie for making us leave this room._

We proceed out the door before we barricade ourselves in the room.  We get to the cafe to find a hyper Susie, Riley and Butcher drinking water, and a barely awake Donovan and Brick.  I go get Nico and I some water from Margaret Primrose the owner of Cafe Beau Monde. We met her briefly the night before as we grabbed something to eat.  We strike up a friendly conversation about the tower and some of the other residents. I see an older man walk in and up to Nico. _That must be Dashwood._  I head back to the table in time for Susie’s fangirl mode to take over.  She almost flips the table as she stands up too quickly. The others scramble to try to steady the table.  Nico shakes his hand and introduces everyone to Dashwood. “It’s a real pleasure to meet all of you, Nico was telling me how you are big fans of the radio program.  I’m glad to see youngsters enjoy my adventures. I suggested we all have breakfast together and chat.”

Susie is practically shaking with excitement.  “Mr. Dashwood, I’m a huge fan! I have so many question I wanted to ask you, if that’s alright.”  

“Of course! I welcome questions.  It’s not often that I get to talk about my old adventures.  How about we order some food first though, I’m so hungry I could eat a brahmin.”  We are all enjoying breakfast as Susie asks question after question about Rockopolis, Penelope Chase, Argyle, and Harman Jurley.  Dashwood seems to enjoy rehashing his adventures. Even Brick and Donovan join in with questions about guns and tech. I do notice after we are finished eating that Riley and Nico keep glancing at one another.   _Could this be about what happened to Tenpenny?”_

Eventually Riley interrupts, “I’m sorry to interrupt but Nico could I talk to you about something.  It won’t take long.”  
“Sure, we can talk outside. We won’t be long.” Both get up and walk to the entrance.  I’m concerned and I can tell Susie is too. I try to read any emotion from Butcher but he’s stone faced. Brick and Donovan are too enthralled with one of Dashwood’s tales to notice anything wrong.  Dogmeat is currently being fed by Margaret, usually he’s a good judge of a situation especially when it comes to protecting Nico. I try not to think too much about it. Nico and Riley have been friends for a couple of years, I’m sure whatever is going on can be resolved.  After almost 20 minutes, I excuse myself to take Dogmeat for a walk. I’m sure Dogmeat does need to go outside but I’m using this to see if Nico is alright. Dogmeat and I head outside, we see the guards near the gate, and two residents, Edgar Wellington II and Susan Lancaster sitting at a nearby table.  Nico told me about those two and their affair. Dogmeat seems to have caught a hold of Nico’s scent and takes off towards the rear of the tower by the shooting range. As we near closer I can hear Nico and Riley talking, or arguing more like it. Luckily Dogmeat doesn’t go running over so I’m able to listen in on their conversation.  

“Do you really think that justifies doing what you did to Tenpenny?  I understand what you’re saying, he was prepared to pay to have everyone in Megaton murdered because it inconvenienced him, but killing him and taking over the tower?  I know what Three Dog has said about the Philips case but I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt on that one.”

“What would you have had me do?  Just let him get off with no punishment.  Let Lucas Simms put a bullet in him? You forgot about the part where he sent the talon company to kill me for not going through with his plan.  Because of him, I have to look over my shoulder until Talon company finally gets tired of losing men or I kill them all. It’s not just me, because Talon are constantly trying to kill me I can’t stay in one place for long.  What if I’m at a settlement and they decide to attack, my presence is putting other people in danger. Even though I took out their HQ, those bastards are still hunting me.”

“You’re a part of Riley’s Rangers.  Your actions reflect on us. People are gonna hesitate to come to us if they think we are like Talon company, going around killing whoever gets in our way.”

“If you want the armour back, all you have to do is the say word.”

“That’s not what I’m implying, just keep in mind that your actions reflect on those who associate with you.”      

At this point Dogmeat chooses to bark and run over to Nico giving away my position.  Both look over to my location. “Amata? Is everything okay?” Riley asks. _  
_ " Well, Dogmeat needed a walk after being spoiled by Margret.  I’m sorry to have listened in on your conversation. In Nico’s defense, she’s had to face situations that forced into making extremely difficult decisions.  I also had questions when Nico came back into my life, to be honest, I still do. But I know, Nico has faced things I can never imagine. I’m sure the rangers have also faced difficult moral issues.  I know the Rangers operate on a strict code of ethics, as do I but I realize the wasteland is a world of gray.

Riley sighs, “I know.  I still trust you Nico, I trust you with my life but I just don’t agree with you.  All I’m asking is that you take into account those around you.” Nico walks over to me and kisses my forehead, “I’m sorry if my actions have cause any trouble for the rangers but I don’t regret my actions in this case or the Philips case.  I didn’t do it to take over the tower, I did it to protect the people of Megaton. Those people have treated me incredibly well over the years. Tennpenny and his lapdog Burke wouldn’t stop until Megaton was gone. They would have found someone who was willing to do the job.  I pay the guards to take care of the tower and to keep the area clear of raiders for the water caravans. So yes they work for me but without them this area would be defenseless. If it makes you feel any better I don’t plan on getting myself into difficult situations. I don’t know if you’ve heard but I asked Amata to marry me and she said yes.  I don’t plan on being away from her for long periods.”

Riley smiles, “Yes, Susie told us the good news last night.  Congratulations. I’m sorry to have  brought this up, I just wanted to voice my concerns. I’m happy for the both of you.  I’m glad to see you happy Nico.”

“Thank you Riley, I’m sure Amata will keep me in line” Nico says wrapping her arm around my shoulders.  

“I’m sure she will.”

_Seems like things have settled down for a bit._

Riley excuses herself to go see how the others are doing.  Nico, Dogmeat, and I sit at a nearby table. “I’m sorry that I was listening in on your conversation.  I was worried. I noticed the tension between you two yesterday. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”  

“It’s okay.  I’m glad you were here.  Sometimes I feel like I have to defend my actions all the time.  Riley has her own set of morals. We agree on a lot of things but there are times when we don’t.  Even Sarah and I don’t agree on everything and she’s probably the person I’m closest to, after you of course.  Having someone else defend me, it’s nice. You really are amazing you know that.”

I kiss her jaw, “You’re my fiance, of course I’m going to defend you.”    
“I can’t wait till I can call you my wife.”   
“Me neither.  We better go check on Susie.  Dashwood was having a ball telling his stories. Donovan, Brick, and even Butcher were all enthralled.

“Maybe Susie is up for a little adventure.  There’s a trade post not far from here. The trader is usually pretty good about prices.  Besides it’d be nice to go for a walk.” We had inside to find the others still listening to Dashwood.   After he finishes his story on Rockopolis, Nico suggests giving Dashwood a break but says that if he feels up to it he is more than welcome to join us for dinner.  The others agree and Dashwood says he would love to join us for dinner and may even bring some of the treasures he’s collected over the years.

After Dashwood takes his leave, Nico tells the others of the trading post.  Riley, who was at one of the shops, comes in. We all agree to meet up in 30 minutes to head out.  Once we head out it doesn’t take long before we are there. We walk through the ruins of the destroyed houses.  Nico tells us this is where raiders try to ambush the water caravans but she told Gustav to send patrols out to make sure the path is clear.  I do notice as we make our way past a subway station that Nico doesn’t take her eyes off it. _Maybe she’s just lost in thought._

We get to the shop, the trader is friendly and gives us a good deal on a few items for the vault.  She also gives us a deal on a few out of the ordinary items for Moira. Just as the others are walking out of the shop we hear someone yell “Talon Company!” Nico quickly pushes me back into the store as the sound of gunfire erupts.  


	35. I Trust You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I went inside my heart  
> to see how it was.  
> Something there makes me hear  
> the whole world weeping. 
> 
> ~Rumi

I can hear more than I can see.  I hear the sound of Eugene spinning to life, Brick shouting profanities, and Riley giving commands.  The fight only lasts a few minutes, before Susie comes back into the store and gives the all clear. I step out with the trader to see 4 Talon Company mercenaries on the ground.  Nico and the rangers are, thankfully, unharmed. One of the talon company mercs is still alive, he’s laying on the ground, blood coming from his mouth. Nico walks up to him, as I am walking to Nico I can hear the man pleading for his life.   
 “Please...please...I promise if you let me go...I won’t come after you...please…”   
Nico doesn’t hesitate, pulls out her pistol and execute him. I think back to the vault cafeteria where she had said that she didn’t want to be looking over her shoulder.  I can see the others watching Nico. “Hey, are you okay?” I say, lightly touching her shoulder as to not startle her. “Amata, are you okay?” She says looking me over, Dogmeat is also by my side nudging my hand. “I’m okay you two. Both of you worry too much.”  I say ruffling Nico’s hair and Dogmeat’s fur. Against my better judgement I look down at the body. The man looks to be no older than I am. He may even be younger.

Susie and Donovan come up to us. “I think these guys were rookies, that was way too easy. If they were veterans, we wouldn’t be walking away without some injuries.”  Donovan says.  “You’re right.  I thought that I took care of most of them when I took out their base but it seems they’ve been recruiting.  Unfortunately, they promise a life where people don’t have to struggle to survive. I’ve met families whose sons have gone off and joined Talon company in hopes of providing for the family.”   Nico replies.

“We should head back to the tower.” Riley says.  After making sure the trader is okay, we all head back.  Gustav is waiting for us at the gate. “Sounds like there was some excitement out there.”  He says, not sounding too concerned.  “You could say that.”  Nico says, walking past him.  As we enter the lobby, she turns to us.  “I’m going to head for the room and lay down for a while.”  “That’s probably a good idea. You still need to rest because of the concussion.”  Butcher says, Nico departs with Dogmeat and heads for the elevator. I tell the others that I’m going to go with Nico and that I’ll meet up with them later before running to catch Nico at the elevator.  I take one of her hands in mine, this snaps Nico out of her thoughts. She smiles at me before kissing my cheek. I can tell that today’s events have taken a toll on her. We walk into the elevator and once the doors close I wrap my arms around her neck and bring her as close as possible.  Today's’ events have also shaken me. Not just Nico doing what she did but having people shoot at us. This was different than when a radscorpion was charging at us. For a moment, I was taken back to when James opened the vault door. I know the guards weren’t shooting at me, my father’s orders no doubt, but the sound of the gun shots echoing off the vault walls sent shivers up my spine.  The bodies of Tom and Mary Holden lying in a pool of blood. I’m glad when we finally get back to the room.

Nico and I both take off our armour while Dogmeat relaxes by the bed.  Even though the weather is cooler, we both worked up a sweat on the walk back.  We decide to have a bath, just a bath, I think both of us are too drained to participate in any other activity for the moment.  We both just relax in the tub for a while. Enjoying the closeness of the other person. Not much is said between us.  I don’t think either one of us knows what to say. Both of us are lost in our own thoughts. I feel her arms wrap around my waist, a kiss is placed on my bare shoulder.

“Nuka cola for your thoughts.”

I can’t help but smile as I lean against her chest.  Even after everything, I can’t believe that we are together.  “I was just thinking about that talon company guy, he seemed so young.  He may have even been younger that we are.”

I hear and feel her take a deep breath.  But before she can say anything I continue, “I know that this group is hellbent on killing you.  I just wish that killing them wasn’t the only option especially when they are so young.” Again, I feel an kiss on my shoulder.

“I wish that was the case.  Hell, I’d gladly pay them if they left me the hell alone. But whoever is in charge of that operation is hellbent on seeing me dead.  I didn’t want to kill that kid but in my experience, unless you kill them they will only come back. I remember coming across a raider group that had a kid with them. She was probably 14 or 15 at the time.  I don’t know if she was born into the group or had been taken from a settlement. Anyway I killed everyone but her. I didn’t want to kill her if she was kidnapped or something. She only said one thing to me which was her name, Caroline, besides that she never said a word,  She just looked at me with dead eyes. I gave her some food and water and pointed her to a nearby settlement that would help her. I was on a mission at the time or I would have taken her there myself. I didn’t see her again until I took down the slaver at Evergreen Mills, except she wasn’t a slave but a slaver.  She called herself Carolina Red. She was a complete psychopath. I don’t know if something had happened to her from when I left to when we met up again...but the girl I saw with the raiders was gone. I was under cover so she didn’t recognize me but I eventually put her and the rest of the slavers down. Before that she had talked about how her father had cut the legs off a guy just to see him crawl.  Out here, you can’t trust anyone. If I spared that boy, he may have gotten out of Talon Company, although I’ve heard that they will kill you before they let you leave, or he could have gone right back to them. I just don’t know.”

With a little maneuvering, I’m facing her.  “I trust you. I know that you wouldn’t kill someone unless you knew they could potentially come back and hurt you or someone else.  To me, you’re still the girl who uses violence as last resort. Didn’t Mr. Brock say the G.O.A.T said that you’d be a priest. You may be a little rough around the edges now but that’s what this world has forced you to become.  I love you.” She gently kisses my lips before saying “I love you too.”

We get out of the tub and dress in lounge clothes.  We both collapse into bed and snuggle up to one other.  We aren’t in bed long before Nico is fast asleep. I get up and kiss her forehead and decide to sit out on the balcony for a while. I first check on Dogmeat who accompanies me outside.   I can make Megaton out from atop the tower. It’s a beautiful view from here. I go back inside and find a book to read, Tales of a Junktown Jerky Vendor, and return to my spot on the balcony.  I’m so caught up in the book that I don’t realize how much time has passed. I’m startled when I look up and see Nico leaning against the door frame.

She smiles, “You know for a nerd, you’re beautiful.”  She comes to sit next to me. I playfully smack her with the book. “How long have you been standing there?” “Not long. Interesting read?” “It’s not bad.” The sun is starting to set.  I look over to her and smile as she messes with Dogmeat. I can see our life together already, having getaways to Megaton, walking Dogmeat, possibly having kids. I wonder how soon getting married would be seen as too soon.  “Look Dogmeat, she’s ignoring us again.” I playfully smack her with the book again. “I was just thinking about our future together and how I can’t wait till we’re married. Actually when we get back to the vault I was going to ask Officer Gomez if he would do me the honour of walking me down the aisle.  We got pretty close while my dad was in control.” I’ve hardly talked to Nico about the time when she was gone.

“My dad...after you left and after I helped you leave, went super protective of me. For a whole week after you left, only certain people could walk freely. I think my father was scared that I may try to follow you.  He had Officer Gomez escort me everywhere. Because there was so few guards after everything had happened, my father asked or more like commanded Wally to join the guards. So Wally starting working under Gomez, I think that’s how Susie and I started hanging out. Susie would be with Wally just so she could get out of their apartment, and Wally would be with Gomez so we started talking and became friends.  If it wasn’t for Officer Gomez I may not have been able to send you a message asking for help.”   
Nico smiles at me, before grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers.  “I think Officer Gomez would be honoured to walk you down the aisle.” “Oh! He did ask if we could keep an eye out for a nice girl for Freddie, maybe he’ll meet someone at the wedding.”  “I have some friends I could introduce him to. Speaking of the wedding, where do you want to have the honeymoon?” “Oh, well you know the wasteland probably better than anyone, where do you suggest?  I do hope though that wherever we go is private.” I say as I straddle her. “You know, if I recall you said something along the lines that I was all yours tonight.” Before I can react, she’s picking me up and moving us towards the bedroom.  “Oh I remember all right, might I suggest though that before we go any further that you lock and maybe even bar the door before we get interrupted by a certain blond.” She quickly puts me down and kisses my lips before taking off to lock the door.  “Good Idea!”


	36. Calming Tides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are. It soley relies on what you think.  
> -Unknown

Nico and I forgo dinner with Dashwood.  It’s not that we didn’t want to go it’s just that we had more pressing matters which at the moment was Nico kissing my inner thigh.  I lay there and try to catch my breath. _God, she’s good at that._  She kisses up my body until she reaches my lips.  “You are very good at that.” I say. Her cheeks flush.  “How long have we’ve been at it? We probably need to walk Dogmeat.”  She says. I take a look at my pipboy, 9:37pm, it reads. “Yes, I’m sure he needs a walk.  I could also use some food.” I say. We both get dressed and head downstairs. Before we head outside, we stop by the cafe and to our surprise we find Dashwood and Susie still there.  Donovan is also there no doubt only there for Susie.  
“Well hey there you two, we missed you both at dinner.” Dashwood says.  
“Oh...well we were both pretty tired from this afternoon. We just decided to rest up before we head back to Megaton tomorrow.”  Nico says.   
“Yes, Susie told me about the dust up with the Talon company. I’m glad that you all are okay.”  
“I bet you two are tired, lots of excitement.”  Susie says coyly. Both Nico and I send a glare in Susie’s direction.   
 “We were just going to pick up some food and take Dogmeat for a walk. Would you care to join us?”  I say.   
“That’s a lovely offer but I was just telling Susie and Donovan about some of the artifacts that I have.  I believe we were going to get Brick and head back to my place. But thank you for the offer.”  
We bid them goodbye and head over to Margaret.  “Oh Nico it’s so nice to see you happy, almost every time you’d head out this way you were always so serious. It warms this old lady’s heart to see you with your friends.  Now what can I get you two?”   
“We’ll take two Nuka Cola, some Dandy Boy Apples, and a little something for Dogmeat.”  I say.   
“Coming right up Darlin.”   
 While Nico is playing with Dogmeat she notices me staring at her.  “Do I have something on my face?”   
“No, it’s just hard to picture you being serious all the time.  I mean I have seen you when you are serious but to me you are still that teenager trying to prank me or cracking jokes to make me laugh whenever my father would ignore me.  I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much you helped me through those times.”   
“Well I couldn’t stand to see you sad.  I think I knew I loved you then but I just didn’t know in what way.  I just knew that if I could, I wanted to make you smile for the rest of my life.  I hope that I can keep doing that.”   
“I know you will.”   
Nico was about to lean in for a kiss when Margaret come back with our food.  “Here you go you two. I whipped something special for Dogmeat. He’s such a good pup.”    
“Thank you Margaret.”   
 We pay her and head outside to sit at the outside tables and enjoy the stars.  Nico talks about taking more food to Andale so they have a little more insurance in case she isn’t able to get down there.   This gets me thinking about Junior and Jenny.   
“Nico, what do you think about inviting Harris, Junior, and Jenny to live in the vault?  Of course, I would have to bring it before the vault to let them decide but do you think they would adapt well?”  
“You’re worried that if Old Man Harris dies the kids will be alone right?”     
I nod as Nico leans back in her chair. “Well both are young enough to adapt and with the vault opening they can always come with me to Megaton where there are other kids.  Do you plan on explaining to the vault their history as cannibals, albeit the kids were unaware?”  
“I don’t want to keep secrets from the vault so I would divulge that information to them.  I can’t see much resistance from the people in the vault even with knowing their past. When we get back to Megaton, I’ll head back to the vault and talk to Gomez.  You can come with me if you want, or you can rest at Megaton. Whatever you choose.”  
After a moment, Nico responds, “I’ll come with you.”    
I can’t hide my excitement. “Really?” I say hopeful.    
She looks at me and smiles, “Yeah, well pretty soon we are going to be married.  I should take an interest in the going ons of the vault. Plus I’d miss you too much.”  
I lean over the table and kiss her.  “Such a romantic.” “I try.” After a few more minutes of stargazing we head back to the room to rest up before heading back to Andale and Megaton.  We catch Riley and Butcher in the lobby and tell them the plan for Tomorrow. “That sounds good. We should be heading back to D.C. We will probably part ways at Andale.  We’ll see if we have any trouble separating Susie and Donovan.”  
As we lay in bed that night, I ask Nico if she’s sure she wants to come to the vault. “I’m sure. The vault is my home.  I’ll help Stanley and try to stay out of the way until I feel more comfortable.”  
“You know since you are a resident of the vault you get a vote.”  
“I’ll show up to the vote.  Don’t worry, I’ll vote to let them in.”    
“I was hoping that maybe you’d be up there with me.  I think it would be great if you would say a few words about Harris and the children.  You know them better than I do.”  
“I...I don’t think that’s a good idea.  You’re the overseer, you should be the one to talk.  They’ll listen to you.”

I don’t push the subject but I hope Nico reconsiders.  I think it would help Nico but it would also help the vault accept her.  There are those in the vault that are already fine with Nico, mainly those that were part of the resistance.  The others are fine with her being back but I think there are some, officer Taylor aside, that aren’t sure about Nico.  They wonder if she’s been changed by being out in the wasteland. It’s true that she has changed, but in other ways she’s the same girl we all knew.  I think there are also some who still hold some reservation about James and remember what took place when the vault was opened. I’ve been trying to let Nico handle it her way, especially the situation with Taylor, But I may have to intervene.  I’m sure she doesn’t want me to use my position as overseer just as I didn’t want my father to intervene when Butch and the Tunnel Snakes were messing with me. I push away the thoughts and snuggle up to Nico who is already asleep.

The next morning we all meet up in the lobby to load up on food to take to Andale.  Dashwood comes by to wish us a safe trip and to visit again soon. I’m walking out of the cafe when I see Nico talking to Gustav.  “Just make sure no stray ghoul or raider impedes the water caravans.” I see Nico hand over what I assume are bottle caps. They shake hands and Nico comes over to me.    
“Got everything we need? We should start out before it gets too late.”   
“Everything okay?” I ask.  
“Yep, just doing some business.”

We head back to Andale without any problems.  The kids are thrilled to see us. Susie, Donovan, and Brick go right back to playing with the kids like before.  Butcher does a quick exam on Harris whose cough seems to have gotten worse in the couple of days we were gone. I really hope the vault lets them in.  Harris is very grateful for the abundance of food we bring him. We stay for about two hours as Nico and Dogmeat join in on the fun the kids are having with the others.  Before we head out Nico says she will be back soon along with Susie. Nico also promises that she will convince the traders to come down this way even if she has to escort them down herself.  We bid goodbye to Harris, Junior, and Jenny and head to the old Red Rocket Station on the outskirts of town.

“All right guys, this is where we will part ways.”  Riley Says. “We need to get back to D.C. but I’m sure am glad you are back Nico.  You had a lot of people worried.” She continues to say as she gives Nico a hug. “I’m glad you guys came around when you did.”    
I notice out of the corner of my eye Susie giving Donovan a kiss while Brick makes a throwing up notion.  
“Now remember to take it easy.  That was one hell of a concussion.  That’s not something that goes away quickly.  So try to avoid head injuries and make sure you get frequent checkups from a medic just to make sure everything is healing.  If you’re in the D.C. area, stop by the Ranger compound and I’ll give you a checkup.” Butcher says as he shakes Nico’s hand. “No problem, I plan on sticking close to the vault and Megaton for a while but I do plan on heading over to the Citadel soon to check on the Brotherhood.”    
I walk over to Riley and hug the older woman.  “Thank you for everything, you and the Rangers were a Godsend.”  Riley hugs me back tightly. “I’m glad we were able to help. You take care of her and let us know when the wedding will take place.  We wouldn’t miss it.”

Brick is roughing up Dogmeat and teasing Nico about her sniper rifle.

Susie is talking to Riley, I can hear her thanking Riley for letting her travel with them.  After all the goodbyes, we part ways with the Rangers.

“I’m going to miss having those guys around.  I forgot how nice it was when I was with them.”  Nico says. I turn to Susie, “You holding up alright?”  “Oh yeah, Donovan and I knew this was coming. We said we’d visit and see how things go.  Thank you both for coming down to meet us. Dashwood was even more amazing than I could have ever imagined.  Thanks for introducing me, Nico.”  
“It's no problem.  Hopefully when we travel now I won’t hear you begging me to introduce you to Dashwood.”  Susie bumps Nico’s shoulder. “I wasn’t that bad but if you’d rather talk wedding plans than I’m all ears.  I have so many ideas!”

On the way to the vault, I fill Susie in on my plan to allow the Andale residents entry into the vault.  Susie is on board saying we need some young blood in there and that old lady Palmer will be happy to have someone to bake for.  We make it back to the vault as the sun is starting to set and the first stars are starting to shine. We made it back with little incident, the stray radscorpion but nothing else. We decide to stay at the vault and we’ll take Moira her interesting finds later.  At the moment we have more urgent matters that need attention. I plan on talking to Officer Gomez and hopefully tomorrow morning I will bring it to the vault dwellers to consider.   
But for the time being, I'm glad to be back at home.


	37. More Trouble on the Homefront, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’re so calm and quiet, you never say. But there are things inside you. I see them sometimes, hiding in your eyes.  
> — Tracy Chevalier, Girl with a Pearl Earring

We enter the vault to see Wally Mack standing guard.    
“Welcome back, Overseer, Officer Gomez would like to see you as soon as possible.”  
 “Okay, I’ll be right there.” I turn to Nico and Susie, “I’m going to head up to the office, I’ll see you in a bit.”    
 “Okay, I’m going to give some parts and medicine to Stanley and Beatrice. When I’m done I’ll head up to our room.” Nico says.   _Our room._ I’m so happy she sees my room as our room.  
“Well I’m heading to the cafe, Wally why don’t you join me.  I can give you some pointers on firearms and self defense moves.  Lord knows you need it. Nico threw you like a rag doll.” Susie says.   
 “Hey! She just caught me off guard that’s all.” I hear from Wally as I excuse myself to head back to see Gomez.  I can still hear Susie ragging on Wally down the hall.

I run into Pepper Gomez on my way.  She tells me that her husband has been working hard.  I apologize to her for putting such a burden on them but he’s a good officer who I trust.  She seems happy though that Gomez is living up to his potential. She said that she always knew he could be more than a simple guard so she’s glad that he is doing so.  As I reach my office, I give a knock before heading in.   
Officer Gomez is sitting behind the desk, “Amata! Thank Goodness you’re back. We have a problem.”   
“What?! What problem?”    
“Officer Taylor heard that Nico is back. He’s been trying to convince the vault that you aren’t fit to lead especially with you relationship with Nico. I overheard him saying that you are blinded by Nico.  I tried to talk to him but he’s adamant that you are gonna lead this vault into the ground.”

Furious is an understatement.  I try to calm myself before I make any rash decisions.  “I know he has a problem with Nico. She’s asked me to stay out of it, but it looks like I have to intervene.”  I sit down and try to gather my thoughts, I knew trying to convince the vault to let the Andale residents in was going to be a challenge.  Now though, I’m being called a unfit leader. Before I tackle that problem, I want to talk to Gomez about Andale. “Officer Gomez, I’d like your opinion on an issue…”  I proceed to tell him about Andale and the three people who live there. I don’t leave anything out. When I bring up lettime them into the vault, Gomez doesn’t seem surprised.    
“I figured that’s what you were gonna ask. I wouldn’t have a problem with letting them in. You may have some trouble convincing the others though. The last time the vault was opened was for James and Nico.  We know how that ended. They may hold some reservation, especially with the background on the three.”

“I plan on holding a meeting tomorrow to inform the vault.  I want them to decide and I will respect whatever the outcome is.  I figure I’ll let them process the info for a few days before we reconvene for a vote.  I’ll send out a message through the pipboy to let everyone know.” I was planning on asking Gomez to walk me down the aisle but that will have to wait.  My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door.   
“Hey there,” Nico says as she enters.  
“Nico, how’s everything going?” Nico and Gomez continue to talk.  To add to the growing situation, I need to think about telling Nico. I’m afraid if I tell her she will go after Taylor which won’t help the situation. But I don’t want to keep things from her.  

She touches my shoulder, “You okay?”    
“I’m fine, just trying to think of what to say  at tomorrow’s vault meeting. Like I was telling Gomez, no matter what the outcome is I’ll respect the vault’s decision.”  

“I hope everything goes smoothly.  If you really think it will help, then I can say a few words to the vault.  I was talking to Stanley and Beatrice about them. They are both on board.” “That’s good.  I’m glad to hear that both are on board. I’m hoping the rest of the vault will be just as easy to convince.”    Gomez excuses himself and bids us goodnight.

“How about we head to bed?  We have a big day tomorrow.”  I suggest. As we lay in bed, Nico asks, “Is there anything that I should highlight about Harris, Junior, or Jenny?  I was thinking about highlighting Junior and Jenny’s ages. For Harris, I was thinking about highlighting his experience.  I think since Gomez wants to train the guards, his experience in the wasteland could be useful.”  
“That sounds good.” I say, my mind distracted with whether to tell Nico about Taylor.    
“Then Susie and I are going to run away together and live in Tenpenny Tower.”

“Sounds good.”

“Amata!”  

“I’m sorry...what were you saying?”  

“What’s going on?  Is everything okay?”  

I snuggle into her neck, feeling comforted when her arms wrap around me.  

“I’m sorry, it’s just...Gomez brought up a good point when I was talking to him about the issue.  The last time the vault was opened was for you and your father. People still remember what happened.  I’m just worried that will have an effect on how they view the Andale residents.” Nico is silent for a while.   
 “Maybe….Maybe I shouldn’t say anything then.”   
I kiss her jaw, “How about we see how things go and just play it by ear.”    
She kisses my forehead, “That sounds like a plan. But just so you know, if you want me to speak, I will.”   
I sit up and lean over her, kissing her lips, “Thank you.  Oh, if you plan on running away with Susie, you’re gonna have to run farther than the tower. I will hunt you down.” Nico laughs before pulling me down on top of her.  

 The problems of the vault are lost for the time being as Nico and I are preoccupied with each other.  No matter how many times we make love, each time feels like the first. Our hands wander timidly, as if asking if that’s okay.  I can’t get tired of the way her body moves as I touch her, the sounds she makes as she tries to hold back. When she takes control, she’s always so gentle, scared that she’ll hurt me.  There are moments when she loses herself, bites my neck a little harder, pulls my hips to her roughly, kissing me harder. I love these moments, I scratch harshly down her back which causes her to moan loudly.  I love looking in her eyes in these moments, to see such love but also seeing her trying to restrain herself, I wish she would let herself go. I want to voice this but gasps and moans are all I can muster in my state.  My hands are pinned above my head, as her movements become slightly more rougher, my body has no choice but to arch into hers. Finally my body can’t take any more, my scream is smothered by her lips. My hands are released which are immediately on her back, pulling her as close to my body as I can.  She’s kissing my neck as I catch my breath. “Sorry, I got a little carried away.” “You don’t ever have to apologize for that.” I say as I kiss her lips.

We spend time just being with one another before Nico falls asleep.  Even though my body is exhausted, my mind is also exhausted but I'm unable to sleep.  The brewing trouble in the vault keeps me up. I'm still torn over whether to tell Nico about what is happening in the vault.  I don't want her to worry or possibly do something such as confront Taylor which may swing some of those still unsure about Nico.  While it is true that Nico was granted vault residency with only one dissenting vote, I could tell that there was some who were not completely keen on the idea.

Any perceived unruliness from Nico may not go over well.   Luckily not everyone in the vault was aware of the problem with the vault door and nico's role in that.  There is also the question of my competency as leader. I have put this vault before everything in the past even at the cost of Nico but I won't do that again. If push comes to shove I will not abandon Nico. Not again. I look at the clock on my pipboy, it's nearly 6am.  I decide to get up and get some work done in my office. I kiss Nico, and stretch my aching body. I look over some of the notes Officer Gomez had written. Besides the trouble with Taylor, the vault is running smoothly. Our air and water quality is the best it has been in some time.  The parts that Nico and Susie have brought Stanley have worked wonders. As I read over Gomez's notes on Officer Taylor I come to the conclusion of what I may need to do. I remember my promise to Nico back in Megaton, that I would walk away from the vault if it would help her. I know what my father would do regarding Taylor, imprison or even exile him. But I am not my father and I refuse to become him.  If Taylor wants to challenge my position as overseer than a discussion on the subject will be held. Although I know what the root cause is: Nico. By the time she has appeared in my doorway, I know what I have to do.

 


	38. More Trouble on the Homefront, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm.  
> — Willa Cather, The Song of the Lark

Nico and I head down to the cafe where we are greeted by several familiar faces. Old Lady Palmer, Mr. Brotch, Freddie, Susie, Wally, Stanley, and Beatrice.  It feels nice to be surrounded by friends and I can see that Nico feel comfortable around this group. I take a seat while Nico is talking with Susie, Wally, and Freddie.  Beatrice sits down next to, “How was your time in the wasteland? Nico stopped by the clinic yesterday to drop off some chems and gave me a quick recap.” “It was good, I was able to meet some of Nico’s friends and travel a little through the wasteland.  I think it was for the best to get some experience out in there, now I kinda know what Susie and Nico will be dealing with when they venture out.”    
Beatrice grabs my left hand and eyes my engagement ring, “ I see congratulations are in order.  Is this what today’s meeting will be about?” 

“No, today’s meeting is about something important to me.”

We continue to talk for a few more minutes before I excuse myself to make sure that everything is coming together for the meeting in the atrium.  Officer Gomez is there overseeing the construction of the stage. “How’s everything going” I ask.

“The setup is almost done.  The chairs are set. We are just stabilizing the stage.”  After my father stepped down, I started to hold meetings to help the vault heal.  We were able to rig up a stage with a microphone.    
“Are you ready for the meeting?  I have a unsettling feeling that it won’t go as smoothly as we both would like.”  Gomez says. 

I know he is probably right, with how things are between Nico and Taylor, I can expect there to be some sort of confrontation.  “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. I’ve given a lot of thought on what to do depending on how it plays out. Everything will be okay.”     
Gomez pats my shoulder as people start to file into the atrium.  Nico comes up and gives me a quick kiss before moving off to the side to stand next to Gomez who is also on the stage.  I can see officer Taylor and the daggers he’s shooting at Nico. I take a deep breath before putting on my my overseer persona, “Hello everybody.  I’m glad you all could make it, I know it was a little last minute but thank you all for being here. Before we get to why we are here, I’d like to give my thanks to a few people.  First, I’d like to say thank you to Officer Gomez. As you know I have taken some time away from the vault in order to help make us stronger as a vault. In my absence I named Officer Gomez as Interim overseer and I have to say that he has done a wonderful job.”  There’s a loud round of applause for Gomez who blushes and gives a small wave. I can see Pepper Gomez wiping away tears from her eyes. “I think we can all thank Stanley and Andy for help making our vault run smoothly. Our air and water output is the best it has been in years.  So a heartfelt thank you both Stanley and Andy.” Another round of applause as Stanley stands and gives a little wave. “I’d like to thank our vault trader, Susie Mack. Without her we wouldn’t have the parts to fix up our home.” susie makes a dramatic stand, bowing and waving for her adoring public.  “And finally I’d like to take a moment to thank Nico. As you all know she has come back to our vault. She has been a invaluable help to Susie and our home in helping to establish trade routes and relations with the capital wasteland. I for one am very happy to have her back.” 

Susie is the first to stand followed by Freddie, Wally, Beatrice, and many of the others who giver her a standing ovation.  I would say about 75% of the vault is giving her a standing ovation while the rest are still applauding except for Taylor, which is no surprise there.  I can tell from his face that he is furious. Nico for her part gives a little wave while Officer Gomez gives her a side hug. 

“Now on to why I have convened the vault.  There is a town south of our position…” I give the vault the whole story about Andale.  I can tell that some are downright scared. I’m not sure it it’s the cannibalism part or the letting outsiders in the vault that is the cause.   With the reaction that Nico got I think it would be good for Nico to speak. 

“I’ve asked Nico to say a few words on behalf of the the three who live in Andale, as she knows them better than I do.  Nico if you would.” 

Nico looks nervous but squares her shoulders and starts to speak.  She is very convincing I must say. As she is speaking I gage the reaction of the crowd.  I can tell the plight of Junior and Jenny is touching the hearts of several of the vault dwellers.  But I can also tell that Officer Taylor is at the end of his rope. Nico was just beginning to talk about Harris when Officer Taylor intervened.  

“I can’t sit down any longer!”  Taylor says as he stands up. He angrily points his finger at Nico.  “It was because of this girl and her father that caused the problems that we are finally getting over.  Do all of you not remember the lives that were lost that day? And I’m not just talking about my dear wife, may she rest in peace.  We lost so much that night and now you are entertaining the idea of letting...savages into our vault. Overseer, I can’t believe that you would let yourself be taken with this girl.  I think we can all agree that you leadership has been great but ever since Nico has come back, your leadership has slipped. I know that I’m not the only one who thinks this.” 

I can tell by Nico’s body language that she isn’t happy with Taylor, not because he is attacking her but because he is attacking me.  Officer Gomez has stepped up next to Nico, I can tell by his body language that he is ready to intervene if need be. I try to diffuse the situation before things can escalate even more.  “Officer Taylor, I know you concerns are likely shared by others but I want to assure all of you that the wellbeing of this vault is always squarely on my mind.” 

“You helped her get back in the vault and overthrow your father.  Who's to say that you didn’t do that to gain control of the vault.  Things may have settled down under your father’s command if you and the other trouble makers would have just followed commands.”  I can hear some people quietly agreeing with Taylor. From the corner of my eye I see Nico take a step forward with Officer Gomez putting a firm hand on her shoulder, while Susie is being restrained by Wally and Freddie.  “Officer Taylor, with all due respect, you have no idea what I have sacrificed for this vault. Throughout my life I have put this vault before everything, no matter what it cost me.” Before I could continue, Taylor cut me off, “Well then let me ask you, Overseer, if you had to choose between the vault or Nico, which would you choose?  It’s obvious your relationship with her is clouding your judgement. So choose.” 

This has escalated much quicker than I thought.  Susie is ready to pounce. I can feel Nico’s eyes on me, watching as I make my next move.  

I take a deep breath and prepare my answer.  


	39. More Trouble on the Homefront, Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can run, run, run away from a lot of things in life, but you can’t run away from yourself. And the key to happiness is to understand and accept who you are.  
> — Dale Archer

The meeting is proceeding like I thought it would.  Even though I thought this scenario was a possibility I still have to remind myself to breath.  I take a deep breath before answering Taylor.

“If forced to choose between Nico or the vault, without a doubt, I would choose Nico.  Twice before I have put this vault over the person I love, I will not do that again. In case it wasn’t clear, Nico and I are together, in every sense of the word.  In fact,” I say, turning towards Nico and extending my hand which she thankfully takes, “we are engaged to be married.”

This draws some gasps from the crowd, even Taylor looks taken back.   Old lady Palmer is the first to speak, “Well it’s about time you two got together!  Most of us knew something was blossoming between you two when both were teenagers, it’s about time you figured it out.”   

I can see others nodding and smiling in agreement with Palmer.  I clear my throat before saying what I had prepared this morning.  

“I don’t want what happened with my father to happen again.  So I propose we have an election for the position of overseer.  I for one would like to nominate Officer Herman Gomez. Many of you know I’ve appointed him the vice-overseer in my absence from the vault.  Officer Gomez has done a fantastic job while I’ve been out in the wasteland. He has my full vote of confidence.”

My proposal for an election shocks the vault.  Even Nico looks stunned. The position of overseer is one that has always been handed down, never elected.  Nico walks up to me and takes me aside.

“Amata, are you sure this is what you want?  You don’t have to do this for me.” I cup her her cheek, “Like I said before in Megaton, I will not choose the vault over you again.  If the majority of the vault doesn’t want me to lead them then you and I can either leave or stay here but I won’t let the vault come between us.  Not again.”

Nico looks at me, tears in her eyes.  Despite the whole vault watching us, she pulls me into a heart fluttering kiss.  

“No matter what, I love you Amata.”

Officer Gomez comes up to us.  “Amata, I don’t think I could be overseer.  I barely kept up when you were gone.”

“Don’t doubt yourself Officer Gomez, you performed admirable while I was gone.  If the vault feels more comfortable with you, I’ll show you the ropes.”

We are all brought back by Palmer, who clears her throat before speaking.  “Well I’d like to nominate Amata to remain as overseer. I saw the leader she is when forming the rebellion and I know she will continue to be an amazing and thoughtful leader.  If it wasn’t for her, we would still be under lock and key.”

I can’t help but smile and thank the older woman.  When she heard about the rebellion she joined up in an instant.  I’m surprised that I haven’t heard anything from Susie. I look over to see Susie being restrained by both Wally and Freddie, who has his hand over her mouth.  As much as I love Susie, that may be for the best. Her going off on Taylor may not help. Dogmeat is sitting off to the side, looking amused at Susie's behavior.  Officer Gomez stands before the crowd.

“As much as I appreciate Amata’s vote of confidence, I think we all know that Amata is the best thing that has happened to this vault in years. If it would help I would be happy to remain as vice-overseer.  The vault is thriving in part due to Nico’s presence. I for one am glad to have her back.” Gomez says placing a hand on Nico’s shoulder.

I hear a commotion from the crowd to see Wally on the ground and Freddie looking terrified.  Susie’s making a b-line to the stage. She hops on stage and addresses the crowd in a way that only Susie can.  

“Are we seriously having this conversation?!  Taylor, you weren’t the only one who lost someone when the vault was opened.  We all loved Grandma Taylor and we all mourned her loss but blaming Nico for that isn’t right.  I’m not crying over the lost of my brother Stevie, he was an asshole, sorry mom, who killed Jonas.  I don’t hold a grudge against Nico for killing him. I also don’t hold a grudge against Amata for what her father did to mine.  Dad got it into his head to try and overthrow the overseer, we all know what happened. My father was executed for insubordination.  Amata and Nico have helped get this vault to prosper, to the point where we can vote on whether to let new people in without taxing our resources.  We actually have a future.”

I see many of the vault dwellers nodding their heads in agreement.  

“And another thing, if you all decide to vote Amata out, you can find another trader cause we three are a package deal, you got that!”  

I can’t help the smile that appears on my face.

“Thank you, Susie.  Now if there is anyone else who would like to speak the floor is yours.  If not then I suggest we reconvene in 5 days where we will vote on a new overseer and whether to let the residents of Andale into the vault.  As with previous votes, the majority vote will stand." 

With no other speakers, we all part ways.  Nico grabs my hand as we make our way back to my office.  The door to my office is hardly closed before I'm pushed against the door, Nico's body against mine.  After kissing me senseless, she pulls back "You didn't have to do that, Amata, but God I'm so happy you chose me." 

After a few more kisses, I pull back to speak, "There was never any choice, I meant what I said.  I know that it will take time for us to fully 100% trust the other given our history, but this is the right step for us.  I will never choose the vault over you, not again.  And I'll try not to panic every time I can't find you."  Nico smiles, "I can't wait until we are married Amata Almodovar."

"Neither can I."

Once again, we are caught up in kissing to pay attention to our surroundings.  So it was a shock to us when the door I was pushed against was no longer there, both of us fall on the unfortunate person at the door.  "GET OFF ME!"  Susie says as she tries to push us off her.  Dogmeat is barking at the three of us playfully.  We try to untangle ourselves which only makes the situation worse.  "What the hell were you two doing...you know what, I don't want to know." Susie says as she finally untangles herself and stands.   
   
"Sorry Susie" Nico says before roughing up Dogmeat's fur.  "Yes, I'm sorry Susie."  I add.   
   
"It's fine, well that was quite the show you put on back there Amata, I heard Officer Gomez telling Beatrice and the others that Taylor had been trying to gain support for a new overseer.  I guess that's what Gomez wanted to talk to you about yesterday.  Can't believe that crazy old man."   
  
"Yes, Gomez informed me about that.  If Taylor and other members of the vault don't feel confident in my leadership than I want to do what is right by the vault.  I don't want another situation that can tear this vault apart.  Whatever happens, happens.  I'm perfectly fine with stepping back from the position if that is what the majority of the vault wants."   
  
Nico comes up next to me.  "You knew Taylor was planning this and didn't tell me?  Maybe I could have talked to him before this, his problem is with me and he's taking it out on you.  He's also putting the vault at risk, you're the best one to lead the vault."   
  
"If that's true, then we have nothing to worry about."  I say, interrupting her.   
  
"Amata..."   
  
I can tell that she's not happy I kept this from her.  Susie, seeming to sense that perhaps a heated discussion is about to take place, quickly excuses herself by saying Dogmeat needs to go outside.

And a heated discussion did take place.  I let her vent for a a while before trying to calm her down.  " I didn't want you to worry.  I know you are still not comfortable being back in the vault, I didn't want to make things worse.  Nico, I'm sorry I didn't tell you.  I debated all night about this.  I...I just didn't want to risk something happening that would jeopardize the peace we have in the vault.  That's why I gave the vault the option of having someone else as overseer."   
  
"'Jeopardize the peace' you mean going after Taylor.  You know I seem to recall you thinking that I would resort to violence when dealing with your father.  I think I did a pretty damn good job in that situation.  Yet, you still think that I'm going to resort to violence.  That's it, isn't it.  You think that whenever someone disagrees with me I'm just going to whip out my gun and blow them away.  I thought you knew me better than that Amata."  She says as she walks out the door.   
I want to call out to her but she's right.  I was scared to tell her cause I didn't want her to go after Taylor.  I've seen what she's like in the wasteland.  I decide against going after her, I want to let her calm down.  I know she'll come back.  

I'm not sitting at my desk long before Old Lady Lucy Palmer knocks at my door.  "Hello, dear.  I hope you don't mind me interrupting you."   
  
"Not at all, I'm actually happy you stopped by.  Today's events have...drained me.  It's nice to see a friendly face."  Palmer sits down and pats my hand.  
  
"Now don't you worry about all that.  This vault knows who the right leader is, Taylor just likes to hold a grudge.  I saw your bride-to-be heading to the vault door, she said she was going to catch up with Susie and Dogmeat."  That puts my mind at ease, I was afraid she would go after Taylor especially if she was fired up.   Palmer and I talk about a few different subject, the wedding, life outside the vault.     It's not long before she picks up that something is off.  "Honey, is what Taylor saying really affecting you?  You know that old man is full of hot air."   
  
I chuckle a bit, "Taylor's words did hurt a bit, but that's not it.  I didn't tell Nico that Taylor was trying to oust me as overseer.  I was afraid that if I did, she may go after him."        
"Naturally, she's always been protective of you."  
  
I smile, thinking back to all the times she saved me from Butch and his Tunnel Snakes.  "Yes, she is.  I love that about her.  She brought up the instance with my father.  When she came back, I had asked her not to hurt my father.  She was hurt when I asked that.  I know she wouldn't resort to violence unless absolutely necessary but..."   
  
"But that was before you exiled her and she went back out into the wasteland.  My daughter, Annie, was not the same when she came back from leading the mission out of the vault.  She never told me what all she experienced out there but I know it changed her."   
  
"I've seen her out there, it's almost like she becomes a different person.  I just...didn't want more violence in here.  This vault has seen enough, Nico has been put through enough."    
  
"I know you meant well, dear.  But I think what it comes down to is a trust issue which I'm sure goes both ways.  When Taylor asked you to choose: the vault or Nico.  You couldn't see it but it looked like Nico was holding her breath, waiting for the inevitable.  It broke my heart seeing her like that.  You two have been through hell and have put each other through hell.  It's gonna take time, but you two can overcome it.  Trust is something not easily earned but very easy to break.  I'm sure trusting people out in the wasteland is dangerous so I can see why she is apprehensive, but she's always been a bit of a hothead that girl of yours'. "   
She laughs as she says this, I can't help but laugh as well.  "Now why don't you get out of this office and go find your girl.  I'm sure she's feeling just as miserable as you are."  I thank her for listening and her advice before racing out of my office.   
Just as I'm about to open the vault door, it starts opening.  Susie and Dogmeat walk inside.  "Look who it is Dogmeat, a little bloatfly told me you can find a certain someone sulking right above the vault."   
  
"Thank you, Susie."  
   
  Dogmeat barks at me before running back to the door that leads outside.  "Oh is that it?  You just gonna leave me for her?!  I thought what we had was special?!"  Susie yells at Dogmeat, who barks happy to be going back outside.  "Mutt."  I hear Susie mutter under her breath before heading inside, bumping my shoulder before leaving.  "Come on Dogmeat, let's go get our girl." 


	40. Shot At Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But dreams have ways of turning into nightmares."  
> -Erin Morgenstern, The Night Circus

Dogmeat races out as soon as I open the door.  He knows exactly where she is so I follow him. By the time i get up the hill, Dogmeat is sitting next to Nico.  She briefly looks at me before turning away, I take a seat next to her as we sit in silence. Eventually, I feel her head bump my shoulder, “I ran off again...I’m sorry, but atleast I only got this far right?”  she says.

I sigh, “You were right to be angry.  I should have told you and trusted that you wouldn’t do anything hastily.  I know you wouldn’t do anything. I’m glad you didn’t run off.”

“We have a few things to work on but I think we are getting better at this relationship thing.”

“Yes, just in time for our wedding.” I say, leaning in to kiss her. We spend a while just enjoying each other’s presence, we enjoy the sunset and watch as the night sky lights up with stars.  

We are interrupted by Dogmeat nudging Nico.  “What’s up, buddy?” Dogmeat is low to the ground as he moves off to the left.  Both Nico and I follow, crouching as we go. We travel a short distance to see what Nico says is a vertibird.   “Enclave” Nico says quietly. We can see two power suit wearing Enclave soldiers and one officer. All Nico has on her is a pistol and knife.  I have a small pistol as well, I’ve been trying to get accustomed to carrying one at all times.

“Damn, it’s not the first time I’ve dealt with these guys so close to the vault.  They like to hang out in this area, sometimes I wonder if they are looking for the entrance to the vault.”  

“Should I go get Susie and some of the guards?  Not to mention better weapons.”

“No, I don’t want to open the vault with them so close.  There’s only three, we’ve taken down way more than that just the two, right Dogmeat?”  She gives Dogmeat a pet on the head.

“Okay, so here’s the plan.  I’m gonna try and get in behind the two , the dark is going to help with that, that armour is good but there is a small area around the neck that you can get a blad in.”  

“What do you want me to do?”

She sighs, “honestly, I’d rather you not be involved but for this to work I’m gonna need you.  I want you to focus on the officer, if you can take him down, great. If not just distract him until I take down the power armour wearers.  I’m hoping these guys aren’t veterans. I really don’t know how many escaped Raven Rock before it blew. Alright, let’s go.”

“Wait.”  I grab her and give her a quick kiss. “Be careful.”  

She gives me a kiss as well.  “You two. Dogmeat, on me.”

I get in position and watch as Nico and Dogmeat disappear into the shadows.  I pull out my pistol and get the Enclave officer in my sights. One of the power armour walks away from his companion to a nearby bush perhaps to relieve himself but he never gets the chance as in an instant Nico grabs him and shoves the knife under the helmet and drags him into the bush.  That’s one down. The other two haven’t noticed yet. Nico edges closer to the other power armour wearer when the officer yells out. I shoot at the officer hitting him in the upper arm, Nico is close enough to the other one to grab a hold of his gun, plasma blasts going off but she misses with the knife.  Not being able to get the right angle. Dogmeat tries to grab a hold of the guy’s ankle but fails.

I have to dodge close to the rock as the officer fires at me.  I can hear the struggle of Nico and Dogmeat. I chance a glance to see the officer readying a grenade to throw at Nico.  I yell "grenade!!"and fire off a few shots which hits the officer in the back but he still got the grenade. Nico maneuvers the power armour wearer between her and the grenade.  This probably spared her from serious damage as the grenade explodes tossing them both to the ground. Dogmeat turns his attention to the officer and runs at him, teeth barred. I run over to Nico, gun trained on the power wearer. Nico pushes him off.  She’s covered in blood.   
"Nico!"

"I'm okay. It's not my blood."  
 I notice her knife is firmly entrenched in the guy's neck.  We hear Dogmeat yelp as he is kicked away. The officer has his gun pointed at me.  I feel myself freeze at this. _I can't move._  I can see the officer smile as he pulls the trigger.   _I'm falling._

Nico has kicked my legs out from under me.  She quickly pulls out her pistol and shoots him twice.  Once in the head, once in the heart.   
My first real battle has ended.  I hear Nico groan as she lays down.   
 "Nico! are you hurt?"

"I... just got dizzy for a second.  maybe... maybe you should go get Susie and the guards.  Dogmeat and I will wait here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

I run back to the vault and quickly assemble the guards and Susie.  They grab some better weaponry that we have placed near the entrance to the vault.  I also send Beatrice a message saying Nico is hurt and to be ready. We head back outside.  Wally and Susie take the lead. I practically run back to Nico who is sitting against a rock.  Dogmeat at her side.

“Damn, what the hell happened?!”  Susie says, noticing the carnage. Nico looks pretty dazed, but answers, “Remember the Enclave, it seems they decided to hang out near here.  We need to get rid of the bodies…” Wally doesn’t look to good at the mention of that. “What do you propose we do?” he says. Nico gets up, albeit a little shaky.  

“Well, we could take the power armour off these guys, the brotherhood outcast will give us a good price on them, as well as the plasma weapons. Once we get back into the vault, I want to contact the Brotherhood, they usually give me a really good price for intact vertibirds.  As for the bodies, drag them down the hill. There are so many bodies throughout the wasteland, three more won’t raise any eyebrows.”

The guards get to work on the bodies.  Nico is leaning pretty heavily on me, so I decide to get her back in the vault.  Dogmeat stays with Susie to help keep an eye out.

Beatrice and Officer Gomez are waiting for us at the entrance.  

“If it’s alright with you Amata, I’ll head out and see if I can lend a hand.”

“That would be great, Officer Gomez.  Thank you.” He nods before heading out.

Beatrice motions for me to place Nico in a nearby chair.  

“Nico, how are you feeling?  From what Amata briefly told me, you were knocked to the ground by an grenade and had a heavy piece on armour fall on you.  If it’s okay with you, I’d like to exam you.”

“That’d be great, doc.  I think I may have aggravated my concussion when I hit the ground.”

“You’re probably right, do you feel like you can make it to the clinic, I’m sure you’d feel more comfortable there then out here in the open.”  

“I think I can make it.”

We all make our way to the clinic.  We are about half way there when Nico abruptly stops and turns to me.  “Amata! Are you okay? I didn't even ask. This was your first fight. Are you injured?”  She is frantically looking me over.

“I’m fine, really.  You saved my life yet again, if you didn’t kick my legs out from under me though I may not be fine.  We can talk about it later, let’s get you to the clinic okay.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”  

“Yes, my love.  I’m fine.”

She gives me a small smile and nods her head.  We finally get to the clinic. Nico sits heavily down on the exam table.  I stand off to the side as Beatrice performs her examination.

“Well I believe your diagnosis was correct.  Besides the scrapes and bruises, your head took the biggest hit.  So, and I know this will probably drive you mad, bed rest. You need to rest your head and your mind.  You were still recovering from your previous concussion, this is only going to make it harder for you to fully heal.”

Nico gives Beatrice a mock salute.  “Yes Ma’am.” Susie and Dogmeat walk in, I notice Dogmeat is limping a bit.  “Dogmeat, you alright buddy? You were a big help out there.” I say as I get down to his level, I notice is back leg is a little bloody.  He was close to the grenade explosion as well. Beatrice comes over, “Come on Dogmeat, let’s exam you. Hopefully you aren’t as much of a pain in the ass as Nico is.”      

“Hey, I heard that!”  

Nico waits patiently as Dogmeat is examined, giving Dogmeat lots of affection.   “You were great out there buddy, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Looks like he’s going to be okay.  The explosion did a little bit of damage but just like his owner some rest will do him good.”  

“Here that buddy, we are two tough cookies.”  

Dogmeat lets out a happy bark.  I’m standing near Susie, admiring the relationship those two have.  Nico goes to stand up and promptly loses her balance, Beatrice is able to catch her and keep her upright as Susie and I are there in an instant.   

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”  I say.

“I bet you heard that a lot recently huh Nico.”  Susie says, she can’t help but to tease us.

Nico chuckles a bit.  “I need to let the brotherhood know about the vertibird.  I don’t like it being so close to the vault, do you think we can send out a message?”

“Yes, we should be able to.  We can stop by my office and send it out.”  

“Amata, can I talk to you for a moment?”  Beatrice says before we head out.

“Sure, you two go on up.  Susie can you show Nico how to send the message.”  

“Can do boss.”  Nico, Susie, and Dogmeat all head up.  

“Is everything okay with Nico?”  I ask, usually Beatrice asks to talk to me when she suspects something may be wrong.  

“Nico will be fine as long as she rests.  I wanted to ask how you were doing. That was your first battle, I’m sure you will talk about this with Nico and Susie but I just wanted to let you know that I’m here too in case you need to talk.”  

I give the older woman a hug.  “Thank you Beatrice, not just for the offer.  For everything, taking care of Nico and Dogmeat.”    
“I’m just glad I can help.”  She says, returning the hug.   We talk for a few moments more before I head upstairs.  Nico is finishing up the message when I get there. “Okay, that should do it.  The brotherhood will know who it’s from.”

“Well I’d help get you to bed, but I think that’s Amata’s job.  She’s probably a pro at it by now.”

“You are never going to stop teasing me are you?”

“Never, you two just keep giving me material.  I should open up a comedy hall.”

“Susie, is Wally alright, he didn’t look to good out there?”  I ask.

“He’ll be alright, he just wasn’t expecting that much blood.  Speaking of which, you should get cleaned up Nico. Or you could go scare the shit out of Taylor, he’d think twice about crossing you looking like you do now.”

“Shut up.”

Susie bids us goodnight, and I help Nico clean up.  Before long we are both in bed, Nico already fast asleep.  Dogmeat is snoozing on his newly made dog bed courtesy of Stanley.  Even though I have a million things going through my head, I treasure these moments when I can watch Nico sleep.  No nightmares, or anything, she just seems at peace. I on the other hand am not quite at peace. I completely froze when I thought I was going to get shot, if I could have taken the officer down sooner then Nico wouldn’t be injured.  So many what ifs. I cuddle up as close to Nico as I can. There are so many things that need to get done but for now I take solace in Nico’s warmth.


	41. Interlude to War, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The tragedy is not that we are alone, but that we cannot be. At times I would give anything in the world to no longer be connected by anything to this universe of men. "  
> -Albert Camus, Notebooks 1951-1959

We wake up in each other’s arms, Nico still fast asleep, no doubt due to the aggravation to her concussion.   I give her a quick kiss before getting up and dressing. I enter my officer to see an incoming message: “Copy wanderer, the bird is headed to you coordinates.”  The message repeats again. This is no doubt coded in case of interception. This message was sent a little over an hour ago. Nico had told me the Citadel was not that far from here so it is possible that they could be close to our location.  As much as I’d hate to wake Nico, I’m sure she’d like to see her friends. I go in and gently shake her shoulder. After a few shakes, she mumbles something and retreats further into the pillow. I turn to Dogmeat, “A little help here?” He walks over to the end of the bed and starts licking her feet, it’s not long before her feet retreat under the covers and she’s somewhat awake.  

“Dogmeat, you know I hate when you do that.”

“Don’t be too hard on him, I needed his help to wake you.  I got a message from the Brotherhood. They said they were in route to the coordinates you sent.  That was about an hour ago so I’d think they would probably be in the area.”

She throws the covers off and tries to jump out of bed but instantly has to sit back down.  “Damn, forgot about my head.”

I come to sit beside, “Do you want me to get Beatrice?”  

“No, it’s okay, I just need rest.  I really hope Sarah is with them. I’ve been itching to get to the Citadel.  I doubt with my concussion I’ll be able to go for a while.”

I help her get dress, before we leave we grab a few more weapons and are also joined by Susie.  

“So are we finally going to meet this Sarah girl who has been worrying Amata no stop?”  Susie says as we exit the vault.

“I was not concerned about her, I was merely curious as to who Nico has made friends with.”

“Sure, Amata.”

Nico wraps her arm around my shoulder, “You’re really going to like Sarah, you two are alot alike.”

We get to the Vertibird and relieve the Wally and another guard we had stationed out here.  It’s still fairly early as it is dark enough to see the stars.

“Has it been fairly quiet out here?”  Nico asks Wally.

“Yeah, besides the far off sounds of a gunshot not too much action.  It was a little creepy hearing gunshots go off and knowing someone else is out there.”

“I think you two did really well for your first night out in the wasteland.  You do get use to the sound of gunshots. Eventually, you’ll pick up how far it is and whether you should be concerned.”  

I’m glad our guards are getting confident out here.  Wally had to beg me to let him stay out here without Susie.  My original plan was to have, Susie, Wally, and the other guard stay to guard the vertibird.  But Wally wanted to prove himself. So I agreed to it. Although I did hear Susie mention how she may sneak out and try and spook them but I don’t think she did that after all.  We get to the vertibird and only have to wait about 30 minutes before another vertibird lands. Several power armour wearers descend from the vehicle. One removes his helmet and I can tell Nico is disappointed, “Paladin Tristan...it’s good to see you again.  It’s been a while.”

They shake hands.  “We were glad to hear from you Nico.  The vertibird seems to be in great shape.  You’ll get paid accordingly. However, I come with an urgent message from Elder Lyons.  There is no easy way to say this but...Lyons’ pride has gone missing.”

It takes Nico a second to comprehend what he has said, “What?!  What do you mean missing?!” I grab ahold of Nico’s hand, this isn’t how I thought it would go.  

Paladin Tristan continues “They were sent out on an urgent mission to the north regarding Super Mutants.  As of this morning they have missed 3 communications windows. Missing 2 is cause for concern, missing 3 gets people in action.  Elder Lyons has asked that you come to the Citadel to be briefed on the situation before being deployed into the field.”

Nico runs her hand through her hair in frustration, something she has done since she was younger.  “Could it be that they are just having radio trouble, there are a lot of hills and rougher terrain up north maybe the signal is not getting through.”

“I’m afraid that isn’t the case, once the 2nd window was missed a standby team was dispatched to their last known location.  We lost all contact with them shortly after. They were able to get off a radio transmission which sounded like they were under heavy fire.”

I can see Nico clench her jaw.  I give her hand a squeeze trying to offer some reassurance.

"Okay. Let's go." She says.

"Nico, you're in no shape to go.  you could barely get out of bed this morning."  I say.

"I have to go Amata, Sarah would do the same for me."  I grab a hold of her arm and force her to face me. I can see a fire in her eyes. I know I won't be able to talk her out of this.   
"Fine. Then I'm going with you."

"Absolutely not!"

Susie jumps in, "Nico how many blows to the head is it going to take before you realize that you need to rest. I know you are worried about your friend but in your condition you'd be going on a suicide mission."

I can see that Wally who had been with some of the brotherhood members checking over the vertibird are walking this way.

Susie is standing behind Nico and is making a 'do you want me to tackle her notion'.  Paladin Tristan is watching her and Wally is watching him. "Miss. If it would help the situation we have some of the best medics in the wasteland and some of the best armour.  I can assure you that Nico will not be going in unprepared. She will also be joined by not only myself but some of the best soldiers the brotherhood has."

Again, Nico runs her hand through her hair in frustration. " We’re wasting time.  Fine, you can come with me to the citadel but that's all. I don't want you on the battlefield. "

" if it gets us in the air then I will allow for your guests to come to the citadel, but we really need to be on our way."

I turn to Wally, “Tell Gomez he’s in charge."

“Yes ma'am, but what about the election?"

I sigh. I forgot about that.  "It doesn't matter. There are more pressing matters."   With that Susie, Dogmeat, Nico and I are off to the citadel.


	42. Interlude to War, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear fearing too much, but nothing more.  
> — Sophia Carey

Once in the air, Nico asks for all the information they had on the mission.  Paladin Tristan fills us in on what happened. “A group of Super Mutants had taken a stronghold in the north where they’ve been conducting raids on local settlements.   They had taken out several of our men assigned to the water caravans. A survivor of an attack told us it was an organized super mutant group with heavy artillery. The Lyons’ Pride was dispatched to take care of the problem.  We got communication from them twice but after that...there was none. Elder Lyons dispatched the backup team to provide relief but we fear that they were shot down. We briefly got a mayday message but haven’t gotten any sort of communication since.  I along with a few others were going to dispatch to the area when we got your message. Elder Lyon had discussed sending Paladin Cross out to find you but there wasn’t any time, however, as usual your timing is perfect.”

“Who’s coming with us?” Nico asks.

“Myself, Paladin Cross, Knight Artemis, and 9 other knights and paladins.  We will also have medics nearby.” He answers.

This all sounds like a suicide mission ot me.  Even Susie looks skeptical. The rest of the flight is in silence as Nico stares off into space.  Susie and I are looking out of the windows, seeing the wasteland from this viewpoint is amazing. You can almost forget the dangers it holds.  We land at a large building which is no doubt the citadel. As soon as we exit, we are greeted by an older man, you can tell the stress of the situation has take it toll on him.  

“Nico.  I’m glad you contacted us.  I’m sure Paladin Tristan has filled you in.”  

“Yes, he has.  I promise, Elder Lyons, I’ll bring Sarah back.”

“Hearing you say that gives me some hope.  I see we have guests.”

“Yes, this is my fiance Amata Almodovar and Susie Mack.  Amata is Vault 101’s overseer and Susie is the vault trader.  Amata, Susie, this is Elder Owyn Lyons, the leader of the Brother of Steel.”

“Fiance?  Well you have been busy during your time away.  It’s a pleasure to meet you both, I only wish it was under better circumstances.”  

Once pleasantries have been exchanged we head into a meeting room, where we are shown a map of where the Lyons’ Pride was last heard from.

“Nico, I’ve been told that you have a heady injury.  Our medics are standing by to do an exam. We also have our armoury at the ready if you’d like to pick up any armour or weapons.  If it’s all right by you, the team will head out at dawn tomorrow.”

“I’ll be ready.”

“Thank you, Nico.  Once again I am in your debt.”  

Paladin Tristan steps up and explains the type of terrain and possible enemies they may encounter.  Tristan addresses Nico’s return and injuries. “As many of you know and can see Nico is back at the citadel.  We are aware that she has a...lingering injury that may come into play but she is one of the best fighters we have.  All medical and armoury items will be at her disposal. Knight Captain Durga, Sawbones, and the medical scribes will be ready to assist.  We will leave tomorrow at 05:00.”

With that we part ways with Elder Lyons and the others to head to infirmary. Nico goes to stand up but has to sit down.  She puts her head in her hands. “You okay?” Susie asks.  
“Yeah, I’m good.  Let’s head over to the scribes to see if they can help my head any.  Then we can head to the armoury to armour up.” Nico pets Dogmeat’s head as he was right next to her.  We start to head to the infirmary when Susie pulls me aside.

“Nico, I need to talk to Amata for a second, we’ll catch up with you in a bit.”  Susie says.

Nico nods at keep going.  Susie takes me aside, “Hey, so there is no way in hell that Nico is letting you go on this mission.  And to be honest, I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting you go either. So how about I go Nico to keep an eye on her.  You just had your first firefight, I really wanted to talk to you about that. Did you get a chance to talk to Nico?”

“No, I wanted to talk to her last night but with her concussion I didn’t want to worry her. I know she wanted to talk about it but she fell asleep.”  I sigh and lean against the wall. “I wouldn’t ask to go along with Nico. I know I would only be a hindrance. I appreciate you offering to go, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to go Susie.”

“I don’t mind going, when I get back though we can all talk about what happened.  Okay?”

“Sounds good, do me a favor and bring her back.”

“I will, what are maid of honours for.”

“Thank you, Susie.”

We catch up to Nico as she was talking with a scribe.  Once we catch up, Nico shows us the Citadel as we make our way to the infirmary.  It’s not long before we are greated by a young man who is probably around 12. “Nico!  It’s good to see you back in the Citadel. You’re gonna help find Sar...I mean Paladin Lyons, right?”  

Nico smiles at him, “Yes, I’m gonna find Sarah.  Amata, Susie, this is Arthur Maxson. He is descendant of the founder of the Brotherhood of Steel.  Maxson, this is my fiance, Amata, and good friend Susie, from Vault 101.” After talking for a few minutes we head to the infirmary.  

“He’s a cute kid.”  Susie remarks.

“I think he’s a little young for you Susie.”  Nico says jokingly which earns her a punch in the shoulder.  

We finally make it to the infirmary where a Mr. Handy robot, and a few of the medical scribes gives Nico a neurological exam.  They give her some med-x. As suspected, there isn’t much they can do to treat her head. “Let’s head to the armoury, so I can get a helmet, after that we can get settled.”  We head to the armoury, passing a large robot that looks like it is being rebuilt.

“This was liberty prime, it helped us to retake the Jefferson Memorial where the purifier was at.  Not long after it was destroyed by the Enclave but they are working on rebuilding it.” Nico says.  

We are greeted by Knight Captain Durga.  “Nico, I heard you were back. Is there anything you need to help bring back the pride?”    
“I could use a helmet, the best one you got.”  

“Yeah, I’ll need a helmet too.  Do you have any 5.56 bullets, I’ll need some of those too.”  Susie adds.  
“What?  Susie, you’re not coming with me.”  Nico says.

Susie grabs her by the collar, “The hell I’m not, you need someone to watch your back and make sure you get back to Amata in one piece.  I’m coming with you, that’s final.”

Nico looks like she wants to argue but she just turns back to Durga, “Get her want she wants.”    
Durga nods and goes to get the weapons and armour.  I can tell Nico is definitely not happy about Susie coming along.  As for Susie, she looks pretty smug having gotten her way. I try to break the tension, “Knight Captain Durga looks pretty tired, I wonder if everything is okay.”  

“No doubt all of the Brotherhood are on edge since the pride went missing.”  Nico responds.

It’s not long before Durga returns.  “Here you are. Try on the helmet and see how it fits.”  

Nico tries on the helmet, and makes a few adjustments.  “I think this will work. Thank you.”

“Best of luck tomorrow.”  Durga grabs Nico’s hand, “Please...bring back Sarah and the rest of the pride.”   

“I will.”  

“Thank you.”

Once we got what we needed, we move to our quarters.  “Susie, I would suggest you meet up with Paladin Tristan and Knight Artemis, they can give you a few pointers on weapons.”

“Is that necessary?”

“Yes, it is.  These aren’t some rookie Talon companies goons, they are super mutants, probably super mutant overlords.  They pack heavy artillery and damn near impossible to bring down. First time I came across one, I wasn’t left with much ammo left.  Get as many pointers as you can.”

“Alright.”  Susie says and takes off to find the others. Nico sits on the bed.  

“So what do we do now?”  I ask, sitting next to her and taking her hand in mine.  

“Now, we wait till tomorrow.”     


	43. The Non-Stop Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wish I knew how to love someone without killing myself. How to mend hearts without breaking my own. How to kiss and not create bruises.  
> \- Michelle K.

Nico and I decide to lay in bed to allow Nico to rest.  She’s fast asleep, her head on my chest. I run my hands through her hair.  I can only hope this is the last thing that will take her away from me. This, however, is the most dangerous.  Since Nico has been back, I’ve always been scared and worried whenever she leaves the vault. The same goes for Susie.  There is so much uncertainty in the wasteland. Every goodbye could be the last. Tomorrow when Nico, Susie, and Dogmeat leave, will it be the last goodbye we share?  

I don’t like this.  I don’t like being left behind as everyone else goes on.  A part of me wishes we could go back to the vault, kick old man Taylor out, and live our lives in the safety of the vault.  Traveling to Megaton from time to time to trade. But Nico would never be okay with that. She’s told me that she’s done running but that doesn’t mean that she and Susie won’t be going out into the wasteland.  There will always be more settlements that need help, people to rescue, battles to be fought. And where will I be. Locked up in the vault. I remember what Nico had said about Officer Taylor, when he helped her out of the handcuffs in the clinic.   _ What kind of life would Amata have?  Always wondering and waiting for the inevitable.   _

I didn’t see it then but I do now.  Taylor had a valid point, as much as I hate to say it.  Is this really what my life is going to be like, incredible highs and incredible lows.  Waiting for the day when Nico or Susie or both don’t come back. 

Tears are falling from my eyes as Nico snuggles into my neck.  I try to stifle my tears as to not wake Nico. I don’t want her to see me like this and worry.  Especially with an important mission tomorrow. I try to take a few deep breaths using my free hand to wipe my tears.  I keep playing with her hair and try to push these thoughts away. As much as I cherish the idea of use being married, there is a lot that we need to discuss before hand. 

A knock at the door finally pulls me away from my thoughts.  Susie and Dogmeat come in. I make a gesture to Nico indicating that she’s asleep.  “Glad I didn’t walk into anything explicit.” Susie whispers. I try to hit her but she’s out of my reach.  Susie places a tray filled with snacks on the bedside table. “Thought you two might be hungry so I grabbed a few things from the cafeteria.  Damn, Nico is really out of it huh.” 

“I think everything that’s happened in the past 48 hours has taken its toll on her.”

“And you.”

“I’m fine.”

“Oh really, is that why you’ve been crying.  Your eyes are red Amata.” 

“I’m just tired.  That’s all.”

“Amata, this is me you’re talking to.  You’ve been through a lot too. Nico coming back and her leaving, dealing with Taylor, the vote about the overseer, your first firefight.  That’s a lot to deal with in the span of a few months. You’ve been so busy dealing with Nico and all her problems, that you haven’t had any time to sit and process everything.  When Nico and I get back , we are all gonna have a sit down and hash things out. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good.”  Susie says as she gets up and ruffles my hair, “is that a gray hair I see?”  

This time she’s close enough for me to get in a good smack.  Nico stirs a bit from all the commotion but she snuggles deeper into my neck.  

“Damn, that girl can sleep.”  Susie says as she heads for the door.  “Just don’t let Nico sleep too much longer or she’ll be up all night.”

I give Susie the best mock salute that I can from my position on the bed.  Dogmeat curls up and falls asleep at the foot of the bed. I kiss Nico’s head, “We’ll sort this out.  I know we will.”


	44. Dusk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sometimes we want what we want even if we know it’s going to kill us.”  
> — Donna Tartt

After another hour, I gently start to shake Nico from her sleep.  After a few tries she finally sits up. 

“You know I was hoping this was all just a bad dream and we were back in the vault...once I get back from this mission with Sarah though we’ll have all the time in the world.  And maybe I can actually heal up.” She says as she grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. I want desperately to believe her but I know that it’s not true, but we will deal with that later.  I give her a kiss on the head, “I’m looking forward to that. Did you sleep well?”

“I did, how long was I out for?”

“A few hours, Susie dropped by and brought some snacks.  She also said not to let you sleep too much longer.” “She’s right about that.  Don’t want to be up all night. Right, Dogmeat?” 

Dogmeat is up and wagging his tail.  “How about we go meet up with Susie and get something to eat.”  I say. Nico gets up, gives me a kiss, and leads me out the door.  

We meet up with Susie and head to the dining hall.  Throughout dinner, Nico is giving Susie tips on what to expect when they go out.  Susie for her part is listening attentively. This isn’t going to be like anything Susie has gone up against.  I can tell she’s nervous. The night before she left the vault, she went over all of the info we had on the wasteland.  After she had practically memorized the info, she paced the walls until she finally went off to bed. I’m sure the same will happen tonight.  I hope she’s able to rest, she’s going to need it for tomorrow. After dinner, I watch as Nico and Susie clean their weapons. Once again, I feel like I’m on the outside looking in.  I’m not a fighter, even when I was little I always being rescued by Nico. But even though I had Nico back then, I was still an outsider. The others didn’t like me because I was the overseer’s daughter and thought I got special treatment because of that.  I’m drawn out of my thoughts by Susie standing up. “Well I’m going to head to bed, we’ve got an early morning. Do you know where we are meeting up tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, we are meeting up tomorrow in front of the armoury.”     
“Okay, do you have those notes from the meeting today.  I just want to go over them once more.” 

“They’re on the bedside table.”  

After grabbing the notes, Susie asks Dogmeat if he wants to come with her.  Dogmeat gives out a happy yelp and follows her out the door. 

“ Traitor.”  Nico yells after him.  I get up and run my hands through her hair.

“We better get to bed as well, you need your rest.”  I say.

“You’re right.  Even though I took that nap earlier, I’m still pretty tired.”  She responds. 

“You still need a lot of rest…” I say.

Nico sighs, “I know, I know.  After this mission, I promise I’ll rest.”  She finishes cleaning her sniper rifle and gets up walking over to me and cupping my face in her hands. 

“Hey, you okay?”  She asks.

“Yeah, I’m okay.  Just worried about you and Susie.”

“Don’t forget Dogmeat.”

“Of course not, He’s the one I’m worried about the most.”  I say teasingly. I put my forehead against hers’ and start playing with the hem of her shirt.  After a few minutes of just being near each other, I step back and take her shirt off.    
“Amata…”

“Shhh, no more talking.”  

I kiss her as hard as I can.  As much as I don’t want to admit it, this could very well be the last night we spend together.  Two highly trained teams have gone off to try and dispatch whatever this menace is and both have not come back.  Nico keeps saying “After this mission,” but there may not be an after. I guide her to the bed and gently push her down before laying down on top of her.  I make quick work of our clothes, my hand travels south and rewarded for my efforts when Nico inhales quickly. While my hand brings Nico to the peak of ecstasy, my mouth is busy leaving hickies wherever I can reach.  It’s not long before Nico cries out, I quickly cover her mouth with mine to silence the noise even though I would love to hear it louder. Considering where we are, I don’t know how thick these walls are. 

Nico nuzzles my neck, before flipping us over.  Before she can kiss me, I pull back, “You always keep your promises right?”  

She looks confused, “Well, I definitely try.”   
I hold up my left hand, “See this engagement ring, this is your promise to me that we’ll have a life together.”   
She grabs my hand and gives it a kiss, “Amata…”   
“No, you don’t get to do that.  You promised me. I plan on holding you to that promise.  You get yourself, and Susie and Dogmeat back to me.”   
“I promise.  I’ll get them back to you.”

“And you.  You come back to me too.”

“...I promise.  I’ll come back. We have to plan our wedding after all.”   
  
“We have a lot to talk about when you get back, about the wedding I mean.”     
She looks at me as if trying to piece together a puzzle, “Are you sure there isn’t anything you want to talk about now?  Something on your mind?”

“Nothing that can’t wait until  you get back, now like I said earlier, no more talking.”

Nico smiles before kissing me.  She continues to kiss down my body, only stopping her downward trek to leave love bites on my skin.   I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out, my hands in her hair, my back arching. God, how I love this woman.  No matter her flaws, we fit together so perfectly. 

We lay together afterwards, enjoying the warmth of each other’s body.  Fall is starting to set in, which makes for great cuddling weather. 

“Hey...I want to see you all off tomorrow so make sure you wake me up, alright?”  I say, to a sleepy Nico.   
“Of course, wouldn’t have it any other way.”

With that, one dreams of what their life will be like in the future, the other lying awake thinking...just thinking.   


	45. Rage of Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So here’s my question: when you lose the most important person to you in the entire world, where is all the love – love you never even knew you were capable of – supposed to go?  
> — Ted Michael

I’m sitting outside, in the courtyard of the Citadel watching as some of the younger brotherhood of steel are training.  Susie among them. I’m still trying to process all that has happened since the wee hours of this morning. This time alone has given me some time to calm down and think.  I was sleeping wonderfully when a thunderous knock woke me. A quick glance at my pipboy showed that it was almost 4am. Nico wasn’t in bed so she may have already gotten up to get ready for the mission.  I hastily get dressed and open the door to find a pissed off Susie.    
“That rat bastard!  They left already! I swear to God when Nico gets back I’m gonna kill her myself.”  Susie rages as she bursts through the door. Considering I had just woken up from a deep sleep my mind was frantically trying to process what Susie was saying.   

“Wait, wait.  Nico and others can’t be gone, she said they would leave at 5.  It’s not even 4 yet.” 

“Well I’ve looked all over and Nico and the others aren’t here anymore.  Finally tracked down Rothchild and he said that they had left over an hour ago!”  

Now my head is spinning.  No, Nico wouldn’t just leave like that, I thought things were changing.  

“Rothchild said to find Elder Lyons, he should be in the meeting room.  Thought you’d want to come along. I can’t fucking believe she would do this…”  

“Maybe….Maybe something came up”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Amata.  You don’t even believe it yourshelf.” 

I’m sure Susie can read me like a book.  She’s right, I don’t even believe what I’m saying.  

“Let’s go find Lyons.”  Is all I can muster as I follow a livid Susie out the door.  As we are walking towards the meeting room, I notice we are missing someone else.  “I take it Dogmeat is gone as well?”

“That little traitor?  Yeah, he’s gone too. He was fast asleep in my room when I finally fell asleep.  Nico must have called him. Least he could have done was let out a bark or a yelp, something to let me know something was up.  But he’s loyal to Nico.” 

 The door to the meeting room is closed but not for long as Susie damn near rips the door off the handles causing Elder Lyons to jump and a few of the guards to draw their weapons.  “Someone better tell me what the hell is going on! Why did the others leave early?!” 

“Susie...Why don’t you let Elder Lyons explain.”  I say putting a hand on Susie’s shoulder. I’m using my official overseer persona, to keep from falling apart.  

“Thank you, Amata.  I’m sure you both want answers and to be honest with you, I don’t have them.  Nico came to me about two hours ago and said the team should leave as soon as possible.  I was shocked but overall happy as I want the pride and any of the brotherhood members back as soon as possible.  I gave the orders to assemble the team but Nico was clear that Susie was not to come with us. I’m not sure her reasoning behind this but she was adamant in her stance.  I wasn’t going to argue with her but agreed. Before getting into the vertibird she gave me two letters, one addressed to each of you. I hope you can find the answers to any questions you may have in here.”  

He hands Susie and I the letters addressed to us.  “I will be in the lab with Rothchild if you both need anything.  You are both welcome to join us there to monitor the mission. I’ve given you both full access to the citadel.”          
With that, he leaves followed by the guards.  I sit down at the table holding the letter with Nico’s handwriting in my shaking hands.  Susie rips into hers while muttering something about she better have a damn good reason. She moves to the far corner of the room to read her letter, her back to me.  I look down at the letter.  _ Another letter.   _ I can’t bring myself to open it, dreading what’s inside.  The last letter I got from Nico was one that was supposed to be a final goodbye.   _ Is that what this is, Nico?   Another goodbye. What about your promise to me?   _

I don’t know how long I’ve been staring at the letter, when Susie crumples hers into a ball, throws it against the wall, and storms out.  I try to call out to her but she’s out the door.  _ Were those tears in her eyes? _

After a deep breath, I finally open the letter.

  
Amata,   
I know what you’re thinking.  “How could she do this to me again.  Another damn letter.” But I promise this letter isn’t like the last one.  I’m sure Susie is on a rampage right now but I’m gonna try to explain why I made the decision to leave early and without Susie.  I left a letter for Susie, but I have a feeling she’ll rip it up before she reads it so if she does I have to ask you to again apologize to Susie for me.  Let me make something clear first, I’m gonna fight like hell to get back to you. I made you a promise that I plan on keeping. I know we have a lot to talk about when I get back and I’m going to listen no matter what.  I feel like I’ve been terrible to you over since I’ve been back, and that’s not fair to you. It’s so unfair to you. 

Now about the reason I left early and didn’t tell you or Susie.  To be blunt, I couldn’t bare to say goodbye to you. If you had asked me not to go, I wouldn’t have gone but I have to.  I have to force myself to and get Sarah. The reason why I have to and the reason why I couldn’t let Susie come with us is that I know how valuable it is to have a friend in the wasteland.  You and Susie are probably as close as Sarah and I are. Susie is too important to you, God forbid something happens to me, you are going to need her. This world is cruel but it’s a little less cruel when you have a friend with you, out of all the lessons the wasteland has taught me this is probably the most important.  I even hesitated bringing Dogmeat along, he’s been with me through the worst. But he’s a valuable assist on a mission like this. I’m coming back, Amata. When I do, you can talk and I’ll listen. That’s if Susie doesn’t kill me first. Joking, that’s a joke. At least I hope. 

I love you Amata, with all of my being I love you.  

Nico

 

I put the letter down, and put my head in my hands.  A sob breaks through.  _ Damn it Nico!   _ As much as I want to hate her for doing this I just can’t.  After a few more sobs, I try to compose myself. Susie’s crumpled letter is on the floor.  I know I should ask Susie if I can read it first, but I want to know what Nico wrote to Susie.  I pick it up and return to my seat. 

 

Susie,   
If you haven’t torn, burned, or thrown a plasma grenade at this letter than I hope you’ll let me explain why we left without you.  It’s pretty simple actually, you are too important to risk. I’m being completely selfish here, but if something happens to me, I need you to help get Amata through it.  I’m not gonna lie, I’m scared to go on this mission Suze. I have so much to lose. If you’re doubting your combat skills then don’t, that was not a factor in why I didn’t want you with us.  Getting training from me, the rangers, and the brotherhood, Susie you’re gonna be a hell of a combat fighter. Whatever happens with the vault, I know you will be able to take care of Amata. She can take care of herself, I have no doubt about that.  But this world is cruel, you’ll need each other to get through. Also Dogmeat was pissed at me. He kept growling at me before we left. Little traitor, I think he favors you now. I hated bringing him along but I’m gonna need him to help compensate for my head injury.  

Susie, if something happens to me out there, help Amata to move on.  I want her to live a full life, not be caught up on me. After all I’ve put her through, she deserves the best.  I just want to let you know that seeing you in Megaton that day was one of the best days I’ve ever had in the wasteland Susie.  After everything that happened during the rebellion I was happy that we were able to be on friendly terms. So seeing you in Megaton, I don’t know it gave me hope which is something I had been severely lacking.  Hope that all was well with the vault and with Amata. Don’t think I didn’t catch on to your not so subtle hints about Amata, gotta admit that week that I spent showing you around was one I’ll never forget. I actually had fun.  I know I should have told you this before but I just couldn’t. I’m gonna fight like hell to get back to you guys, so please watch over Amata until I get back. 

When I get back I’ll totally let you get a free shot in (as long as you don’t aim for my head), I know I deserve it.  

Nico

The sobs are back but I don’t try and hold them back.  I think these sobs have been a long time coming. I think it's been over an hour before I can finally leave the meeting room.  I head out and try to find Susie. The Citadel is on high alert with some of its best fighters gone on a mission. I finally find Susie in the courtyard pummeling some poor brotherhood recruit.  

"Susie.  Please don't kill this kid.  He's not the one you're angry with."  I say exhausted, the sun is just starting to rise yet I feel like I’ve been up for days.

Susie looks at me before nodding her head at the poor kid who limps off.  I lead us over to a bench. I hand Susie her letter. 

"Did you read it?"  she asks.

I nod my head. "I'm sorry. I know I should have asked.  You can read mine if you want." I hand over my letter which Susie reads in silence.  After a bit she hands it back to me, "glad there wasn't anything explicit in there." I roll my eyes before letting out a small laugh.

"Amata, how are you not furious?  I was beating the hell out of that poor kid imagining that it was Nico.  I understand why she left me behind but I can't help be pissed at her." she says as she picks up a rock and throws it.

"Susie.  I'm furious.  I don't think I've ever been this mad at her.  Not even when she pulled that amnesia crap on me when she first woke up back in the vault.  I don't whether to curse her name, pray for her safety, or commander a vertibird and hunt her down myself.  I was sleeping so well last night, the best sleep that I've gotten the best couple of nights. I was at peace with this whole thing.  I understand why Nico is so determined to get her friend back. But the way she left... damn it! I want to ring her neck! I had planned how I was going to handle saying goodbye to her and I didn't get a chance to do that.  we talked a little last night but still... "

" I didn't get  chance to say goodbye to Dogmeat either."  Susie says dejected. 

We both sit in silence for a good 30 minutes before I finally speak up.  " Come on. Why don't we go see if there is any update on the mission." We both head inside, equally pissed off and heartbroken. 

  
  



	46. Finding My Own Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you—I do—but I am afraid of making that love too important. Because you’re always going to leave me. We can’t deny it. You’re always going to leave.  
> David Levithan

_ I’m tired.  So so tired.   _ I sit out in the courtyard watching as Susie practices her shooting.  I know I should be as well, it was very generous of Elder Lyons to give us access to everything in the Citadel.  It’s only mid day but I feel like its been years since everything that happened this morning. We learned from Elder Lyons and Rothchild that they landed safely.  They also told us that Nico had insisted they stop at Underworld to pick up two of her friends, Charon and Fawkes, a ghoul and supermutant. That has helped put my mind at ease a little knowing that Nico has two people that she can trust with her, besides Dogmeat of course.  I’m still furious at her though. I want her back safely just so I can ring her neck myself. Susie has been walking around in a blind rage at being left behind but I also think she is somewhat relieved. I think reading Nico’s note really struck a chord in her. Besides Nico, she is the closest that I have to family in this world and if something were to happen to both of them...I don’t even want to imagine a world without either of them.  Susie had mentioned something about visiting Rivet City to get her mind off everything. I remember her saying something about also wanting to give Butch a heart attack. I would like to see Butch as well but I should remain here in case there is news. Butch wasn’t so bad in the months after the rebellion. Thank God, his plan of trying to blow up the reactor never succeeded. I remember when he came storming in my office saying he wanted out the vault.  I think he was shocked when I agreed to open the vault and let him go out if that is what he really wanted. He had practically collapsed in the chair across from me, not sure if in relief or shock, but I remember he actually started crying. He was so relieved with the chance of getting out of the vault that he cried. Of course, he said he would make me regret it if I ever told anyone that he had cried especially if I told Susie but I assured him that I wouldn’t tell a soul.  I gave him the info on Megaton as well as anything I could remember from Nico’s short return during the rebellion that could possibly help him survive. The day he left I told him he was always welcome to come back, no matter what. I could tell he was nervous, underneath that tunnel snake facade he was actually a nice guy, he gave me a hug and said that he was gonna make it big out there. Just before I closed the vault door he turned around and told me that if he saw Nico out there that he would tell her to come home.  I wanted to tell him that I don’t think she considers this place home and would ever come back but all I could muster was a small smile and a thank you. 

 

I’m brought out of my thoughts by Susie, she tells me that there’s a group of brotherhood soldiers who are going to Rivet City and that she’s going to go with them.  I wish her the best and tell her that if there is any update I’d have the brotherhood radio her at Rivet City. I think it will be good to spend some time apart. I see Susie and the other leave but I’m still rooted to my spot on the bench.  I don’t know what to do with myself, and I think there in lies the problem. Things are changing in the vault and I honestly don’t know if I’ll be the one leading the vault, from my understanding a good portion of the vault is on my side but there are still those who aren’t completely happy with everything that has been happening.   There is a real possibility that I may return to the vault not as the overseer. It’s only been what three days since we left the vault, so in two days the vault will make its decision on not only leadership but whether to allow the residents of Andale to live in the vault. With everything that is happening I almost forgot about them.   

 

I get up and head over to the range.  I need something to distract myself. Unfortunately, my distraction extends to the range as I am absolute shit.   “Wow, you are absolute shit.” I turn around to see Knight Captain Durga behind me. “I know, I’m distracted. It’s been a stressful past couple of days.”  “If you’d like I give you some pointers.” I take her up on her offer and spend nearly two hours practicing my shooting. I’m reminded when Nico took me outside of Megaton and taught me how to shoot.  What I wouldn’t give to go back to that time. Afterwards we head in to grab something to eat, it’s early evening when we get to the cafeteria area. “I really appreciate you taking the time to help me, Nico taught me how to shoot but I haven’t had much practice.  I wish I did have more time to practice, if I had been a better shot maybe Nico wouldn’t have gotten injured again.” 

“You can’t think like that out here.  Thoughts like that will eat you alive.”     
“You’re right.”  

We sit in silence, both of us staring at the plates in front of us.  

“You know for the longest time I couldn’t stand Nico.  Everyone treated her like she walked on water. Whenever she would come to the armoury I treated her like crap.  To tell you the truth I was jealous of her, she was able to go out into the wasteland. I’d rather be out there on missions using the these weapons instead cataloging them.”

Durga yawns and looks fairly tired.  

“You okay?”

“Oh I’m fine… just tired.  Haven’t gotten much sleep since the Lyon’s pride went out on their mission.”   
“Everyone around here seems distracted.”

“The Lyon’s pride are some of the best fighters we have.  I can’t imagine what enemy they are facing that could possible get the jump on them.  I really hope Nico finds them…”

I can’t help but sense a bit of longing.  “Is there someone special on Lyon’s pride?”

Durga blushes and stutters, “I...well...no...I mean.  Kinda of.”    
I reach across the table and take her hand in mine.  “I know Nico, she’ll do everything she can to bring them all back.”  

“I hope you’re right.” 

“Thank you again for the lesson and for joining me for dinner.  I’ll let you get back to the armoury.”    
“Amata, if you hear anything will you let me know.  Elder Lyons doesn’t want too much information getting out.”   
“Of course, it’s the least I can do.”

With that I make my way back to the laboratory to see if there is any news.  I see Rothchild near a giant monitor and make my way towards him. 

“Has there been any update?”  

“We’ve had very limited contact with them since they’ve landed, the terrain is causing radio problems.  But I think they may be something else at hand, our enemy may have gotten their hands on some old radio jamming equipment which is only worsening the problem.  The extraction team reported back that as they neared the area their radios began to mess up. They are currently trying to set up a outpost in hope that we can establish radio contact with Nico and the rest of the team.  From what I can tell they are in a series of caves, but how deep they are I’m unable to tell.” 

I sigh, I was hoping for a little more but I’ll take what I can get.  “Thank you Rothchild.” He gives me a brief nod as I make my way to the armoury but to my dismay Durga isn’t here.  I walk around the citadel trying to find her, eventually I found myself back outside. By this time, it’s dark and the stars are shining brightly.  I’m still amazed with the beauty of the night sky. My earlier thoughts returning but this time clearer. I need to find my way. My own way. Not attached to the vault or to Nico for that matter.  I feel like my whole life has been out of my control but not anymore. I can’t keep letting others control my life. No matter what happens with the vault or even with Nico, I’ll pick myself up and make my own way with this life.  I’m not going to be following Nico, I’m going to stand beside her. We’ll stand by each other.

 


	47. Revealing Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " Old stories are like old friends… You have to visit them from time to time. "
> 
> George R.R. Martin, A Storm of Swords

After checking in with Rothchild, I head outside but it's not long before I'm joined by Durga.  “Any news?” 

“No, limited contact because of the terrain.  They are trying to set up an outpost to establish better communication.”  

We sit in silence for a bit before I ask, “Do you mind if I ask who’s special to you on the Lyon’s pride?”

Durga blushes so deeply that I can see it even though it’s dark.  “Well...actually it’s Paladin Lyons. We started dating about 2 months ago.  Elder Lyons knows about us. Sarah didn’t want to keep us a secret. I think he’s happy about it, at least I’m brotherhood.  To be honest, that’s another reason why I hated Nico when she first showed up. I had a crush on Sarah for so long, and then here comes this kid from the wasteland and everyone is fawning over here like she’s the second coming of Christ.  Even Sarah was taken with her. I was so jealous of her, so I treated her like how most brotherhood treat outsiders. After everything happened with the purifier and Adams air force base, things started to change. Nico still came around, not as often though.  I think something happened between the two of them, Nico and Sarah I mean, they were still close but I don’t know there was a distance between them. Well about two months ago, I finally got up the courage to ask Sarah out and she said yes. Things have been going really well between us.  This is the first mission that Sarah has been out on since we’ve been together, I knew I was going to be worried but when we lost all radio contact and then we lost contact with the second team. I felt like I couldn’t breath. I still feel like that, not knowing what’s going on.”

“I know the feeling.  I have to admit as well that when Nico came back to the vault, she kept talking about this Sarah person.  I was out of my mind jealous. I kept wanting to ask who she was and who she was to Nico but I didn’t want to come across like that.  I felt threatened by someone I’ve never met. When Nico heard that Sarah and the rest of the Lyons’ pride was missing, she agreed to help no questions asked.  Nico’s told me that her relationship with Sarah is similar to mine and Susie’s, like family. But I’m still looking forward to meeting the person my fiance won’t shut up about.”

“I’m sure Sarah is going to be curious as to who was finally able to get Nico to settle down.”

We share a laugh.  

“Well I better get back inside, thank you for keeping me updated.”

“Of course, if I hear anything I’ll let you know.”

“Thank you.”

Durga walks inside the Citadel while I gaze at the stars.  I’m really looking forward to meeting this Sarah Lyons. I know Nico will do everything in her power to bring her and the rest of the pride back.    

 

It’s not long before Susie and a few Brotherhood members come through the front gates.  Susie comes running up to me, “Have you anything yet?” 

“No, I’m afraid not.  Rothchild says the terrain is causing the radio infrequency.  But they are trying to set up some sort of radio outpost to help with that.  How was Rivet City? Did you get a chance to see Butch?” 

“Yeah, Rivet City is pretty nice.  A lot of traders are there, I think we can establish some good ties with them.  Hey why don’t you come outside?”

“Susie, We’re already outside.”

“That’s not what I meant, I mean outside of the gate.”

“Why?”

“Will you just come already!”

“Alright, alright.”

We both head to the front gate as soon as I head through the gate I’m greeted with a familiar face.  

“Hey Amata, lookin good!” 

I can’t help but smile, “Hey Butch, it’s good to see you.”  

He gives me a hug.  It really is good to see him again.  

“Why don’t you tell these suits of armour to ease up and let me inside so we can catch up?”

Paladin Bael is there guarding the front gates, he sighs before saying, “I’ll see if Elder Lyons is okay with this.”  He turns to the intercom and radios for Lyons. 

“So Susie has been filling me on everything, glad to hear that you and Nico finally jumped each others bones.”

“Susie!”

“What, oh come on.  Everyone pretty much knows.”  

“Ol Butch knew that you two were meant to be.  That’s why I was always so hard on you guys, I was just trying to stoke the fires of desire.” 

I don’t think I’ve ever rolled my eyes as hard as I just did.  Now what the hell has been going on in the Vault? Do I need to go raise a little Tunnel Snake hell in there?”

Before I can answer, Paladin Bael interrupts, “Elder Lyons is okay with your guest coming in as long as he stays in the court yard, because it’s already night he can sleep with the other grunts.”  

We head back inside, Butch giving Paladin Bael a mock salute as he goes.  

“About the vault, it’s nothing that I can’t handle.  Officer Taylor causing trouble is nothing new. And no matter what happens, whether I’m still the overseer when we get back, I’ll be fine.  Nico and I will be just fine.” 

We sit at a picnic table in the yard, Butch looks rather serious when he speaks again, “Suze told me about this mission Nico is on, said she left in the middle of the night so Suze couldn’t go with.  That’s not surprising, I traveled around with her for a bit.” He grabs my hand, “She’ll come back Amata. I don’t think there is anything in this wasteland that could kill her. When we traveled together she was always making sure I didn’t get in over my head.  She and Dogmeat would put themselves between me and whatever enemy we ran across. She was good like that, a bit too much of a goodie two shoes for me. I got a reputation I gotta uphold so I told her that we couldn’t travel together anymore but I’d give her a haircut for free anytime she needed it.”

Susie rolls her eyes.  

“Nah, but see I didn’t want her to do that for me.  She’s got a heavy burden she carries with her. Maybe that’s changed since everything between you and her, and her being back in the vault, I sure hope it has.  She didn’t need me dragging her down. She came by whenever she was in the area. Everytime she came by, there was like, I don’t know, like a cloud of darkness around her.”  He says waving his arms around. “The last time I saw her, she said she was going to head straight north from Rivet City and see where she ended up. Guess she went back to Megaton after a while and met up with you huh Suze.  Anyways, I’m glad she found her way back to you. I know she’ll come back from this mission, even if she has to walk all the way back. Girl can move pretty fast, the first time we travelled together I swear I had to jog to keep up with her.”

“Me too!  We left Megaton, and she was moving!  I mean damn! Like I had to practically run and she was just walking casually, like she was out for a stroll.”

This reminds me of old times.  After I become overseer, and before Butch left the vault we all started to hang out together whenever I could get away the office.  Come to think of it that’s when Freddie and Wally starting hanging out with us as well. I guess after everything that had happened we all just came together.  

“Earth to Amata, come in Amata!”

“I’m sorry what did you say.”

Butch taps my nose with his finger, “I said do you need me to make my grand entrance back in Vault 101 and vote for you.  Cause I’ll do it. I mean after everything you and Nico have done for me, it’s the least I can do.”

“Thank you Butch, but I don’t think that’s necessary.  I was thinking that ever since Nico has been back, I’ve pretty much just been following her lead but no more.  No matter what happens with the vault, I’m going to forge my own path in this world. Nico and I are going to get through this world standing side by side, not me standing behind her.”

“Hell yeah, that’s the leader of the rebel cause!”  Butch says. 

“Glad you came to that conclusion yourself, I didn’t want to have to beat it into you.  But I would have if necessary.” Susie says. 

We all talk for a little while longer before I look at my pipboy and notice it’s almost midnight.  We decide to call it a night, Susie and I are going to see if there is any news as Butch head over to the outside barracks, all while complaining that his place at Rivet City is way nicer.  In the lab, Rothchild reports that there still isn’t any contact with Nico and the others but they have been getting some garbled radio noise. Hopefully something comes out of that. I head over to Durga’s quarters to tell her and promise I’ll update her whenever I hear anything.  As we get to our rooms, Susie and I bid goodnight to each other.

“Hey Susie?”

“Yeah?”

“She’s gonna come back, right?”

“Yeah, she’s gonna come home.  I know she will.” 


	48. The War Comes Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> each lover has a theory of his own  
>  about the difference between the ache  
>  of being with his love, & being alone. 
> 
> W.H. Auden, “Alone“

I’m awakened by sharp knocks at the door.  Thinking that something has happened I am instantly up and at the door.   Knight Captain Durga is before me, “They’re on their way back. I heard from one of the Elder’s guards.  I don’t know what condition they are in but all I know is that they are on their way back and should be back within the hour.”  I look at my pipboy, it’s nearly 4am. “Thank you Durga, I’ll let Susie and Butch know. We’ll meet you in the courtyard.” I quickly leave to wake Susie.  Her door isn’t locked so I barge right in, of course Susie is startled and grabs a knife. “God, I’m sorry Susie. Durga was just at my door, they are on their way back.  She doesn’t know anything about Nico’s condition or anyone else’s but they are coming back.” Susie stumbles out of bed, she runs her hand over her face. “Sorry about the knife, something I picked up when I was out in the wasteland…”   I remember when Nico woke up in her house in Megaton and I barged in, she went scrambling for a gun.  _  I guess being out in the wasteland will do that to someone.   _  “I’m going to find Elder Lyons. Can you go wake up Butch and let him know?  I told Durga that I would get you both and meet you in the courtyard, especially since Butch isn’t allowed in the Citadel.”  “Gotcha, I’ll get him and wait for you there. I told you Nico was going to come back.” I try to be optimistic but there is a pit in my stomach and a nagging in my head that won’t let me celebrate in her coming back.  

 

I quickly finish getting dressed and head out to try and find Lyons. It’s not long before I find him along with Rothchild in a conference room.  The guards at the door are proving to be difficult and won’t let me in. “Elder Lyons!” I yell. He motions me in, and I take a seat next to him.  “I heard they are on their way back.” He nods, “Yes, they are.” “Do you have any information about their condition? are you able to get in touch with the vertibird?”   His silence is unnerving. 

“Miss Almodovar...All I know is that they are coming back.  I wish and pray that I had more information for us both but the only transmission we received was from Paladin Cross saying that they were on their way back before it was cut off.  From what I’ve been told from the scribes the range of that message indicated that they were about an hour away. I’ve not sure why we haven't’ been able to contact them since. It could be that their radio is damaged but I have no answers.”  I look at Elder Lyons and see someone who seems to have aged a hundred years overnight. He looks so incredibly tired. I’m sure I look no better, I’ve been so worried about Nico. I don’t know what to say in this moment. The only thing I can do is take his hand in mind, trying to offer some comfort.  He places his other hand over mind and looks at me with a sense of understanding, in this moment, we are just two people worried over the condition of the ones we love. 

 

Eventually, we all head out to courtyard to await the vertibird.  By this time the whole Citadel is a buzz with what is going on. The medical scribes are standing by.  Butch and Susie are next to me. Butch keeps going on about how he knows Nico is probably piloting the vertibird herself, no matter what condition the damn thing is in.  I know Susie can sense I on edge I am, she merely grabs my hand and gives it a long squeeze. It seems like hours but is probably little over one when a lone vertibird comes into view.  Of course, there are also guards present just in case. Before it lands Elder Lyons’ gives the order that medical personnel will be the first in, all aboard will be taken to the infirmary.  

 

What takes places is a blur, I see Paladin Cross open the side door and frantically motions for the medical scribes who are running towards the vehicle.  They practically jump into the vertibird, I can see them working frantically.  _ Why was there only one vertibird?  Where are the others? _  It’s not long before two stretchers are brought out and are rushed in side.  Neither Durga, Susie, or I could tell who was on the stretch. Butch was trying to use his height to an advantage but couldn't’ see anything.  He thinks he saw dark hair but couldn’t tell. I saw Elder Lyons trying to see over the scribes, of course why wouldn’t he, his daughter could be the one they are attending.  I see a medic scribe with Dogmeat, who is being carried out of the vertibird. It looks like one of his paws is bandaged. I’m want to rush in to the infirmary but before I can, Paladin Cross limps over to Elder Lyons.   “Sir, would you like the mission report?” I’m sure he would like to know but has to think about the people he commands. “I would. But that can wait until you are treated by the scribes.” “Thank you sir, but that isn’t necessary.  I can debrief you on the state of Nico and Paladin Lyons. Shall we head inside.” We all head inside, no one tries to stop Butch as he follows us in. We are in the Lyons’ den for the debriefing.

 

Paladin Cross sits down and is attended by the a medical scribe as she recounts the mission.   “After landing we came under heavy fire, but were able to make our way through to the underground caves.  Because of the terrain and a possible radio frequency jammer we were unable to contact the citadel. It was only after we were on our way back did we see the brotherhood radio outpost.  Nico led the way through the caves, she was determined to find Sentinel Lyons. Fawkes and Charon, the two we stopped to pick up at Underworld were right behind her. The cave system was expansive.  The entire way we faced heavy resistance. Super mutant overlords with heavy guns, there were so many of them. We finally found where they were holding the pride...it is with a heavy heart that I must  report that several of the Lyons’ pride were KIA. We found Sentinel Lyons. She was being kept as a hostage, her injuries are severe though. We grabbed her and the remaining pride and were making our way out of the caves when we were pinned down by the super mutants.        

 

Out of all the pride, Sentinel Lyons was the most injured.  I’m afraid she may have been tortured...we were almost out of the caves when we came under the most intense fire that we had faced.  It was also during this time when the bulk of our injuries occured. There was a break in the shooting when we attempted to break through.  It was during this time that Nico was critically injured.” My heart just about stopped at this statement. Paladin Cross continues, “She was stabbed twice, once in the back and once in the side by what I believe was a super mutant.  But it was unlike any super mutant I’ve ever seen. It’s skins was an almost blueish colour and it was using stealth boy. There were four of these blueish super mutants which we believe were the leaders of this group of super mutants.  All of these super mutants were using stealth boys. Even though Nico was as injured as she was she was still able to fight. We all sustained injuries but after a lengthy battle we were able to dispose of the leaders and make our way out.  It was decided by Paladin Tristan, Knight Artemis, and myself that the most injured, in this case Nico and Sentinel Lyons, were to be the first out of the combat area. Nico tried to object but she was at this point losing too much blood, sentinel lyons was unconscious for most of the time, there were several moments when she came too.  The other members of Lyons pride were still able to fight but they would be the next ones out. It was decided that I would accompany Nico and Sentinel Lyons, once we were able to get a hold of the recovery team we had the other vertibird lay covering fire while one landed and we were able to get on board. From what Paladin Tristan and Knight Artemis had discussed they would try to take down most of the super mutant overlords.  While we were injured, we still had all of the team we had left with. The medics on board started treating Nico and Sentinel Lyons, we were about 20 minutes out when both Nico and Sentinel Lyons’ condition both deteriorated. We simply didn’t have the equipment necessary to stabilize them but the medics did what they could to keep them with us until we landed. I can only pray we got them here in time. Just as we were about to land, I got a transmission from Knight Artemis, they were preparing to send out the rest of the pride on a second vertibird.”

I can see Elder Lyons clench his jaw.  I’m barely holding it together myself. Elder Lyons clears his throat, “Thank you Paladin Cross.  Your continued service to the brotherhood is always appreciated it. Miss Almodovar and I will go to the infirmary and check on the status of the patients.  I know you would all like to accompany us but please allow the medical team to work. We will update you when we know something.” I’m still deep in my thoughts when Susie gives me a bump with her elbow that gets me out of my seat and following Elder Lyons.  We walk in silence until we get to the infirmary, both of us hesitant we walk through the doors. After a moment to steel ourselves to whatever may lie ahead, we open the door to a flurry of activity. There are still several medics surround one of the stretchers.  One of the medics stops and approaches us, “Elder Lyons, I can give you a quick update but I need to be getting back. Both Nico and Sentinel Lyons came in with life threatening injuries, Nico worse off than Sentinel Lyons. Nico is currently undergoing surgery, from my understanding it is touch and go.  Sentinel Lyons has severe injuries throughout, internal bleeding, concussion, torn ligaments, we are preparing her now for surgery. We are going to try and stop the internal bleeding, that is currently our main focus for her. Gaining control of the bleeding is also the concern for Nico, the stab wounds were deep and she has lost a lot of blood but we have the best surgeons working on her.  I’ll try and get you both an update when I can but I really must get back.” “Yes, of course, thank you. From my understanding a second vertibird should be heading back soon with the other member of lyons’ pride.” “Of course, we will have medics standing by.” 

 

Elder Lyons and I exit the infirmary to let the medics work.  She’s alive, that’s what is important. I lean against the wall and try to stop the spinning in my head.  I feel a firm hand on my shoulder. I turn to find Elder Lyons, “They are both incredibly strong as well as stubborn.  I have no doubt that they will make it through this.” I place my hand on top of his, if it’s possible it seems as if he has aged even more from when I saw his this morning.  “I can only pray that you’re right. I’m going to go tell the others.” “Of course, they should know.” 

I was about to walk away when I hear Dogmeat barking, I rush back into the infirmary to see one of the medics attending to his leg.  “Dogmeat! Hey boy.” I run a hand over his head. He whimpers a little as he places his head in my hand. “You brought her back boy, I knew you would.  Susie is pretty pissed at you, calling you a traitor for not alerting her that Nico was leaving. But I think once she sees you, she’ll forgive you.” He barks in agreement.  I sigh, “I’m gonna go tell the others, I’ll see if they will let Susie come and visit.” I give him a kiss on head before leaving. I walk out the door and make it down the hallway before I just have to lean on the wall for support and have a moment to myself.   _ “And what about Amata?  She’ll always be worried about you.  What kind of life would that be for her?” _


	49. Overcoming Obstacles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is not always roses, honey, and tea. Sometimes it is difficult being you, and sometimes it is difficult being me. And in the night if we are restless and our love stuggles to make sense, know that I will fight for us. Because I love you, and I know that you love me.”
> 
> \- Day 376
> 
> Pillow Thoughts- Courtney Peppernell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are in the end game now. Wow, totally didn't mean to take almost a month long break but I got a serious case of writer's block. Anyways, I think there are probably a couple more chapters left to Nico and Amata's story. I'm hoping to finish this story by end of October but we will see with work and combating any more writer's block. I wanna thank the bottle of shiraz wine I picked up the other day for helping me overcome my writer's block. Cheers.

A week.  Nico was unconscious for a week.  A lot happened during that time, but I finally get a chance to sit and go over everything.  Where to start….

Well let’s start with Nico, she pulled through the surgeries although I honestly didn’t think she would.  Even the brotherhood doctors weren’t sure if she would. But she did, then she was out for a week, she just woke up a few days ago, hungry as could be. Even after everything, I still love her more than anything.  Susie wanted to smother her but I know she’s glad that Nico pulled through, I know those two are going to have to have a talk when Nico gets her strength back. I know Nico meant well, and Susie knows this too, but it really hurt her when Nico left her behind.  Susie hasn’t told me why, I don’t think she wants to prove herself, I really can’t say why Susie is so pissed at Nico. Dogmeat has hardly left Nico’s side, he does go and check on Sarah a few times a day. Butch has gone back to Rivet City, but he’s planning a visit now that Nico’s awake.  I got to meet Fawkes and Charon, they arrived shortly after the vertibird carrying Nico and Sarah did. 

_ The whole Citadel was buzzing, a ghoul and a super mutant were in the citadel.  I wasn’t aware but apparently both are hated by the brotherhood. But both have helped Nico and the brotherhood for that matter in the past so Elder Lyons welcomed them both warmly and thanked them for putting their life on the line for his daughter.  I also gave them my thanks after introducing myself. Apparently Nico had spoken to them about me as both knew who I was and what I meant to Nico. “Aaahhh so you’re Amata! Nico has spoken greatly of you.” Fawkes had said. Charon merely introduced himself.  Not a man of many words that one. But I thanked them both, they helped bring Nico back. From what Paladin Cross has said they were both a great help, and may have been what turned the favor in getting to Sarah Lyons and the rest of the Lyons pride. They helped escort Butch back to Rivet City and then made their way back to Underworld.  Butch seemed to know them, I guess at one point Nico must have introduced all of them.  _

 

Nico stirs a little in bed.  She’s still in the infirmary but they’ve moved a bigger bed to allow me to stay with her.  I really appreciated that. The doctors were very adamant that she needs to rest, there is a good chance that we may have to stay here in the Citadel for a while until she is well enough to travel.  Elder Lyons has offered us a vertibird to take us back to Vault 101 whenever she is well enough to travel. I hope to get back home soon, a lot has happened in a week. 

 

_ Vault 101 - A few days ago Officer Gomez contacted the Citadel with a message for me.  I had won the election. Also the vault had voted to allow the Andale residents in. Susie knew that this was going to happen but I honestly wasn't sure.  Officer Gomez didn’t tell me the exact number of votes but he said there was no contest. I’m not sure I believe him but I’m determined to be a better leader.  Nico needs to rest so I know she’s not going anywhere, we haven’t talked yet but we will, we have to. I’ve already started planning for Harris and the kids arrival to the vault.  I sent a message to Riley and the rangers about hiring them to escort them to the vault. Riley happily agreed, Susie was thrilled as well as she gets to see Donovan. Butch was still here when I told Susie about the rangers, he seemed pretty upset about that.  He left back to Rivet City the same day, I think he might still like Susie. As much as I would love to see those two get together, I’m not sure Butch is mature enough yet. He’s definitely grown up but he still has a ways to go. The rangers will be here in about a day to pick Susie up and head to Andale.   I haven’t told Nico anything about the election or Andale, she needs to focus on getting better. It’s not like she’s awake long enough for me to tell her. She woke up long enough to ask about Sarah and was relieved to find out she was safe. She’s woken up long enough to eat, and have a visit with Sarah. Those two together....reminds me a lot of me and Susie.   _

 

_ Sarah Lyons - even when she was covered in dried blood, dirt, and God only knows what else was still stunning to look at.  Susie was just as surprised as I was when we saw her. Whenever I pictured what she looked like it was never quite...as beautiful as she was.  Durga was able to see Sarah after the surgery. Both her and Elder Lyons look like a heavy burden has been lifted off them. I think this helped to bring those two together a bit, from what Durga has told me Elder Lyons was okay with their relationship but I think seeing how much Durga actually cares for Sarah really helped.  Sarah has been up and about, she’s still pretty beat up but she comes and check on Nico. She and Durga also come and see Dogmeat. Sarah is super jealous about Dogmeat liking Sarah so much. This reminds me just how much of a life Nico has lived out here, how much time she’s spent with these people. Enough time for Dogmeat to practically jump into Sarah’s arms when she woke up.   _

_ Sarah Lyons...we had a talk the other day.  Just me and her. It was late in the night, most of the citadel was asleep by then.  I couldn’t sleep so I went for a walk in the courtyard and there she was. With bruises and all, under the moonlight Sarah Lyons was beautiful.  The jealous feelings that I had in the vault whenever Nico talked about Sarah found themselves remerging. How could nothing have happened between those two, I know Nico said that they had kissed after defeating the enclave but was that really all that happened?  She noticed me standing off to the side and called me over and introduced herself. She knew who I was, Durga had told her about me and Susie. After the introductions, we sat in silence for a while. I didn’t know what to say, “Hey, I’m glad you’re alive and all but did anything other than kissing happen between you and my fiance?”  She spoke first, told me how Nico talked about me a lot, how I would be the change the vault and how she would help in anyway she could. She told me how excited she was to get my message to help with the vault and how much she had changed when she got back. “I tried to ask her what happened in the vault but all she said was that it didn’t matter.  I knew she had feelings for you, the way she talked about you, anyone could figure that one out. I figured maybe you didn’t feel the same way about her. Regardless she threw herself into defeating the Enclave, recklessly so. I started to have a crush on her, I mean she’s not bad to look at and she’s a great warrior, so I was glad to have her with me when we stormed the Jefferson memorial.  She probably saved my life there, she took a bullet for me. When she volunteered to go and start up the water purifier, I wanted to tell her how I felt but there was not time. She asked me to take care of Dogmeat and make sure her other companions were okay before she went in. I saw her put in the code, and struggle to keep standing from all the radiation. The last thing I remember was a blinding light and hitting the wall behind me.  Next thing I know I’m waking up in the Citadel and my father is telling me that she’s storming Adams air force base which was the HQ of the Enclave. I got my team together and headed over there, against the wishes of my father, but I had to get to her. We were both so happy to see each other, that night we celebrated….I know the doctors weren’t happy about that I had just woken up from a coma and was drinking, yeah I’m pretty sure they went running to my father about that.  But we had just dealt a fatal blow to the Enclave, and Nico was safe. In case you’re wondering nothing happened that night, I don’t know what all Nico has told you but there was some kisses and there was definitely the possibility to go further but I noticed the necklace she was wearing, I had never noticed it before that night and that was the end of anything happening between us. We both woke up the next morning with splitting headaches but as we sat in bed, majorly hungover, she told me that she was sorry but as much as she’d like for something to happen between us and even though she really hated the person who gave her the necklace, she couldn’t stop the feelings she still had.  She said she had to be sure there was no chance anything would change before she could let fall for someone else. Well not long after that she took off for Point Lookout, left Dogmeat here with me. I knew something was up with her, but I didn’t know how to bring it up. When she came back weeks later, she looked like hell. She grabbed Dogmeat, thank me, and took off. I barely got a word in, trust me I wish I had gone after her. Durga has filled me in a bit, it seems like in the end she made it back to you. I really wish we had met under better circumstances but I’m glad I’m finally meeting the girl who Nico loves so much. I’m happy she made it back to you.”  _

_ Well damn, what do you say to that.  _

_ It took me a minute but I finally was able to say what I wanted.  “Thank you.” Sarah just looked at me strangely. Okay, those were the words I wanted to say but not the order I wanted them to come out.  “I mean...thank you for being there for her when I couldn’t. I won’t lie when Nico finally woke up back in the vault and started talking about someone named Sarah, I was so jealous.  Susie definitely picked up on that. The way she talked about you...how could I ever compete. You know when she first woke up she played a cruel joke on me, she pretended that she didn’t remember me.”  _

_  “Oh my God, if I had done that with Durga, she would have used me for target practice.”   _

_ “Trust me, I wanted to.  I was pissed at her, and to be honest right now I am pissed at her, but more pissed at myself.  I don’t blame her for coming back here to help you, I would have done the same for Susie if the roles were reversed, but I realized that ever since she’s come back my entire life has revolved around her, to making sure she’s okay, and I know she loves me, she asked me to marry her.”  I say looking at the ring she gave me, “But this relationship has been very one sided, I’m the overseer of Vault 101 and I know I’ve put the vault ahead of her in the past and I promised I wouldn’t do that again but I still have a responsibility to the people in the vault to be the best leader I can be.”   _

_ Sarah lets out a small laugh, “I think I can see why Nico likes us both, we are a lot alike.  My father has been grooming me ever since I was a child to take over the brotherhood, but all I’ve ever wanted to be was a warrior like my mother was.  She died when I was young, I hardly remember her, but the way my father talked about her, this brave warrior that would fight like hell for her men, that was ultimately her downfall.  My father was planning on stepping down as Elder when this mission came up, I wanted to lead my men one more time before I took over for my father. That was almost my downfall....” I put my hand on her shoulder, “I’m so sorry for your men, I know Nico knew them too.”   _

_ “Thank you...I plan on taking over the role of Elder once I heal up from my wounds.”   “I’m sure Durga will be happy with that decision.”  _

_ “Yes, and I’m sure you’ll be happy when Nico finally settles down.  I’m sure after this she’ll have no choice but to take it easy.” _

_ “She’s told me that this was it, but as much as I want to believe her I know in my heart that she can’t leave this life behind.  There will always be something, she’s made so many connections and helped so many people, it’s what she’s always done, helping people.  I don’t want to ask her to walk away from people that she’s helped so much in the past. I hope once we get back to the vault we can sit and really talk about this.”   _

_ “She’ll listen.  She’s head over boots in love with you.  Nico’s smart, I’m sure it hasn’t gone unnoticed how much you’ve been doing for her.” _

_ We sit in silence for a little while until “Sarah!  There you are. I was so worried when you weren’t in your room.”  Durga comes running over. I notice how Sarah lights up when Durga comes running over.  “Durga, I don’t need to be watched 24/7 you know.” “I know, I was just...just worried.”  Sarah slowly gets up, Durga right by her side. I have a hand on her back helping her up. The injuries she received were bad but she is recovering.  The joints in her shoulders were badly injured as her hands were chained above her head for a long period of time, she also had some internal bleeding from what appeared to be beatings.  The surviving Lyons’ pride members had similar injuries. From what the rescuing group was able to gather, the super mutant group was planning on using the Lyons’ pride for test subjects for a new FEV virus to make enhanced super mutants.  This new version of the FEV virus was apparently the design of the blue skinned super mutants. From what the surviving members of the pride has reported, the pride members that were killed did not survive the virus process. Luckily, Nico and the others were able to get to them before Sarah and the pride were infected.  Sarah is leaning heavily on Durga and nudges her nose into Durga’s cheek. I can’t help but smile as Durga kisses Sarah’s forehead and cheek. I’m so happy Nico was able to bring Sarah back. I can see us being fast friends.  _

 

I’m pulled out of my thoughts as Nico starts to slightly move her legs.  The stab wound to her back just barely missed her spine but there was significant damage done.  The doctors are confident that she’ll walk again but it will take time and even then her legs may not be as strong as they once were.  I’ve been wondering how she’ll do in the vault. There are so many sets of stairs within the vault, if for some reason her legs don’t recover as well as the doctors hope will she be able to get around?  Will she feel comfortable in the vault? I can only pray that she makes a full recovery but if even she doesn’t we can make this work. We can stay in Megaton and I can commute to the vault everyday if I have to.  Dogmeat also notices Nico’s movements and comes and stands next to the bed. He’s been loving the attention he’s been getting here at the Citadel. It seems that Dogmeat might be more of a celebrity in the wasteland than Nico is.  Nico is pretty is exhausted. The doctors had her walking around as best she could, Dogmeat and I right by her side. Her body, mind and soul have been so battered over the past few years, it always surprises me how she keeps going.  Keeps getting up after every fall. I put my notebook away and cuddle closer to Nico. I should try and get some sleep. The Rangers will be arriving in a day or so to get Susie and head to Andale. As much as I would like to wait for Nico to get better, Harris was in pretty bad shape when we saw him.  I’d like to get him and the kids settled into the vault as quickly as possible. I know Nico is going to be determined to get back to the vault once she hears about the Andale vote. I haven’t told her about that or the election but I will. I hope Susie will be enough to convince Harris and the kids to move into the vault.  We never actually brought this up to them, I wanted to get the vault on board first then bring it up to them. I make a mental note to write up some sort of formal invitation to the vault, maybe that will help sell the idea. Nico snuggles into my side as best she can. It’s not long before I’m fast asleep. 


	50. Mending Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loyalty, honesty, and patience.  
> These three are love’s greatest teachers.  
> Loyalty teaches that there’s no separation.  
> Honesty teaches that there’s the presence of connection.  
> Patience teaches that there’s always time for tender affection.  
> — Juansen Dizon, Virtues

Nico's recovery is going slowly.  The Citadel doctors believe her previous injuries that she’s sustained over the years are slowing down her recovery.  Even if she didn’t have those injuries she was stabbed in the back and side. It’s a miracle she’s alive. The doctors have her up and walking around but she can only go a short distance before her legs give out.  The stab wound to her back has caused nerve damage which is why her legs are weak. The doctors are hopeful that once the swelling goes down, she’ll gain strength back in her legs. But there is a chance she’ll also have back and leg problems for the rest of her life.  Dogmeat recovered from his injuries just fine. I take him for walks around the citadel where he’s pretty much a celebrity. Sarah and Durga join us on our walks when they can. My relationship with Sarah has gotten to be similar to the one I have with Susie. I feel like I’ve known her my whole life. Sarah has been helping Nico with her physical therapy.  I usually leave them alone while they do so, it gives them time to talk. Sarah is still recovering from her own ordeal so it’s therapeutic for both of them.

 

It’s been almost three weeks since I’ve been to the vault.  Susie and Rileys’ Rangers were able to get Harris and the kids to the vault with little trouble.  Susie and I talk when we can. The Andale group has taken to life in the vault quite well. Harris and Taylor have been spending a lot of time together according to Susie, I think because of their age and they both have lost a wife they have something in common, despite growing up in different worlds.  Mr. Brotch has been teaching the children in the mornings. Afterwords, Susie arranged for Junior to help Stanley and shadow Wally while Jenny is helping Beatrice in the infirmary and Freddie in the kitchen. Susie says that Jenny already has a crush on Freddie. I remember the days when all the girls had a crush on Freddie Gomez.  That seems like a lifetime ago. The Rangers have been staying at Nico’s house in Megaton since helping us out at the vault. The last time Susie and I talked, she had said they were going to leave back to their compound in a few days and would probably stop by the Citadel. 

I stretch my legs a bit just having gotten back from Rivet City.  A brotherhood patrol was heading over there and Nico and Susie insisted I go since I’d never been.  I got the feeling those two wanted to talk about something so I gave them their space. Dogmeat came with me.  We traveled by the Jefferson memorial where I saw the purified water as well as the caravans that are distributing it through the wasteland.  I can’t believe all that Nico has accomplished. A Rivet City security guard showed me to Butch’s barber shop, he greeted me with a hug and took me Gary’s Galley for some food.  I’m so happy to see Butch doing well in the world. Once at the galley, a very pregnant woman named Angela took our order. Her husband, Diego, not far away. Angela told me all about how Nico helped her and Diego get together.  I didn’t know Nico was such a Matchmaker. Butch wasn’t happy to hear about Susie and Donovan. He tries to get as much info out of me about Donovan as he can. 

_ “I mean is she serious about this guy?  Like really serious or is it just a fling?”   _

_ “Butch, I don’t know.  I know they both like each other.  I didn’t know you still cared for Susie in that way.  I knew you both fooled around before you left but I thought it was just a fling.”  Butch blushes a bit, “Well...I don’t know. I always imagined that after I made it big here in Rivet City that I’d go back to the vault.  Susie would be there and maybe….I don’t know maybe we’d start a family. I’d open a shop there in Megaton and we’d be happy together.”  _

_ “Wow, Butch.  I didn’t know you felt that way.” _

_ “Now don’t you go running your mouth to Susie.  You two love to gossip.” _

_ I act if I’m insulted before reassuring him that I won’t say anything to Susie.  If I’m being honest I would love the two of them to get together. “Butch, I don’t know how serious Susie and Donovan are but my advice is don’t wait too long to tell Susie how you feel if you want a chance with her.  If you wait too long you may lose her.” _

 

Butch seemed to take those words to heart.  He wants to come back to the vault whenever nico and I go back.   _   “Just for a visit, you know.  Check in on Freddie and Wally.”   _ I told him once the doctors clear Nico for travel that they’ll head back to the vault via Vertabird.  As we sit at the Muddy Rudder, Butch asks if Nico and I have talked any. 

 

_ “No, Nico’s been focused on her recovery.  Which is great, the doctors were worried that Nico may have a hard time trying to recover from this type of injury, psychologically speaking.  The doctors told me and Susie that they’ve seen soldiers who once they lose a limb or some sort of function that they really struggle with overcoming that loss.  But so far, Nico’s been doing well. She gets worn out easily but that’s to be expected.”  _

_ “I’m glad to hear she’s doing well, considering everything.  Just make sure you’re taking care of yourself as well Amata.”  I smile, maybe Butch is maturing after all.  _

_ “I will.  You worry about how you are gonna woo Susie.  I’m rooting for the two of you. I mean I like Donovan, he seems like a really nice guy but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t want you two together.  You guys would have such cute kids together.  _

 

We spent the rest of the day touring Rivet City.  I was able to conduct some overseer business by talking to some of the vendors.  Rivet City is a bit far but I can see us establishing some sort of trade. I particularly liked Seagrave Homes, something about him made me like him.  I definitely think picking up some weapons from Flak and Shrapnel before heading to the vault would be a good idea. Our security team could use some better weapons.  I want Susie and Officer Gomez to start training the others on how to use at least basic pistols. I pray the vault will never have to deal with an attack but it’s better to be prepared.  I didn’t care for Bannon, Butch says he’s all talk and he’s right. The whole conversation I felt as if he was lying through his teeth. Bryan Wilks came running up to me, he heard about me and my connection to Nico.  He told me about Grayditch, his father, and how Nico was able to get him to his cousin who runs the hotel here. Another person Nico has helped, is there someone in the wasteland that Nico hasn’t helped? After getting a haircut from Butch, nothing too drastic just a trim, I’m back at the Citadel.  I’m not back for long before the door opens and Nico, Sarah, and Dogmeat come in. Once Dogmeat and I got back from Rivet City, he had taken off to find Nico. Sarah has her hand on Nico’s back, “Come on now, just a few more steps to the bed.” I can see the sweat on Nico’s brow as she moves the walker closer to the bed.  Nico reaches the bed and gingerly sits down. Out of breath she says, “See, I told you I could make it back here without a break.” 

“I thought you were going to collapse a second ago.  I know you’re determined but take it easy. We don’t need you hurting yourself.”  

Nico, still out of breath, “Yeah, I know.  I’ll take it easy tomorrow.” 

“Good, so Amata how did you like Rivet City?”  Sarah asks. We talk for a bit but it’s not long before Nico is half asleep.  

“I better let you both rest.  Amata, make sure this one rests she did a whole lap around ring A today.”

“Wow, that’s great.  Don’t worry I’ll make sure she takes it easy.”  Sarah bids us a good night, leaving the three of us.  Dogmeat takes his place on his dog bed as I help Nico dress for bed.  Her wounds from the rescue mission are starting to scar. The stab wounds on her back and side have already formed scar tissue.  Her scars from the deathclaw attack are still prominent. I gently run a finger over the stab wound on her lower back. I can feel and hear Nico take a deep breath.  

“Seems likes you’re healing up.  Determined to go somewhere?”

Nico chuckles, “Yeah, home...to the vault.  I’m sure you have to be eager to get back. We have new residents.”  Nico was thrilled when she heard that the Andale trio was accepted into the vault.  She was also happy when I was re-elected as overseer. I kiss her neck, “Don’t worry, we’ll get back soon enough.”  I feel her shiver as my breath hits her neck. I’m situated behind her and feel her lean back into me. I kiss her neck again and again, She moves her head giving me better access to her neck.  I feel her take a deep breath, “How was Butch? Did he give you a grand tour of the city?” I quickly kiss her check before finish dressing her for bed, “He did, when we go back to the vault he wants to come with us.”  

“Oh really?  He doesn’t seem like the the type to get home sick.”

“I don’t think he’s homesick, more like he wants to see someone.”

“Really...about time.  Whenever I’d go see him, he was always going on and on about Susie.”

Once we’re both dressed bed we cuddle up to each other.  Thankfully Nico hasn’t had too many sleepless nights. I thought Nico had fallen asleep but she turns to face me, “Amata...you still up?”  she whispers. 

“Yeah, I’m up.  You okay? Do you need anything?”  Because of her injury, she needs help getting up out of bed some days.  That can make getting to the restroom a bit difficult if you’re in a hurry.  

“No, uhm...I wanted to talk to you about something.  I...I just wanted…”she sighs. 

“Hey, what’s up?”  I ask, playing with her hair which has gotten long.

“I know...I’ve treated you horribly the last few months.”  

I go to interrupt but she stops me.  “Please let me say this.” I nod and let her continue.

“I was talking with Sarah earlier while you were gone.  I’ve known for a while that you’ve pretty much put your life on hold ever since I’ve shown up.  Sarah really talked to me about that. She had a similar problem with Durga. When they first started dating, Durga focused so much on Sarah that is was beginning to affect her work.  They eventually talked and things got better. I know we’ve talked in the past but I get the feeling we’ve never really come to a conclusion. Sarah told me how she’s going to take over as Elder once she heals up.  She’s already been working with her father, taking over certain aspects. She told me that we both have to be careful or we could lose what we love. She’s right. To be honest, after everything I’ve put you through I’m surprised you’ve stayed with me.  I wouldn’t blame you if you dumped me and went back to the vault.”

“Don’t even joke like that.  I have to take some of the blame.  I was so scared when Susie brought you back to the vault.  You were already in so much pain and I still felt so guilty about the pain I caused you that I was walking on eggshells around you.  With every new injury or every time you shared your experiences of the wasteland with me the guilt just kept building. I kept thinking ‘I forced her back out there, she wouldn’t have suffered so much if it wasn’t for me and the vault.’  You know I made myself sick about you?”

“What? When did that happen?”

“When you locke dus in the vault.  Once Stanley and Andy got the vault door open, Susie and I raced out to find you.  Both Officer Gomez and Susie hated the idea of me going out to the wasteland but I had to find you.  I think the stress of everything plus my first time out in the wasteland was just too much for my system.  I nearly blacked out at Moira’s shop. I finally did collapse in your house before we found you.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to worry.  You were dealing with your…”

“Psychosis.”

“You were just dealing with a lot and I didn’t want you to worry about me on top of everything else.  Besides I was able to help out Moira as she was testing Nuka Cola for her new book.”

“Amata, we’re engaged.  It’s a default that I’m going to worry about you.  I’m so sorry that I’ve put you in this situation. I never wanted that and I’m sorry about agreeing to help the brotherhood without at least talking to you first.  I acted like an ass when Paladin Tristan showed up. I didn’t want you and Susie to be put in danger.” 

“You don’t have to apologize for that I was the same way when it came to you.  I would do the same if it was Susie in danger.”

“I want things to change, Amata.  I don’t want you to keep bottling things up.  If something is bothering you, tell me. If it’s something I’m doing, definitely tell me.  I won’t run. I may need some space to process but I. Won’t. Run. I know my track record hasn’t been great but I promised you I wouldn’t run anymore.  Besides I’m not sure if I’m ever going to be able to run again so I definitely won’t get far.”

“Don’t say that.  You’re going to get better.  You’ll be chasing Susie and Dogmeat all over the wasteland in no time.”

“I don’t plan on straying too far from the vault.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”  

“The doctors want to run a few more tests but they believe I can go back to the vault in less than a week.  They emphasized that I need to continue exercising and getting enough rest but there’s not much more they can do for me.”

“That’s great.  I’ve missed having Susie here, it’ll be nice to back.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait to get back home.”

I can’t help the smile that comes over me.  She’s referring to the vault as her home. When she first woke up in the vault I doubt she would have ever called it that again.  I position myself to kiss her, my hands getting lost in her thick shaggy hair. I feel her eagerly return the kiss, her own hands coming around my neck.  I pull back just enough to whisper, “Let’s go home.” She pulls me back into a kiss, “Yes, let’s go home…” 


	51. Coming Home

“I don't want to set the world on fire, just want to start a flame in your heart…”  the radio on my pipboy plays as I lay in bed writing in my journal. Nico is still fast asleep next to me.  Dogmeat laying down on his bed near the door. _It seems hard to believe that it’s been three months since we left the Citadel.  The brotherhood dropped us along with Butch off at Vault 101. Sarah and a few other brotherhood soldiers came with us.  I gave Sarah a tour of the vault while Wally and Susie helped Nico get to our room. I had radioed the vault before we left to give Officer Gomez and Susie a heads up and to prepare the residents that we would have visitors.  The residents were welcoming if not a little wary. Our newest residents, Jenny, Junior, and Old man Harris, were thrilled to see us. We were barely in the atrium when they came running up to us and nearly took out Nico luckily Susie was able to get to them before they toppled her over.  We explained that Nico was injured and that they needed to be careful, they were able to give Nico a hug before she went upstairs. Sarah and the others stayed the night in the vault and headed out the next morning. Sarah and Nico talked in our room but I didn’t want to interrupt, they have a bond similar to the one I have with Susie.   The Rangers were still in the area, mainly due to Donovan and Susie. I gave them permission to come and go as they please from the vault. It’s the least I could do after all the help they’ve given us especially since Riley refused to take any payment for bringing the Andale residents to the vault. The first meeting between Donovan and Butch was a sight to behold.  Nico was pissed that she missed it. Both were practically puffing their chests in each other’s face. Eventually the rangers left back to D.C., much to Butch’s enjoyment and Donovan’s dismay.  
_  
_Nico was pretty much confined to the top level of the vault where my office and our bedroom is at.  Every couple of days though she would bribe Wally, Freddie, and Butch to help her down to Stanley’s area.  Being able to help out Stanley and Andy made her feel better. She worked alot with Beatrice and Jenny, whose become an assistant to Beatrice, to get the strength back in her legs.  A lot of pain and setbacks but after a month she was strong enough to walk with Dogmeat down the aisle as Officer Gomez walked me down the aisle._ I look over to Nico’s sleeping form and then glance to the wedding band on my finger.  I can’t help the smile as I remember our wedding day. Nico was so determined to get better so that she could walk down the aisle.   _We had our wedding at Megaton just as we had planned.  I was able to meet a lot of the people Nico helped over the years.  Agathe performed a beautiful piece on her violin which she later told me all about.  I late brought up to Nico about asking Agathe to come live in the vault but Nico didn’t think she would go for it considering she had shared that house with her husband but maybe she would go for it at a later date.  The family of Meresti station came along with some of the citizen of Big Town. The brotherhood and the outcasts came which I thought could be trouble based on what Nico has told me but it actually turned out quite well.  Sara, as the new Elder since her father stepped down, was able to talk to many of the outcasts and I feel like she may be able to gain their trust. It was great to see Durga again. We really bonded when Nico and Sarah were injured.  She and Sarah are still going strong. She told me that Sarah has been wanting to get back in the field which she and her father strongly oppose. I saw her and Nico talking at the reception, hopefully, Nico was able to talk to her about that.  Nico has also been a bit stir crazy the past month. We occasionally go outside with Sarah and Dogmeat and sit near the entrance. It was during one of these times when Nico told me that we should get married sooner rather than later, I had planned to wait till she was fully healed to get married but Nico didn’t want to waste any more time.   We met Sheriff Simms near the vault to discuss having the wedding at Megaton which he was happy to host and even agreed to officiate the wedding. The rangers were there and of course the battle for Susie’s attention was on display for all of Megaton to enjoy. I lost count how many times Susie danced with Donovan and Butch, with them both constantly interrupting the others dance.  I finally got to meet Three Dog. Susie was just as excited to meet him as I was. He toasted us at the reception bringing the laughs and regaled us on Nico’s adventure from the girl out of the vault in search of her father to the savior of the wasteland._ _Our wedding was better than I could have dreamed of and our wedding night was even better.  We hadn’t made love since before Nico was injured but that had been the furthest thing from my mind as I was focused on helping Nico and honestly I wasn’t expecting anything that night either.  But Nico, with help from Susie, turned her house in Megaton into a haven for us. We had originally planned to honeymoon at Tenpenny Tower but because Nico was still recovering Megaton was the best option.   It was perfect, we had come full circle in a way. We had our first time in this house and our first time as wives together in that house. We took our times with each other, relearning each other’s body. Both of us were timid, nervous, scared about what we almost lost but in the end it was beautiful._  
  
_About two week after the wedding did another event happened: the passing of Old man Harris.  His passing wasn’t sudden, he had been going downhill and I’m surprised that he made it to the wedding.  I remember the smile on his face as he watched his grandkids play with Harden Simms, the son of Sheriff Simms.  Beatrice had made him as comfortable as she could. The kids were prepared for this and took his passing as well as could be expected.  There were times I’d walk into the cafeteria to see Junior and Jenny sitting with Nico. I think because of Nico has been through so much in her life she’s able to help them in their grief.  I’ve also seen them talking with Mr. Brock, Susie and even Stanley. I’ve also talked to each one separately, inviting them to have lunch with me just to check on them. Unfortunately, we’ve all suffered some sort of loos but we’re able to help each other through it.   Old Lady Palmer, who is still going strong despite her age, has taken over as their parent figure._  
  
Since coming back to the vault from our honeymoon in Megaton, Nico has gotten stronger.  There are days when she is able to make it around the top level without her crutches and even journeys to the lower floors with the occasional stops.  Unfortunately there are still those days, which have gotten rare, that she has to rely on her crutches or even a wheelchair. There have been times where I’ve seen her sitting on the stairs, her legs have given up or just tired.  Dogmeat, when he isn’t traveling with Susie, always by her side. One day I stumbled upon Nico sitting with Dogmeat talking to Officer Taylor. I stayed out of sight but was so happy to hear them talking, actually talking with each other.  They were talking about Jenny’s cooking and how she’s becoming a great cook. I think it’s because she wants to impress Freddie. Taylor has taken a liking to Dogmeat which helped break the ice between those two. Speaking of Freddie, we are going to have a new resident in the vault.  Apparently at our wedding, Freddie and Lucy West met and sparks flew. Well a few days ago, Freddie came into my office to ask that Lucy be allowed to move into the vault because they just found out she was pregnant! She was only a few weeks along but he thought it would be better for her and the baby if she moved into the vault.  Of course I agreed, and congratulated him. I knew that he has gone to Megaton a lot lately usually with Susie whenever she would go. But my goodness, I didn’t think they were moving that fast! Officer Gomez and Pepper Gomez were shocked but overall happy. Officer Gomez is insisting that they get married before the baby is due. It’s been forever since we had a baby in the vault.  

I’m brought out of my thoughts when a arm comes across my midsection.  “Why do you insist on getting up so early?” a sleepy Nico asks me. I put my journal away and get back under the cover, snuggling up to her, “It gives me a chance to think and process everything, it’s nice to a quiet moment to myself.”   “I guess, you know what I was thinking...we haven’t been to megaton since the wedding maybe we should take a trip there this weekend, spend some time together.” “Oh really? Well you know as Overseer of the vault I just can’t leave my post….” Nico rolls on top of me and starts to kiss my neck.  “and...I can’t just abandon my post…” A hand travels under my shirt to my chest. “You know on second thought Officer Gomez could handle everything for a few days.” “I concur, Officer Gomez would do a fantastic job.” We smile at each other and of course just as things start to get heated who else but Susie comes busting through the door.  “Hey Amata, Jesus Christ! Every. Single. Time. I don’t need to see that.” “Well why don’t you KNOCK next time!!” Nico yells back as we cover up. “Hey I don’t need any of that from you! Remember who dragged your sorry ass back here.” “Oh whatever, remember who taught you everything you know about the wasteland.” The banter between those two continues as we get dressed.  Susie and Nico got past the issue that caused some trouble at the citadel with Nico leaving Susie behind. Susie, Nico, and Dogmeat all head to the atrium where they are going to meet up with Butch and his newly revived Tunnel Snakes, at least that’s what he’s calling them. Wally just rolls his eyes whenever Butch mentions it. I’m going to join them in a bit, I just have to finish up the housing arrangements for Lucy and Freddie.  Susie, Nico, Freddie and Butch are going to Megaton to help Lucy move her belongings to the Vault later today. I quickly finish up and look out of my window overlooking the atrium to see them plus Junior and Jenny talking and laughing.  
“I never thought I would be allowed to be this happy especially in this vault with Nico.”  I say to no one. I guess everything has a way of working out in the end, doesn’t it? Nico spots me and motions for me to come down.  I smile down at my wife, I can’t believe I get to call her that, and tidy up my desk before heading down. I can’t wait for the weekend when we’ll have our little get away maybe we can stay longer than a few days  but it doesn’t matter in the end. We have our whole lives ahead of us. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is the end, took me waay longer than I had anticipated but I like how it turned out. Never thought this story would be this long. Hope you've enjoyed reading. :)


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